Funnies Quotes

“The Consort is merciful and kind to a fault,” Keelan said.
The two of them stared at each other for half a second.
“I’m sure he is,” Jushur said.”
― Ilona Andrews, Magic Claims

“Brix scoffs. “Please.”
He lifts his, and holy forking fucknuggets. He has abs on top of his abs.
Super abs.
They could be their own superhero and wear their own cape.”
― Eden Finley, Pop Star

“His arms came around me and held me close. Good. If he’d rejected my post-sex cuddle, I would have probably turned very moody on him. He probably wasn’t quite ready for full-on queenie bitch mode.”
― Lucy lennox , Say You’ll Be Nine

“I was talking to my online book club, and they recommended …” She glances around the store as if we’re being watched and then leans in and lowers her voice. “Something called MM romance.”

I purse my lips to stop from smiling. “We, uh, do have those books, but, umm, do you know what MM means?”

When I started working here, I had no clue.

She whispers, “It’s about the gays.”

Do not laugh, Rainn. Do not laugh.

It’s hard because her tone is so serious. “We keep those books over here.”

We move toward the gay romance section, and her little face lights up. “Ooh, what’s better than one shirtless man on a cover but two?”

A chuckle finally escapes.

She reaches for a book, and my cheeks heat. “That one is kind of … advanced.”
― Eden Finley, Headstrong

“No, I’m good, just ribs saying no climbing you.” Ravi made a frustrated face, his nose crinkling up. “But I want to climb you.”

“Absolutely no climbing me—”

Ravi made a high-pitched whine of protest, already shaking his head.

“—until the bandages come off,” Sora finished, amused again. “You’ve really got to let me finish my sentences, dear heart.”

“But you start off saying really awful things,” Ravi protested. “Just checking, but I can totally climb you later, right?”
― Jocelynn Drake, Blood

“Freydis lifted a hand and rubbed briefly at the spot on her chin where the gun’s muzzle had left a mild indentation. Then she said, to Murphy, “Are you seeing anyone?”

Murphy blinked.

“Mortals make the best lovers by far,” Freydis explained. “And this job means I’m basically sexually frustrated around the clock. But it’s hard to find mortals I respect.”

Murphy’s cheeks turned bright pink. “Um.”

Freydis frowned slightly and glanced from Murphy to me and back. “I don’t mind sharing.”

“I’m . . . I’m Catholic,” Murphy said.

Freydis’s eyes shone with a wicked sparkle. “I don’t mind conflicted, either.”

Murphy gave me a somewhat desperate glance.

Huh. I’d officially seen everything now. Murphy asking for a rescue. From monsters and madmen, she’d never cried uncle.

It had taken a redhead.

“Business first, maybe?” I suggested.

“We could all die tonight,” Freydis said. “But as you wish.”
― Jim Butcher, Peace Talks

“And at that moment, you could have told me that Vermont contained nothing but rabid tourists and homicidal cows, and I would have told you it was all worthwhile, because holy shit, lumbersexuals were even hotter in their natural habitat.”
― May Archer, Pick Me

“I turn back to Brady and place a hand over his heart, pretending to blink back tears. “I’m so proud. May you have the spit-roasting you truly deserve.”
― Saxon James, The Dating Disaster

“Okay, so the Krebs cycle in Astrophage has a variant—wait. Do you call her Dr. Shapiro while having sex?” “Of course. That’s her name.”
“I kind of like it,” she said.
“I’m sorry I asked,” I said. “Now, the Krebs cycle…”
― Andy Weir, Project Hail Mary

“I was alone with a crusty lasagna and Madonna, sounding like some sort of queer fishwife bitching at her husband. Ugh, I hated that queer fishwife so much. Why did she keep popping up?”
― V.L. Locey, Shadow and Light

“No, there was no sense in throwing myself at Henry emotionally. Physically, I tried to keep my distance, honestly, I did. But a week would go by and he’d kiss my ear or compliment my ankle or buy me a new bangle and I’d find my heart overflowing with emotion. Those emotions, it seemed, ran right to my dick. Two hard dicks in the same room always ended up with my heels to Jesus. I was such a little slut…”
― V.L. Locey, Shadow and Light

“It’s time for the Great Lickin’ Festival,” she said unnecessarily, “to celebrate our glorious agricultural heritage.” She sighed again. “And I don’t need to tell you how excited your daddy and the other men in the Thicket get at Lickin’ time.”
― Lucy lennox, Fakers

“And it’s not just any Lickin’, Brooks. This is the Great Centennial Lickin’.”
― Lucy Lennox, Fakers

“I want to choke him. I really do. It might be the end of me, though. This fucking apartment is probably equipped with a mechanism that senses danger. If I lunge for him, the ping-pong table would probably swallow me whole and digest me slowly. Like a high-tech Venus Flytrap.”
― Sarina Bowen, Moonlighter

“He licked me,” Warin gasped.

