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The TMI Thread
message 651:
by
Cynthia
(new)
Jan 01, 2011 09:09AM
Britt's doing her best to get Clark ready for living with teen twins.
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Remember Clark, PMS stands for Pack My Suitcase
I appreciate your willingness to speak up, Misha. Britt puts ideas out there and seemingly does a good job with any kidding around that she gets in return.
I think individual responders have been very supportive of Britt, and I hope she'll let us know if we've said the absolutely wrong thing.
No one's said anything wrong! You've all been super helpful, really, each and every one of you. Misha, can I hug you? Like, for real. When I talk about you know, my self-esteem issues, and my need for approval, most of the advice I get, tends to be either on the "love yourself, and then someone will love you" or it's "lose weight." Fortunately, the kind people of TC have leaned on the "improving your self-esteem" side, but I kinda feel that the subject of physical attractiveness is elephant in the room, you know? Because it means a lot. Like, a lot(Thanks, Psych 101!). It doesn't mean everything, but it does mean a lot more than I'd want to believe.
Do I need to lose weight? Definitely. I am literally knocking on the door, like I mean, the door is creaking open of high blood pressure. Whenever I go to the doctor, they talk to me about it. Everyone on my mom's side of the family has high blood pressure. Most of my family is overweight or obese. 3 out of four grandparents have had strokes. Two died from those strokes. I don't quite understand why I don't have type two diabetes right now. My eczema would calm the fuck down if I weighed A LOT Less. Are there plenty of medical reasons for me to lose weight? Heck yes. If I weighed 150 pounds less, would I have as many guy problems? No. No, I wouldn't.
So, why hasn't the fatty lost weight? And I hope I don't get yelled at for whining, but, it's hard. Losing weight just isn't losing weight. See, what a lot of people don't understand is that, I didn't just wake up one morning, and oh, look at that, I weigh 300 pounds. Well, better stop eating those Twinkies. No, and I know I've made jokes about this before, but I was born overweight. Seriously, this has been since the womb. Like, for real, where was Michelle Obama with her War on Childhood Obesity when I was a kid? I've always been the fatty Mcfatty.
For me, losing weight isn't just dropping a few pounds. It's changing a fucking lifestyle. And I wish so many people understood that. It's not The Biggest Loser. It's not NutriSystem. It's not just a diet. It's a fucking life change. Telling me to stop eating cheeseburgers is like putting a band-aid on a gunshot wound. Shit doesn't work like that.
Can I lose the weight? Yes. Will it be the hardest thing I've ever done in my life? Oh my fucking gosh, yes. Am I mentally prepared to do the hardest thing I've never done? Nooooooooooo maybe sorta...is anyone ever prepared to do that? And I can't lose the weight because I want to be pretty, and I want the boy at the dance to notice me. I'm gonna have to do it because I want to for me and my well-being. I haven't felt that urge yet. I'm still on the "I'm gonna lose weight so I'll be the prettiest girl in the room." And I could still be an ugly less-fat chick, and I don't even want to think about what's gonna happen if I ever get there. That'll be the biggest letdown ever.
Next monday, I'm marching my ass into counseling like I've been planning, and continuing on with what I've started.
Britt you are so on your way. You are looking your issues straight in the eye and (really important) asking for help. None of us can deal with this stuff all by ourselves. And we ALL have stuff to deal with, truth be told.
Britt, you have hit the nail on the weight issue. A lifestyle change is extremely hard. Been there... still trying.I think you are on the right track. Diets are not sustainable. Irradicating those core beliefs that keep you from being your best is key and a counsellor can help you figure out what they are.
Can I hug both of you? I'm happy to know you, Britt - I was not brave enough at 19 to share - or even articulate the stuff I was dealing with. I've stayed out of commenting precisely because I didn't want to say the wrong thing.
