Will > Will's Quotes

“Sometimes losing a pet is more painful than losing a human because in the case of the pet, you were not pretending to love it.”
― Amy Sedaris, Simple Times: Crafts for Poor People

“Writing is a dying form. One reads of this every day.”
― Lemony Snicket

“It’s so pathetic, the tough-guy posturing, but so sinister, because, to put it plainly, that’s how black men die. Insecure, pee-pants white men assume that any disagreement is a life-threatening situation.”
― Lindy West, Shrill: Notes from a Loud Woman

“In second grade my second love wrote "I love you" on a scrap of paper and dropped it on my desk as he passed by. He was very shy and sullen. When he moved to another school at the end of the term, I was heartsick. I thought about him all summer. But I learned then that we do outgrow people and our tastes do change. One should not marry until one is older. At least ten.”
― Jane Russell, Jane Russell: My Path and My Detours: An Autobiography

“The only thing that's worse than people who say "I am what I am" is people who say "I yam what I yam" while doing a Popeye imitation.”
― Ariel Leve, It Could Be Worse, You Could Be Me: Witty Essays on Life's Comic Misfortunes for David Sedaris Fans

“Cell phones are so convenient that they're an inconvenience.”
― Haruki Murakami, Colorless Tsukuru Tazaki and His Years of Pilgrimage

“Looking at the ocean makes me miss people, and hanging out with people makes me miss the ocean.”
― Haruki Murakami, Wind/Pinball: Two Novels

“I'm not a misogynist. I'm a misanthrope. I hate everyone equally.”
― David Sedaris, Theft by Finding: Diaries 1977-2002

“Randall, the gay alcoholic in the house next door, boldly peeps through my windows. 'Boy, you sure rock in that chair a lot,' he said last week, his face pressed against my screen.
This time I was lying on my bed with Katherine's cats. I'm watching them while she's out of town. I can be very mushy, and he watched me kissing them and saying that all the other cats in the neighborhood were jealous of their beauty.”
― David Sedaris, Theft by Finding: Diaries 1977-2002

“Maybe I should get a cat. The thought invades my head fully formed and utterly obvious. A cat. Another little sociopath to curl up beside me at night and keep me warm.”
― Victoria Helen Stone, Jane Doe