I Hate Myselfie Quotes

“I just don’t have the willpower to hit up the gym every day for two hours, and the idea of cutting candy out of my diet seems impossible.”
― Shane Dawson, I Hate Myselfie: A Collection of Essays by Shane Dawson

“Our breakup broke the record for the most mutual parting of ways in history. Here’s the text-message conversation: Me: Hey . . . should we break up? Canadian: Ya probably. Me: Ok. Canadian: Did you watch Hoarders last night? Me: Ya! I can’t believe that woman ate her dead dog thinking it was jerky. Canadian: I know! Crazy! Me: Well . . . goodbye I guess. Canadian: Do we have to unfollow each other on Twitter? I’d rather still follow you. You have funny tweets. Me: No way. I never unfollow anyone. That’s so tacky. Canadian: Agreed.”
― Shane Dawson, I Hate Myselfie: A Collection of Essays by Shane Dawson

“I know the old saying “Nothing tastes as good as being thin feels.” Well, nothing tastes as good as being alive either.”
― Shane Dawson, I Hate Myselfie: A Collection of Essays by Shane Dawson

“And to this day we are still kissing each other with the same amount of passion. It’s been more than three years, and I still feel like there’s more to unwrap. Every day I get a glimpse of what’s inside. I hope it never ends.”
― Shane Dawson, I Hate Myselfie: A Collection of Essays by Shane Dawson

“Side note: What is that crotch pad for? Is it to protect the vagina from the impact of a big wave? Or maybe to have a stronger barrier between vagina and sand? I can imagine how uncomfortable a sandy vagina is. Almost as uncomfortable as when sand would get in my loose under-boob skin. See, women, I relate to you.”
― Shane Dawson, I Hate Myselfie: A Collection of Essays by Shane Dawson

“The only person who had ever wanted to fuck me was a homeless lady who used to stand outside of Ralphs and tell me I had a “sad face that she wanted to sit on.”
― Shane Dawson, I Hate Myselfie: A Collection of Essays by Shane Dawson

“CAROLisWET: And my vagina. Ilikenipplerings: ?!?!?!!?!! CAROLisWET: Yep. All 8 inches of it.”
― Shane Dawson, I Hate Myselfie: A Collection of Essays by Shane Dawson

“It’s a twisted land of self-hatred, sadness, and lots of repressed anger toward every person who’s ever hurt me.”
― Shane Dawson, I Hate Myselfie: A Collection of Essays by Shane Dawson

“She must have been dealing with a lot of issues that made her take out her anger on me. It doesn’t make it right but it makes it slightly understandable.”
― Shane Dawson, I Hate Myselfie: A Collection of Essays by Shane Dawson

“And to this day we are still kissing each other with the same amount of passion. It´s been more than three years, and I still feel like there´s more to unwrap. Every day I get a glimpse of what´s inside. I hope it never ends.”
― Shane Dawson, I Hate Myselfie: A Collection of Essays

“Some were better than others, but they all had one thing in common: they were terrible.”
― Shane Dawson, I Hate Myselfie: A Collection of Essays

“If you're passionate about something, give it your all, and you will find happiness.”
― Shane Dawson, It Gets Worse: A Collection of Essays”
― Shane Dawson, I Hate Myselfie: A Collection of Essays

“Me: Actually my name is Shane.
Allan: I know. I was testing you to see if you would correct me. And you did. You failed.”
― Shane Dawson, I Hate Myselfie: A Collection of Essays