Ah yes, my apologies to Britt for not knowing what the issue was, now thanks to Misha I do. So that's what you mean by novelty and distraction.I think that counseling is the best thing you can do for yourself. It's so hard for us with relatively no food disorders to understand the complexity and deep-rooted issues at base. It's unfortunately easy for us to wonder, so stop/start eating! We really can't understand how fraught everything becomes either - the images we see everyday, the catch 22 of being miserable and then doing exactly what you should not because of the misery. It's a comfortable response. Eating.
Or not eating. I've become a bit closer to understanding thanks to Misha, and also a friend of mine who has the opposite problem. She's 60, and since she was extremely young has been anorexic. Remember this was before anorexia became such public knowledge. It was completely a control issue for her. Lousy mother and all. And even tho she knows that, she still can't eat, gets completely nauseous from food. She's 5'8 and weighs less than 100.
Her brother had the opposite and was 400 lbs in his 30s. But after much therapy, he licked it and is now as buff and healthy as can be. I think it's harder for her because she is sick with a very progressive awful type of MS, so she still needs that control. Again, even if she knows all the reasons.
And again, how America's image obsession makes it even more difficult. When I was in my mid-30s, I became mildly bulimic. I couldn't eat everything I could in the past and not gain weight, oh woe is me! It all had to do with how we are supposed to look like teenage anorexic girls. Fortunately I snapped out of that quickly and accepted that I was getting older.
Now you go girl! Go face those demons! Therapy most definitely helped with my problems. Find one you like - if the first one doesn't do much for you, get another.
This episode of Twilight Zone just ended:http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Number_1...
Ever so fitting, I think.
Misha, you totally rock. You too, Britt. And Britt, I've been there--I was 370 lbs when I had bariatric surgery, and I am still overweight, just not morbidly obese anymore. My sympathies for the PMS hitting for your first week of school.
Britt, I watched that episode tonight. It's amazing how someone wrote this episode in the early '60s and how it addresses current issues: plastic surgery to make you look beautiful and younger (and make you look generic); juice that makes you instantly happy; societal pressures forcing everyone to fit in. Our perceptions of beauty are defined these days by commercial advertising. What crap. Really. Their strategy is to present an impossible image of what we should look like and then to market tons of products that will (ha) help us match that image.
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHYAAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYYYYY!!!!!!!!
One of my closest friends, the first friend I made when I got to college, is coming back for the spring semester!!! He's from Korea, and his family was here on his dad's work visa, but his company couldn't renew his visa, so my friend thought that he had to go back to Korea permanently. But he want back to Korea, and now he has a student visa, and he's coming back!!!!!!!!!!!!! YAY!!!!!!! I'm SO HAPPY!!! AHHHHHH
YAY! I'm glad you will have your friend back. That can make all the difference at school. :)
Cynthia wrote: "Clark wrote: "I'm just an aging hipster doofus, drunk with destiny and drink and living in the past.
This is all outta my league."
Clark you are no doofus. Happy new year."
Right back at ya.
This is all outta my league."
Clark you are no doofus. Happy new year."
Right back at ya.
Southern Fried Britt wrote: "UGH! I'm gonna be on my period during the first week of spring semester. DOUBLE UGH!
That was alllll for clark. :)"
Saddle up, my dear.
That was alllll for clark. :)"
Saddle up, my dear.
Carol wrote: "Remember Clark, PMS stands for Pack My Suitcase"
Like my dad used to say, "If the front door is closed, try the back."
Like my dad used to say, "If the front door is closed, try the back."
I think there's been a misunderstanding.
Southern Fried Britt wrote: "So, why hasn't the fatty lost weight? And I hope I don't get yelled at for whining, but, it's hard. Losing weight just isn't losing weight. "
Look on the bright side: if you REALLY want to, you can lose the weight. I'll never get back all of those brain cells I squashed in the 70's and 80's. They're gone for good.
Look on the bright side: if you REALLY want to, you can lose the weight. I'll never get back all of those brain cells I squashed in the 70's and 80's. They're gone for good.
