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“Christmas crept into Pine Cove like a creeping Christmas thing: dragging garland, ribbon, and sleigh bells, oozing eggnog, reeking of pine, and threatening festive doom like a cold sore under the mistletoe.”
― Christopher Moore, The Stupidest Angel: A Heartwarming Tale of Christmas Terror

“Mr.Hoffman once saw me taking out the trash and said it inspired him to make me a pallbearer at his funeral. He told me to make sure they played ‘At Last’ by Etta James because that’s what everyone in town would be thinking when he finally keeled over. He wanted Get Off My Lawn engraved on his headstone to scare kids away from standing on his grave.”
― Alicia Thompson, A Classic Case