June Cleaver Sexual Deviant Quotes

“I’m going to become a beat poet and a lesbian!”
― Benjamin R. Smith, June Cleaver Sexual Deviant

“WARD: I’ll be home in time for dinner, honey.
JUNE: Alright—I’m pregnant—Have a fine day at work, dear.

WARD exits… WARD reenters.

JUNE: Did you forget something, dear?

WARD: What did you say?
JUNE: I asked if you’d forgotten anything—”
― Benjamin R. Smith, June Cleaver Sexual Deviant

“After a good roll in the hay, when he’s all peaceful and serene and he hasn’t a worry or a care in the world, and the euphoric calm of release is drifting through his cerebrum, that’s when you broadside him with the cold cruel fact that his life as he knows it is over!”
― Benjamin R. Smith, June Cleaver Sexual Deviant

“I’m not about to let somebody stick a Bissel vacuum attachment up my cootch.”
― Benjamin R. Smith, June Cleaver Sexual Deviant

“A boy and a girl, a man and a woman, a pervert and a slut...”
― Benjamin R. Smith, June Cleaver Sexual Deviant

“Why the testicles are we listing sex organs?”
― Benjamin R. Smith, June Cleaver Sexual Deviant

“You’ve missed the bus. Are you calling in sick again? It’s the second time in two years. The boss will frown upon it.”
― Benjamin R. Smith, June Cleaver Sexual Deviant

“At the end of the day, a choice was made and it wasn’t ours. So why get all bugabooed about it?”
― Benjamin R. Smith, June Cleaver Sexual Deviant

“What’s wrong with your father? Huh? Can’t he do this? Or have you been reading Freud? WARD, have you been reading the baby Freud?”
― Benjamin R. Smith, June Cleaver Sexual Deviant

“?-: Yes, I must say, that part distressed me a bit. I had no idea girls could do that...

(JUNE and RUTH look at him.)

RUTH: Do what, exactly?
?-: Be nude. I thought they just spontaneously combusted or something if they even tried taking off their sweaters.
JUNE: But, how did you think we bathed?
?-: I just assumed you just never got dirty, with the exception of your hair. You know, cause girls are always washing their hair...
JUNE: But this is ridiculous. How did you think sex happened?
?-: To be honest, I’d never really thought about sex. Oh, dear... Am I going to have to do that someday? Are we? I need to read up on this.
(He takes out a memorandum and begins scribbling.)”
― Benjamin R. Smith, June Cleaver Sexual Deviant

“SEN. McCARTHY: You will teach morality, ethics, and good house-keeping to these 48 states, and to the world. By order of this committee, June Cleaver, you will be a beacon! You will sire the future and teach it what we tell you to teach it! Echo effect, echo effect, echo effect...”
― Benjamin R. Smith, June Cleaver Sexual Deviant

“All around the smell of that necro-smoke, that nether-weed. And up and at the hedonist impulse, rejoice, rejoice, in the disconnect my pretty things, fly monkeys, fly! The hip chick in the back, her legs uncrossed to let in air and let out pretention as the lights are down and it’s not necessary, nor should it be even with the lights up, all around faces, turned away and yet minds knowing, knowing there is a presence, a power about the room, the charge is different than it was before this small chick came in. Rejoice, simpatico, rejoice. It’s her night. A night of the explosion. Pow—bang-ka-boom and yet it’s whispered and yet it’s heard through the walls at 3 A.M. by attentive ears and hands clenching in the frustration of being unsolicited by the owner of this spectacle. A woman’s sigh of ecstasy, and his tears at being not the cause.”
― Benjamin R. Smith, June Cleaver Sexual Deviant

“Oh Ward, you animal. It gets me so hot and squishy when you call it intercourse.”
― Benjamin R. Smith, June Cleaver Sexual Deviant

“JUNE: My mother always said, “Why should a man buy a cow when he can get the milk for free?”
WARD: I don’t think your mother is very bright.”
― Benjamin R. Smith, June Cleaver Sexual Deviant

“Stay out of this, buddy. You’re lucky I’m not booking you for that F-word you let slip. America doesn’t tolerate that kind of potty-mouthing.”
― Benjamin R. Smith, June Cleaver Sexual Deviant