Barb wrote: "I'm afraid to tell him about the cotton donkey, because I know he'll love it and use it way more often than I want him to."
It'll be our little secret.
It'll be our little secret.
This isn't attention-seeking, but since I was five, I've thought that I was the UGLIEST thing in the world, but looking at my video, I realise that.....my face isn't the ugliest face a person could have. It's actually kinda okay. That's really important for me.
Oh Britt! Your looks and demeanor in that video definitely draw you in - some people are closed down, 'don't try to get to know me'- and you are the opposite. Does that make sense?
idk, people always tell me to smile and it's just the way my face is oriented, people!
Britt, I've seen UGLY and trust me, you're not even close!
Larry wrote: "Your face is very much okay, Britt."Not only that, Britt, but a big giant YAY YOU GO, GIRL for the healthy revelation!
And the high from the excitement of the new semester is coming down, down, down, down........
Ugh. A friend made a joke, and I completely overreacted.We're watching a movie, and a girl is having sex for the first time, and she looks scared, so I said to the tv screen, "It hurts, honey." And then my friend goes, "How would you know?"
And that really fucking hurt, and I know she didn't mean it like that, but I went off. so I yelled something like, "Okay, bitch, that fucking bullshit was completely unnecessary! Do you think I don't feel bad enough as it is about being a virgin? Do you think I'm not angry enough? 'You're still a virgin because no one wants to fuck you!' That's what you said! (That's not what I said, she says.) Well, that's what I heard! Jesus! And it's not like I just want to fuck anyone, I don't even care about sex! It's just that it would be nice to have someone who wants me. Because no one wants me! I just want to be loved! Is that too much to ask? No one wants to fuck me! And the only one who did want to fuck me....I'm sorry."
Ugh. Now she's sulking in the corner. And I totally want to cry right now. Like, I really want to bury my head in my pillows and cry. Because all of that is totally true. And I told her that I wasn't yelling at her, but I was really yelling at my insecurities, because it's true. But seriously, I feel like shit right now. I've been anxious all day, and now I just want to take a vicodin (although I haven't had a headache for a week) and pass out.
Oh! And she also compared to my being attracted to Vincent Cassel's character in Black Swan to her wanting to fuck Mila Kunis, and it kinda pisses me off that she doesn't understand that it's NOT the same thing. I'm just not blindly attracted to a man because he's in his early to mid 40s. IT is NOT...hmmm..I don't want to use "cosmetic," but...it has nothing...well, it has something to do with age, but it's not a fetish! Like, she has a boyfriend, but she wants to fuck around with girls. It's not like I really like boys, and I just want fool around with middle aged men. I don't like boys (18-20something) AT ALLLLLL. They do nothing for me because they have ripped my heart out of my chest, stomped on it, and asked me why I have the AUDACITY to think that any one of them would be attracted to the Hunchback of Notre Dame. Ugh. Dammit. Grrrr
I think he'a attractive too. In Black Swan, his character is....kind of a jerk, but he's not a villain, and he has some redeeming moments, I think. And he's so much older in Black Swan! I kept thinking, "Omg, that's Kiril from Eastern Promises, but he seemed so much younger in that role."
Britt, did anything nice or pleasant happen to you today? Did someone smile at you? Did you laugh at a joke? Did you see a pretty sky or bird? I know that sometimes the negatives just seem to overwhelm you, but try to think of at least 1 good or nice thing that happened to you: your favorite song, favorite color, favorite author publish something new?
My self-esteem is in the negative tens' today
I saw a lady in the store tonight who looked a lot like Britt, so I gave her a big smile, which she returned in kind.
Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww.I'm happy now. Thanks, Phil.
You're welcome. I wish it had been the real you. :)
Was that the one African American woman in St. George, Phil?
I think there are three now, and two men. We're a thriving metropolis these days.
