Harry Whitewolf > Recent Status Updates

"...it had been pretty smart of Redstar to love-bomb the Guild of Multicultural Celebrity Impersonators and throw Chinese Tom Hanks onto the stage to argue that real Elvis was nothing more than an imposter, a multicultural impersonation of himself. And then have everyone in the crowd believe him, because real Elvis really did look as Colombian as Chanks had alleged."

"Religion without science is a dodgy sales pitch and science without religion is just a list of terms and conditions. Why is it that most people want to learn about both, but the only ones who don't are the ones doing the teaching?"

"We had to use the drainpipe (to shimmy down) because the old fire escape had been removed. The old fire escape had been a health and safety risk."

I find it frightening that Adolf Hitler has 702 followers on Goodreads.

Thank fuck Austria's far-right candidate Hofer - who looked like he might actually win the election - has been defeated. There is hope that the world isn't turning fascist after all!

"We arrived in a brightly coloured cluster of public health hazards that was rather loosely referred to as the food court..."

"'This isn't the man in the surveillance video.'
'Told you he was a demon. Betcha believe me now right?'
'He doesn't look anything like (the terrorist) Rashid Rashid.'
This didn't bother Sheriff Elmo: 'He looked like a Muslim hen he arrived, and he looks like a Muslim now.'"

R.I.P Manuel, the greatest waiter from Barcelona that ever lived.

Que?

"'Can I be excused? I'm allergic to PowerPoint...'"

"The real (Turin) Shroud was safely tucked away in the Bellagio Hotel where it had been ever since the Dalai Lama had won it in a game of three card Vajrayana poker."

"...Brigadier General Sir Rufus Moribund was on TV denying these wild accusations: 'We strongly refute the allegation that secret British forces have killed anyone in Baghdad by means of man-eating badger'."

"I checked my in-flight menu and opted for series five, episode eleven of 'Roy Chancy, PSCO'. This was Ross Kemp as a psychic Police Community Support Officer on the streets of Swindon."

I've just read that Nigel Farage is considering moving to the U.S permanently.

You guys are welcome to him. Just don't send him back.

It's headlines like this (which I've just come across) that make the world such a fucking horrible place:

"After Loosing (sic) 200 LBS Rebel Wilson Actually Looks Gorgeous!"

No, I'm not referring to the misspelling, but to the stated astonishment that a larger lady can actually look attractive if she loses weight and the implication that larger ladies can't be attractive in the first place.

My bloody laptop died on me last week so I've been internet-less until now. What did I miss on GR and in the world generally? At least I know that Hillary must surely have won, so there's no need for me to look that up. Right? I mean... right...?

What's that? You missed my latest blog post and didn't know you can now read my Two Beat Newbie book for free?

Well, now you know - so what are you waiting for? :)

https://www.goodreads.com/author_blog...

"And Reagan begat Saddam, and Bush begat Saddam, and Saddam begat war, and Bush begat war, and Bush begat Osama, and Osama begat war, and Bush begat Bush, and Bush begat war, and war begat war.

- Hypocrites 9:11"

"One of the Chuckle Brothers just Endorsed BRITAIN FIRST
The other posed with Chuck D.
It’s like everything’s divided
in half
and got a double meaning."

"Cheers for cutting our benefits and privatising our NHS
you fucking
TOFFS
(the Liberals
say we shoudn’t call em TOFFS – it’s not “PC” - but fuck
them
too)

I never voted for a pig-
fucker for Prime Minister
and who the fuck voted Theresa May
in
(cause it definitely wasn’t me)?"

"and for every year I age I see at least 3 new
TESCOs
OPEN 2-
4
HOURS
A
DAY

(which is a lie cause it actually shuts @ 5 on Sunday)."

"E-cigs are now the in thing...

...all we’re really
doing is sucking
on a robot’s
dick
for the sake of a quick
hit."

Did anyone else in the UK see Kate Tempest's poetry performance last night? Prime time Saturday night contemporary poetry on BBC2! Fuck yeah! It was an hour performance, set to music, with Britain's newly most celebrated poet - and rightly so. Available on BBC iPlayer for the next month, so if you missed it, I highly recommend you watch it: http://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/...

It's the last day to get a free Kindle copy of my new poetry book: Rhyme and Rebellion.

https://www.goodreads.com/event/show/...

Cheers y'all! :)

Thank fuck they voted for Corbyn to stay - with even more of the vote than last time.

If those New Labourites would just leave the party, I might actually vote Labour next time round.

"5 October 1987
...Counted my capsules of poison and I have got over 30 so there should be enough to kill me. Just have to work out the time and the place."

"29 April 1987
..The BBC News prefaces everything with starvation in Mozambique - this is the ploy they used about Abyssinia. Their announcers mouth their disquiet about the world's hungry before going off to their 5 course dinners. Utter cant. We all know it is the incompetent governments which cause national starvation: remove THEM and you might get improvements. Throw money at it & corrupt officials will benefit."

There's still time to get a free Kindle copy of my new Rhyme and Rebellion book: https://www.goodreads.com/event/show/...

Thanks to everyone who's already grabbed a copy. :)