Will

“Randall, the gay alcoholic in the house next door, boldly peeps through my windows. 'Boy, you sure rock in that chair a lot,' he said last week, his face pressed against my screen.
This time I was lying on my bed with Katherine's cats. I'm watching them while she's out of town. I can be very mushy, and he watched me kissing them and saying that all the other cats in the neighborhood were jealous of their beauty.”
― David Sedaris, Theft by Finding: Diaries 1977-2002

“Sometimes losing a pet is more painful than losing a human because in the case of the pet, you were not pretending to love it.”
― Amy Sedaris, Simple Times: Crafts for Poor People

“Writing is a dying form. One reads of this every day.”
― Lemony Snicket

“The only thing that's worse than people who say "I am what I am" is people who say "I yam what I yam" while doing a Popeye imitation.”
― Ariel Leve, It Could Be Worse, You Could Be Me: Witty Essays on Life's Comic Misfortunes for David Sedaris Fans