Than

“Our breakup broke the record for the most mutual parting of ways in history. Here’s the text-message conversation: Me: Hey . . . should we break up? Canadian: Ya probably. Me: Ok. Canadian: Did you watch Hoarders last night? Me: Ya! I can’t believe that woman ate her dead dog thinking it was jerky. Canadian: I know! Crazy! Me: Well . . . goodbye I guess. Canadian: Do we have to unfollow each other on Twitter? I’d rather still follow you. You have funny tweets. Me: No way. I never unfollow anyone. That’s so tacky. Canadian: Agreed.”
― Shane Dawson, I Hate Myselfie: A Collection of Essays by Shane Dawson

“I just don’t have the willpower to hit up the gym every day for two hours, and the idea of cutting candy out of my diet seems impossible.”
― Shane Dawson, I Hate Myselfie: A Collection of Essays by Shane Dawson

“They've promised that dreams can come true - but forgot to mention that nightmares are dreams, too.”
― Oscar Wilde