“Huh. I don’t think Cameron licked Alric.” Gunter paused, and a
little smirk twisted his lips. “Well, I don’t think Cameron licked Alric
right away. But we’re getting off the subject we should be discussing.”
― A.J. Sherwood, Wish

“Whit enters and takes off his coat. “It’s March. The trees are still bare.”

“I swear I walked past a tree that sprayed its sex pollen all over me. It only takes one tree, Whit. I’ve been sneezing ever since.”

“Sex pollen …” Whit blinks at me.

“That’s what it is!”

“I will never look at trees the same way again. Does that make bees, like, nature’s pimps?”
― Eden Finley, Headstrong

“Rainn turning up at my game last night was surprising, and even though it was a total boyfriend move, I can’t let myself think that way. We haven’t had an official date or anything, and we’ve hooked up twice. Although, technically, I have come four times in the last eighteen hours or so, so is that one hookup or four?

Sex math is hard.”
― Eden Finley, Headstrong

“Mrs. Embry flips through the book, pausing to read a few paragraphs. “What’s a boy button?”

Loud laughter comes from behind me, but when I turn to glare at my boss, it’s hard not to laugh with him. He’s trying to contain it, which only makes his face look strained, and his cheeks turn pink.

He waves his hand and abandons his spot where he’s putting the new stock out on shelves, no doubt retreating to the back room to compose himself.

“Uh …” I have no idea what to tell Mrs. Embry.

“Whatever it is, this man sure likes it being pegged. I’m sold.”
She hands me the book to ring it up at the cash register, and it takes a second for me to process what just happened.

“Are you sure you want this one?”

“This is good.”
― Eden Finley, Headstrong

“The last damn thing I needed was to have some rangers out here looking for a naked man or to have to march back to Simon with my ass out. Though I did enjoy watching him squirm when I was freeballing. I’d never seen someone concentrating so hard on keeping eye contact.

I think he protests too much.

Or maybe I was just really horny for some contact. This whole damn trip had left me painfully unfucked, and it was starting to get to me. The hunt would help burn some energy, and a full stomach would help me sleep without needing to jack off.”
― Maz Maddox, Smash & Grab

“No,” he says slowly. “But if you’re trying to convince me to move out, getting a puppy is not the way to do it.”

“So you’re just using me for my dog?” I ask, risking a glance over at him.

“And your big,” his eyes drop to my arms, “beachfront access.”

His grin is addicting and I can’t help smiling back. He might not know he’s doing it, but Sean is flirting with me. I’ve gone to bed with people with less encouragement.

“That’s why I got it,” I say fluttering my eyelashes. “My beachfront brings all the boys to my yard.”
― A.E. Wasp, Heartsong

“He heaved a breath. Then set his jaw, nodded, and said, “Got it.”

“Good man,” I said. “You’re handling this well.”

“I am not,” Bradley said without slowing his steps. “I am not.”

“Then you are freaking out in the most useful way possible,” I said. “Keep it up.”
― Jim Butcher, Battle Ground

“As soon as the half-red, half-gray Honda Civic peeled out of the lot, I turned back to Champ with a puffed-up sense of pride at my success. “Am I forgiven?”

“I don’t know. Maybe I’ll ask my husband. The gun-toting drag queen.”

I pointed at him. “May you be so lucky. If you weren’t a workaholic, you could totally land a nice buxom queen instead of that big, callused hand you’re married to now.”
― Lucy Lennox, Hijacked

“The law of orgasms said the harder you came, the more humiliation you had to suffer the next morning, and apparently there were no exceptions for accidental midnight frots with your domineering bodyguard.”
― Lucy Lennox, Hijacked

“He’d shared stories about his family or about the missions he’d been on, but I wanted more than the facts and the funny anecdotes. I wanted to know how he felt about things—about his family and being in the Marines, about his job at Champion Security, about our chances of getting away from Gustavo. About me. But it felt like whenever I’d try to actually talk about feelings, he’d blank his expression, clutch his badass, commando pearls, and splutter about how we weren’t meant to be friends, Carter.”
― Lucy Lennox, Hijacked

“I could just imagine Cindy Ann telling Cherry the tale of Champ and the Twenty-Eight Walks of Shame, embellishing every already embarrassing detail.”
― Lucy Lennox, Hitched

“He put it in reverse and tapped the gas...And was astounded when the thing growled backward like it was stalking a Honda to eat for lunch.”
― Amy Lane, It's Not Shakespeare