Kaia > Recent Status Updates

The plural is fleurs-de-lis, not fleur-de-lis, and would it really be a big deal to spell it 'lys'? I'm not sure why we feel the need to de-French only one part of the word.

The world is in danger from a genocidal maniac and we are legit chasing a boy who got turned into a rat. I can't believe I'm supposed to take this seriously.

"Magnus's voice was honey poured over shards of ice." Ooo, ow, oof. Sometimes reading this book is like falling out of the bad fan fiction tree and hitting every branch on the way down. Her similes honestly feel like getting whipped in the face with a tree branch.

"Magnus's hand shot out, so fast it was barely a blur." I'm sorry, wat? I...I think she wants to express that it was so fast it was nearly invisible, barely even a blur, but instead it sounds like the opposite.

Omg, Magnus looks like Visual-Kei barfed on him. I kinda love him already.

"His eyes ran up and down her lazily, like the stroking paws of a cat." But cats don't...they only knead and that like, tends to hurt at least a little, but their skeletal structure isn't made for stroking. How do you exist in life without realizing that?

My god, Jace is such a massive douchebag.

The great and powerful Shadowhunters who are trying to protect the world from the return of a great evil are going to...have breakfast. Oh, the excitement. Hold me back.

Ugh, what is with her obsession with poison? I swear, that's at least the fourth time she's used it in a really awful simile.

"She wondered how often he let glimpses of his real self peek through the facade that was as hard and shiny as the coat of lacquer on one of her mother's Japanese boxes." Bwahahahaha! Now I'm imagining Jace with a really bad Botox job. Nice work, Clare.

"The distant hum of cars going by over the Williamsburg Bridge filled the humid air with a sound like beating wings." I don't think she meant that to be hilarious. Cars with bird wings, anyone?

A locket? A locket!> Lockets are on chains. How can the moon hang over the city like a locket? That doesn't even...of all the...that just sounds inane!

" [...] as if he half-expected her to tell him that none of it was true and Jace was actually a dangerous escaped lunatic she'd decided to befriend on humanitarian grounds." You mean he's not?

God, Clary is TSTL. "Gosh, a strange new world full of dangerous creatures was just revealed to me and I almost got killed by it a few days ago. Here, let me blunder headlong into all the dumbest possible circumstances I can find!"

If anyone wants to know why my forehead is red, it's because Jace just wrinkled "his fine-boned nose." THE NOSE ISN'T MADE OUT OF BONE. My god woman, did you even go to high school!?

"When he lowered his hand, the Mark began to sink into his skin, liked a weighted object sinking into water." *facepalm* She wanted slow imagery. Something weighted calls to mind something deliberately weighted to sink faster. Does she not think about this stuff at all?

Either Clare wasn't the sort of kid who put things in her mouth, or she has a lousy memory. Old pennies do not taste sharp and coppery, they taste gross and dirty.

Oh, Valentine has been dead for 16 years. The same amount of time Clary and Jace have been alive. That's totally just a giant coincidence, I'm sure. *eyeroll*

I can see why Clare plagiarized. Her own writing is utter dross.

If the stars are washed out by the city lights, why the fuck are they being mentioned? And how can Clary know about their "pewter gleam"?

"Her knees felt like bags of water." That's um...not as squishy as Clare thinks it is. Oh who am I kidding, these people never know proper science.

Why do adults who write YA always seem to think teenagers drink loads and loads of coffee? I don't remember meeting s single coffee-obsessed teen in my entire 3,000 person high school. Is that really a thing?

Wow, Clare blows at understanding tension and emotion. Here's Clary and her mother in this tense situation that sounds potentially dangerous and Clary's reaction to a sudden, loud crash? Mild surprise. I'm sorry, but if my parental unit was acting like there was a serial killer on the loose and that happened, you'd have to pry me from the ceiling.

So uh...those of you who've read this before...just how many times am I going to have to read about Jace's "tawny" eyes? Because so far it's been like every time he's mentioned.

"Her smiled glittered like poisonous water." *wince* Oh yeah, she used to write fan fiction, all right. Apparently no one informed her that professionals need to learn how to actually write.

A flower of apprehension? Why would you even use that imagery for apprehension? It doesn't...it's not...oh lord.

"He had electric blue dyed hair that stuck up around his head like the tentacles of a startled octopus ... " *cough* Wat. Octopodes don't work like that...

Mwahahahahahahahahahahahaha*cough*ha.

Why the hell do we keep flashing forward in time to this Bailey kid? It's so self-indulgent. I don't know what's worse: Genuinely bad books, or promising books that suck because they were too busy guzzling their own koolaid.