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  • #1
    Laurence J. Peter
    “If a cluttered desk is a sign of a cluttered mind, of what, then, is an empty desk a sign?”
    ― Laurence J. Peter
    tags: misattributed-einstein
    8442 likes

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  • #2
    A.A. Milne
    “How lucky am I to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard.”
    ― A.A. Milne, The Complete Tales of Winnie-the-Pooh
    tags: friendship, humor, love
    606 likes

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  • #3
    Albert Einstein
    “Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe.”
    ― Albert Einstein
    tags: attributed-no-source, human-nature, humor, infinity, philosophy, science, stupidity, universe
    147968 likes

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  • #4
    Charles M. Schulz
    “All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn't hurt.”
    ― Charles M. Schulz
    tags: chocolate, food, humor
    26791 likes

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  • #5
    Lemony Snicket
    “I suppose I'll have to add the force of gravity to my list of enemies.”
    ― Lemony Snicket, The Penultimate Peril
    tags: humor
    5064 likes

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  • #6
    A.A. Milne
    “People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.”
    ― A.A. Milne, Winnie-the-Pooh
    tags: humor, idleness, inspirational
    5345 likes

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  • #7
    Arthur C. Clarke
    “I'm sure the universe is full of intelligent life. It's just been too intelligent to come here.”
    ― Arthur C. Clarke
    tags: extraterrestrials, humor, intelligent-life, life, science, universe
    4051 likes

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  • #8
    Mark Twain
    “Never put off till tomorrow what may be done day after tomorrow just as well.”
    ― Mark Twain
    34484 likes

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  • #9
    Douglas Adams
    “I love deadlines. I love the whooshing noise they make as they go by.”
    ― Douglas Adams, The Salmon of Doubt: Hitchhiking the Galaxy One Last Time
    tags: deadlines, humor, humour, work, writing
    32128 likes

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  • #10
    Douglas Adams
    “The story so far:
    In the beginning the Universe was created.
    This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move.”
    ― Douglas Adams, The Restaurant at the End of the Universe
    tags: humor, scifi
    23425 likes

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  • #11
    Benjamin Franklin Wade
    “Go to heaven for the climate and hell for the company.”
    ― Benjamin Franklin Wade
    tags: humor, misattributed-mark-twain, philosophy, theology
    19817 likes

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  • #12
    Douglas Adams
    “I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that I don't know the answer”
    ― Douglas Adams
    tags: attributed-no-source, humor, misattributed-douglas-adams, wit
    11373 likes

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  • #13
    J.K. Rowling
    “Is it true that you shouted at Professor Umbridge?"
    "Yes."
    "You called her a liar?"
    "Yes."
    "You told her He Who Must Not Be Named is back?"
    "Yes."
    "Have a biscuit, Potter.”
    ― J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix
    10526 likes

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  • #14
    George Carlin
    “The planet is fine. The people are fucked.”
    ― George Carlin
    tags: funny, humanity, humor
    8859 likes

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  • #15
    Mark Twain
    “I did not attend his funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.”
    ― Mark Twain
    tags: classic-insult, funeral, funny, humor
    7621 likes

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  • #16
    W.C. Fields
    “If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.”
    ― W.C. Fields
    7421 likes

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  • #17
    Mark Twain
    “I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didn’t know.”
    ― Mark Twain
    tags: humor, knowledge
    6880 likes

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  • #18
    Oscar Wilde
    “I think God, in creating man, somewhat overestimated his ability.”
    ― Oscar Wilde
    tags: creation, god, humor, man
    6372 likes

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  • #19
    Steven Wright
    “Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.”
    ― Steven Wright
    tags: amnesia, humor, memory
    4695 likes

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  • #20
    George Carlin
    “Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.”
    ― George Carlin
    tags: fighting, humor, misattributed-george-carlin, peace, sex
    4258 likes

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  • #21
    Voltaire
    “It is forbidden to kill; therefore all murderers are punished unless they kill in large numbers and to the sound of trumpets.”
    ― Voltaire
    tags: double-standards, ethics, governments, humor, irony, killing, law, mankind, morality, murder, nationalism, nations, war
    4072 likes

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  • #22
    George Bernard Shaw
    “Animals are my friends...and I don't eat my friends.”
    ― George Bernard Shaw
    tags: animals, attributed-no-source, friends, humor, vegetarianism
    3096 likes

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  • #23
    Douglas Adams
    “Nothing travels faster than the speed of light, with the possible exception of bad news, which obeys its own special laws.”
    ― Douglas Adams, Mostly Harmless
    tags: humor, novelist, science-fiction
    2685 likes

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  • #24
    A.A. Milne
    “It's snowing still," said Eeyore gloomily.
    "So it is."
    "And freezing."
    "Is it?"
    "Yes," said Eeyore. "However," he said, brightening up a little, "we haven't had an earthquake lately.”
    ― A.A. Milne
    tags: humor, optimism
    1539 likes

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  • #25
    Bill Watterson
    “As far as I'm concerned, if something is so complicated that you can't explain it in 10 seconds, then it's probably not worth knowing anyway.”
    ― Bill Watterson, The Indispensable Calvin and Hobbes
    tags: humor
    1186 likes

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  • #26
    George Carlin
    “Tell people there's an invisible man in the sky who created the universe, and the vast majority will believe you. Tell them the paint is wet, and they have to touch it to be sure.”
    ― George Carlin
    tags: absurdity, belief, credulity, doubt, evidence, gullibility, humor, indoctrination, invisible, reason, skepticism
    1203 likes

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  • #27
    Groucho Marx
    “If a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere.”
    ― Groucho marx
    1019 likes

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  • #28
    Lemony Snicket
    “Sometimes, just saying that you hate something, and having someone agree with you, can make you feel better about a terrible situation.”
    ― Lemony Snicket, The Bad Beginning
    tags: humor
    1007 likes

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  • #29
    Winston S. Churchill
    “Don't interrupt me while I'm interrupting.”
    ― Winston S. Churchill
    tags: humor
    994 likes

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  • #30
    Rick Riordan
    “Delaying death is one of my favorite hobbies”
    ― Rick Riordan, The Mark of Athena
    tags: attacked, death, delaying, humor, leo, the-mark-of-athena
    906 likes



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friendship
humor
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