Okay, so three of my friends and I played Monopoly last night. I had vowed not to play Monopoly with the twins because last time was just....brutal. But I thought it would make them happy, and we wanted to play something besides Uno. So we played last night, things went well.Today, I've been crying all day. I texted one of the twins, and I said, 'You know, I have an urge to play Monopoly." And he said, okay. So I'm thinking it's going to be my three friends and I, and I wasn't even sure if two of my friends were playing because one friend said things were kinda awkward between them (they're a couple), so really I thought it was just me and Josh that was going to be playing. Then I hear that one friend invited two other friends, and everyone was playing.
Okay, so I have a coffee table in my room. It's kinda small, and four of us played last night, and we barely had room. Now there was going to be six (really five) playing? And now it was like this "thing." I didn't need a "thing." Like...this wasn't going to be an event because....I just wanted a quiet evening with three close friends. That's what I needed tonight. So when I find out that more people are coming, I was like, "No, I really don't want to do this anymore. This is not what I had in mind." and then people got bummed out and....yeah. I changed my mind, got a little upbeat, I was feeling alright.
We start playing, and I just lose my shit for some reason. Like, one friend wouldn't trade with me, and I just LOST IT. Like, yelling at him, and pouting, and I just threw a full on tantrum, and I cannot figure out why. Ugh, it's just a stupid game, but I seriously lost it.
Maybe I wasn't yelling at him, but I was really yelling at something else. hmm.
What do you think set you off, Britt?
I'm so sick of being "the big girl." So fucking sick of it. I've been "the big girl" since FOREVER. Jesus, don't I have some fucking merits? Can't I be just Britt? Can't I be fucking loved? MY WEIGHT DOES NOT DEFINE ME, STUPID FUCKING WORLD.Why the hell do you need me here anyway?
I feel like crying. Wednesday can't get here fast enough.
oh no, Britt. no, it does not and should not define you.
Southern Fried Britt wrote: "We start playing, and I just lose my shit for some reason. Like, one friend wouldn't trade with me, and I just LOST IT. Like, yelling at him, and pouting, and I just threw a full on tantrum, and I cannot figure out why. Ugh, it's just a stupid game, but I seriously lost it."
All this angst over a fucking game? You must be shitting me.
Go directly to a padded cell. Do not pass Go. Do not collect $200.
All this angst over a fucking game? You must be shitting me.
Go directly to a padded cell. Do not pass Go. Do not collect $200.
Britt, stop giving away your power. Eleanor Roosevelt was a wonderful, powerful woman who said, "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." Look at a photo of her. Her actions, not her looks, defined her. Find something meaningful to do, and change your definition of yourself.
You're alive; you have energy; energy gives you power. You have a unique personality and unique gifts. Those give you power. Then there's the power you generate for yourself by doing something positive. Britt, maybe it's as simple as waiting for a better day. I guarantee that there will be one. And when it comes, do something for someone else.
O. M. G.Okay, so when I was 17, I met a dude online. We never "had" anything, let me get that straight. He's was 24, when we met I think. He's 26 now. He's so fucking dull, and I'm pretty sure that something just...isn't all there with him. I talked to him because that was a point in my life where I was really bummed because I didn't have anyone who wanted to talk on the phone for hours about nothing and teenagers are really into that sort of thing, etc.
We didn't talk for very long because...we didn't really talk about anything. He doesn't really have a job. He just does odd jobs here and there, plays bingo, and completes online surveys. I asked him about any schooling after high school, and he was like "oh, some community college, but that didn't work out..." So the excitement of "Yay! Someone has a more than platonic interest in me!" soon wore off, and I had to tell him, "Look, guy, we don't have anything in common. We are not on the same intellectual level. This isn't going to work." Then, he was persistent, but I was firm, and he backed off.
