Wodehouse Quotes

“I have written it before and am not ashamed to write it again. Without Wodehouse I am not sure that I would be a tenth of what I am today -- whatever that may be. In my teenage years, his writings awoke me to the possibilities of language. His rhythms, tropes, tricks and mannerisms are deep within me.
But more than that, he taught me something about good nature. It is enough to be benign, to be gentle, to be funny, to be kind.”
― Stephen Fry

“Beauty doesn't have to be about anything. What's a vase about? What's a sunset or a flower about? What, for that matter, is Mozart's Twenty-third Piano Concerto about?”
― Douglas Adams, The Salmon of Doubt

“-'What do ties matter, Jeeves, at a time like this?'
There is no time, sir, at which ties do not matter”
― P. G. Wodehouse

“I mean, imagine how some unfortunate Master Criminal would feel, on coming down to do a murder at the old Grange, if he found that not only was Sherlock Holmes putting in the weekend there, but Hercule Poirot, as well." ~ Bertram "Bertie" Wooster”
― P.G. Wodehouse, The Code of the Woosters

“[I'm] as broke as the ten commandments.”
― P. G. Wodehouse

“What a queer thing Life is! So unlike anything else, don't you know, if you see what I mean.”
― P.G. Wodehouse, My Man Jeeves

“everything is relative. you, for instance, are my relative.”
― P.G. Wodehouse

“[He] saw that a peculiar expression had come into his nephew's face; an expression a little like that of a young hindu fakir who having settled himself on his first bed of spikes is beginning to wish that he had chosen one of the easier religions.”
― P.G. Wodehouse

“As a rule, you see, I'm not lugged into Family Rows. On the occasions when Aunt is calling Aunt like mastodons bellowing across premieval swamps and Uncle James's letter about Cousin Mabel's peculiar behaviour is being shot round the family circle ('Please read this carefully and send it on Jane') the clan has a tendency to ignore me. It's one of the advantages I get from being a bachelor - and, according to my nearest and dearest, practically a half-witted bachelor at that.”
― P.G. Wodehouse, The Inimitable Jeeves

“As a dancer, I out-Fred the nimblest Astaire.”
― P.G. Wodehouse

“Sober or blotto, this is your motto: keep muddling through.”
― P.G. Wodehouse, A Damsel in Distress

“the supply of the milk of human kindness was short by several gallons”
― P.G. Wodehouse

“She gave me another of those long keen looks, and I could see that she was again asking herself if her favourite nephew wasn't steeped to the tonsils in the juice of the grape.”
― P.G. Wodehouse, Plum Pie

“the ice was not only broken; it was shivered into a million fragments”
― P.G. Wodehouse

“you ever have that feeling when you step down onto a footstep that isn't there?”
― P.G. Wodehouse

“Filled with a coward rage that dares to burn but does not dare to blaze, Lord Emsworth coughed a cough that was undisguisedly a bronchial white flag.”
― P.G. Wodehouse , Blandings Castle

“Bicky rocked, like a jelly in a high wind.”
― P.G. Wodehouse

“It would take more than long-stemmed roses to change my view that you're a despicable cowardy custard and a disgrace to a proud family. Your ancestors fought in the Crusades and were often mentioned in despatches, and you cringe like a salted snail at the thought of appearing as Santa Claus before an audience of charming children who wouldn't hurt a fly. It's enough to make an aunt turn her face to the wall and give up the struggle.”
― P.G. Wodehouse, Plum Pie

“You should read Wodehouse when you're well and when you're poorly;when you're travelling, and when you're not;when you're feeling clever, and when you're feeling utterly dim. Wodehouse always lifts your spirits,no matter how high they happen to be already.”
― Lynne Truss

“What with one thing and another, I can't remember ever having been chirpier than at about this period in my career. Everything seemed to be going right. On three separate occasions horses on which I'd invested a sizeable amount won by lengths instead of sitting down to rest in the middle of the race, as horses usually do when I've got money on them. ~ Bertram "Bertie" Wooster - The Inimitable Jeeves”
― P.G. Wodehouse, The Inimitable Jeeves

“I shuttered from hairdo to shoe-sole”
― P.G. Wodehouse

“I started m-p-h-ing it homewards in a thrice”
― P.G. Wodehouse

“cats on hot bricks could take hints from me”
― P.G. Wodehouse

“There are situations in life which are beyond one. The sensible man realizes this, and slides out of such situations, admitting himself beaten. Others try to grapple with them, but it never does any good. When affairs get in a real tangle, it is best to sit still and let them straighten themselves out. Or, if one does not do that, simply to think no more about them. This is Philosophy. The true philosopher is the man who says "All right," and goes to sleep in his arm-chair. One's attitude towards Life's Little Difficulties should be that of the gentleman in the fable, who sat down on an acorn one day and happened to doze. The warmth of his body caused the acorn to germinate, and it grew so rapidly that, when he awoke, he found himself sitting in the fork of an oak sixty feet from the ground. He thought he would go home, but, finding this impossible, he altered his plans. "Well, well," he said, "if I cannot compel circumstances to my will, I can at least adapt my will to circumstances. I decide to remain here." Which he did, and had a not unpleasant time. The oak lacked some of the comforts of home, but the air was splendid and the view excellent.
Today's Great Thought for Young Readers. Imitate this man.”
― P. G. Wodehouse

“i gave a start as if goosed from behind”
― P.G. Wodehouse

“All a publisher has to do is write cheques at intervals, while a lot of deserving and industrious chappies rally round and do the real work.”
― P. G. Wodehouse

“I don't know if it has ever occurred to you, but to the thoughtful cove there is something dashed reassuring in all the reports if burglaries you read in the papers. I mean, if you're keen on Great Britain maintaining her prestige and all that. I mean, there can't be much wrong with the moral of a country whose sons go in to such a large extent for housebreaking, because you can take it from me that the job requires a nerve of the more cast-iron description.”
― P.G. Wodehouse, Carry On, Jeeves

“Bertie : [on Gussie] Any message for him?

Roderick Spode - 8th Earl of Sidcup: Yes. Tell him I'm going to break his neck.

Bertie : Break his neck, right. And, if he should ask why?

Roderick Spode - 8th Earl of Sidcup : He knows why. Because he is a butterfly, who toys with women's hearts and throws them away like soiled gloves!

Bertie : Do butterflies do that?

Roderick Spode - 8th Earl of Sidcup : Are you trying to be funny?”
― P.G. Wodehouse

“I can remember the days, said the Gin-and-Ginger-Ale, when every other girl you met stood about six feet two in her dancing-shoes, and had as many curves as a Scenic Railway.”
― P. G. Wodehouse

“He was accompanied by something having the outward aspect of a dog.
"Blandings Castle”
― P. G. Wodehouse