Kaia > Recent Status Updates

Did you know that Simon doesn't get cold anymore now that he's a vampire? Because he doesn't. The book says so. Like a dozen fucking times.

War? Impending doom? Does anyone remember that? Or are y'all just gonna stand around wangsting until Valentine wipes you off the face of the earth?

Oh god, I'm seriously going to barf. Isabelle's speech about how Jace came alive when they met Clary...like, he'd met her for a fucking second. Give me a break.

Is Jace's self-destructive martyr complex supposed to make me like him? Because it does the opposite. I want to smack him.

"There is no pretending," Jace said with absolute clarity. "I love you, and I will love you until I die, and if there's a life after that, I'll love you then." Okay, pretty sure I just threw up in my mouth a little.

You know, I'm really getting to the point where I'm just ready to block every single person I see use the word r******d on here. I don't care if someone is being a troll on a review; that doesn't give you leave to be an ableist bigoted douche.

You know that thing with a book where it's just beginning and you're waiting for the plot to begin, and waiting and waiting, and eventually you stop deluding yourself and accept that this is the plot? Yeah.

Good lord. Aline's shirt was partway open. There was nothing in the description to indicate that Jace wasn't kissing her back. But now we get this "No, I kissed him because I'm trying to figure out if I'm a lesbian" bullshit, so once again Jace doesn't have to be held accountable for his behavior.

I really hate the amount of apologism in these books. It's like...we're supposed to excuse people the things they did because Valentine was just so charismatic and shit, but...no. That's now how it works. I'm getting so tired of these oversimplified pseudo-Nazis that people like Clare and Rowling write about.

POISON IS NOT THE ONLY THING IN THE WORLD THAT TASTE FOUL! ALSO IF YOU KNOW WHAT POISON TASTES LIKE ODDS ARE HIGH YOU'RE DEAD!

"Sebastian yelled out loud [...]" As opposed to what? Look, I get it. I scream inside my head like I'm being slowly murdered, during my chiropractor sessions, but that is where the distinction needs to be made. Not when someone is yelling audibly, but when it's inaudible. Otherwise, of course it's out loud. Fucking duh.

"I swear, there are utterly lightless demon dimensions out there that are less dim than the bunch of you." So yeah, Sebastian is evil, I know, but he nailed this lot. About as bright as a broken light bulb floating in a black hole.

All right, I get it, Sebastian is actually evil. Stop hammering me over the head with unsubtle foreshadowing, please. I've already got a bit of a headache.

"Jace moved then the way he moved when he was fighting, like sunlight across water." So um...he glitters and throws off light? Is he secretly a Meyerpire? THIS IS THE SKIN OF A KILLER!

Clary? This is the part where you tell them all to go stuff themselves and point out that you are the one who decides what you want. Jesus fuck, I want to line up all the boys with any interest in Clary and give them one giant fish slap. With a frozen tuna.

I don't understand it. Magnus, how can you be so perfect when everyone else is just shit? How does that happen? The mind, it boggles.

Couldn't this just be The Adventures of Magnus and Alec? That would be way more awesome, since they're like, the only two people in the entire series who I don't want to stab in the face with a spork.

Bosch can't be the only dude who painted scenes of hell, but apparently he's the only one Clare has ever heard of.

"She didn't like boys who looked as if they never got mad about anything. In Isabelle's world, rage equaled passion equaled a good time."

Oh hey, does that mean the war is finally starting? You know, the war this book is supposed to be about? Note to authors: Don't make an all powerful pseudo-Nazi villain, give him the things he needs to take over, then kill all the tension by having him wait 200+ pages (or more) to get around to the being evil part.

So wait. If it's a grievous mortal sin for a human to commit suicide, what does it mean when an angel does it?

Good lord, Clare, rugs come from places other than Persia!

I straight up just read it "Voldermort" rather than "Valentine." I honestly did.

How does this Projection business work, anyway? Not that I want lots of infodumping, but I think a vampire projecting his image across an ocean and into a magically protected country deserves some explanation.

Looks like I got another one for my "horses don't work like that" shelf.

Um...I guess maybe Clare is trying to use exaggeration to show Clary's fear of horses, but describe a horse as have teeth "the size of a Pez dispenser" is um...questionable. Okay, fuck it, it's downright silly. Also I knew exactly no other girls in middle school who wanted a horse like I did, so I don't know what she's on about there, either.

"The road they'd been walking on had somehow turned from cobblestones to gravel without her noticing." No. You notice that. Trust me, you notice. It's a huge difference in how it affects things like your balance and you simply can't miss it.

We hit badfic levels of drama llama a while ago, and it keeps going. This is the sort of shit I would've written as a teenager. And then been extremely embarrassed about it a few years later.

"She'd given so much thought these past weeks as to whether she loved Jace Wayland and how, that she'd never much paused to consider whether she liked him." *facepalm* You can't love a boy you don't actually like.

I can't even words right now. Jace is such a disgusting, abusive fuckstick, I can't handle it.