So on Sunday night he IMs me on AIM, and we're talking, and I'm like, "Oh Lord. Not again." But I was feeling flirty, so I flirted with him harmlessly. I really didn't want to talk on the phone with him, but he was begging me to call him, so I did, and as soon as he picked up the phone, I knew exactly what he wanted. He wanted to masturbate over the phone, or phone sex.
It was the weirdest thing ever. Like....it was so creepy. Did we do that when we talked two years ago? Sure. And I can't believe I was into that! Like, he babbles and mumbles incoherently when he's about to reach orgasm. And the whole time I'm fake-moaning, thinking, "I should really be getting paid for this. Please cum now so I can get off of the phone and never speak to you again." So he finishes, and I'm like, "Yeah, I have to go." And he's all, "Wait, I thought we were gonna talk and fall asleep on the phone together." And I'm thinking, "What is wrong with this person? I actually entertained him before?" So I said, "well, sorry, I really gotta go."
The next morning I woke up, and I felt terrible. Like, I felt so fucking icky and just wrong. So I texted him and said "Hey, I was thinking about what happened last night, and something didn't feel right with me. And then I started thinking about why we stopped talking two years ago, and it's because we really don't have anything in common. You are a really nice person, but I have changed in the past two years, so I don't think that we should talk anymore." I thought that was just gonna be it.
He texts me back, hours later going, "I don't see any harm in talking relaxing or playing around. we do very well good intensity. comfort helps alot. ive missed brightening or livening each others nights." And I'm like, "What the fuck is he talking about?" And then he messages me on AIM like I haven't even said anything.
So I asked him had he got my text, and he was basically saying that he didn't see any reason for us to stop talking. Arguing with this guy is just like....I tried every variation possible of "it's not me, it's you." Every single one. I didn't want to just come out and say, "You're fucking boring. You don't stimulate me intellectually. We talk about nothing. You can't even use 'orgasm' in a sentence." 'cause basically, he just wanted me to listen to him cum every night, and I might have done that when I was 17, but I am not going to do that now. I kept telling him over and over that we don't have anything in common, and just...doing whatever that was isn't going to work for me, and he just wasn't listening to me.
And finally (I was avoiding this as well) I told him, "Look, honestly, I am into guys way older than you are. You can't age 20 years, and I'm not asking you to, but I think that we should stop beating this dead horse and lay it to rest." He kept saying that I wasn't giving this a chance, but I was like, "You're not old enough for me. We don't have anything in common. It's over."
and then he was like, "Oh, well, okay." And then it finally got through his thick skull.
oadhfha;dshgosdhgadhfadf;asodagah!!!!!!!!!
Southern Fried Britt wrote: "O. M. G.
Okay, so when I was 17, I met a dude online. We never "had" anything, let me get that straight. He's was 24, when we met I think. He's 26 now. He's so fucking dull, and I'm pretty sure th..."
Why do I suddenly feel like a quick stroll through a hazmat decontamination chamber?
Forget all of my previous bullshit opinions on psychiatry. You really do need help. But look on the bright side: it's nothing years of intense counseling won't cure.
If you keep up with this "harmless" flirting, I'm thinking your next fortune cookie is likely to read, "A psychic will lead police to your corpse."
Okay, so when I was 17, I met a dude online. We never "had" anything, let me get that straight. He's was 24, when we met I think. He's 26 now. He's so fucking dull, and I'm pretty sure th..."
Why do I suddenly feel like a quick stroll through a hazmat decontamination chamber?
Forget all of my previous bullshit opinions on psychiatry. You really do need help. But look on the bright side: it's nothing years of intense counseling won't cure.
If you keep up with this "harmless" flirting, I'm thinking your next fortune cookie is likely to read, "A psychic will lead police to your corpse."
Ha! Clark, for real, why can't I flirt with people? People flirt with me all the time, and they don't mean a damn thing, but when I do it, I get this. And I think most of it is my fault, I shouldn't have called him, but he kept literally begging me, and I felt bad.
Live and learn, Britt. Live and learn.
