Mel > Mel's Quotes

“Paranoid? Probably. But just because you're paranoid doesn't mean there isn't an invisible demon about to eat your face.”
― Jim Butcher, Storm Front

“In the name of the Pizza Lord. Charge!”
― Jim Butcher, Summer Knight

“Sleep is God. Go worship.”
― Jim Butcher, Death Masks

“The human mind is not a terribly logical or consistent place.”
― Jim Butcher, Turn Coat

“A friend's loyalty lasts longer than their memory. Over the course of a long friendship, you might fight with your friend, even get angry with them. But a true friend will forget that anger after a while, because their loyalty to their friend outweighs the memory of the disagreement.”
― Matthew Reilly, The 5 Greatest Warriors

“Now go and stake some vamps. Especially the sparkly emo ones.”
― Kevin Hearne, Hammered

“Wisdom eludes me yet, but foolishness I captured long ago and to this day it is my constant companion, though many people consider me wise.”
― Kevin Hearne, Hammered

“People used to say obvious things ironically or as a form of understatement, but in the last few decades they seem to say it with a sense of discovery, and it worries me.”
― Kevin Hearne, Clan Rathskeller

“Wooo!’ he said, slamming his shot glass down and coughing a bit. ‘That’s good stuff.’
I agreed heartily. ‘Shall we do another one?’ I asked.
‘Oh no,’ Jesus said quietly, his eyes growing round. ‘This is one of those situations where I have to stop and ask myself, what would I do?”
― Kevin Hearne, Hammered

“Dude. If that was a Shakespearean quote duel, he just kicked your ass.”
― Kevin Hearne, Hexed

“You will respect my authori-tah!' Oberon said, in a passable imitation of Eric Cartman. I reminded him that I needed to concentrate. Sometimes dogs forget; they just get too excited.”
― Kevin Hearne, Hounded

“Flidais clapped her hands in delight.
"Oh, I bet he nearly shat kine!"
That made me laugh - I hadn't heard that expression in a long, long time. I refrained from telling her that the modern expression would be "he had a cow", because I liked the original better.
"Yes, the kine he nearly shat would have fed several clans.”
― Kevin Hearne, Hounded

“Brighid’s eyes flashed with a blue flame, and I wondered if she had learned to do that just so she could compete with the Morrigan’s red flashes. Maybe I should try to figure out how to make my eyes flash green so I could freak out the baristas at Starbucks. “No, you foolish mortal,” I’d say as my eyes glowed, “I ordered a nonfat latte.”
― Kevin Hearne, Hexed

“Oh. Oberon looked at me. I know that has to make you sad. But call to me instead, Atticus. I'll always answer. Your fly has been open all this time, by the way, and Granuaile hasn't said a thing.

Thanks, buddy, I said silently as I tried to surreptitiously zip up my jeans.

See? I got your back AND your front. I deserve a treat.”
― Kevin Hearne, Hexed

“Aw, no. You’re taking us to that vegetarian place,
aren’t you?
It’s a coffee place. You can’t just automatically classify anything that isn’t a steak house as vegetarian.
Yes, I can. This is America. You said Americans assert their own opinions as if they were facts and dismiss inconvenient facts as mere opinions.”
― Kevin Hearne, Kaibab Unbound

“You're trying to be cool now, Leif? Seriously?"

"I am the shit, home slice, straight up," he replied.

"No. I mean, don't get me wrong, this is a great effort, but you still need to use more contractions. And your tone is so formal, it's like you're complimenting the pudding at a duke's dinner party."

"Fucking H!" the vampire shouted, shaking his free left fist. He enunciated the g very clearly and projected his voice from his diaphragm, like a trained opera singer.

"It's fuckin' A, not H, but yeah Leif, go ahead, let's throw down.”
― Kevin Hearne, Hexed

“Malina looked incredulous. "Are you anything more than a Druid?"
"Of course I am. I own this shop and I play a mean game of chess, and I've been told that I'm a frakkin' Cylon."
"What's a frakkin' Cylon?"
"I don't know, but it sounds really scary when you say it with a Polish Accent.”
― Kevin Hearne, Hounded

“No, they're contemporary witch hunters, based in Russia."
The crease deepened. "Hold on a moment. They sound like assholes?"
I blinked, uncertain I'd heard him correctly. "I beg your pardon?"
Jesus grimaced and pointed at his head. "It's this tiny human brain-I have to have a filing system for all this information or I can't keep track of it all. It sounds like these guys would be filed under Assholes Who Do Evil Shit in My Name."
"Jesus. I mean, wow. That's the name of one of your files?"
"One of my largest, unfortunately.”
― Kevin Hearne, Hammered

“They'll have to bring in Mulder an' Scully, because there ain't no CSI on the planet that'll ever be able to explain this.”
― Kevin Hearne, Hexed

“Here is how you know someone has had a good idea: Other people freely admit to their friends that said idea has changed their lives. Most people today will grant that fire and the wheel are the big two. After that, any attempts to rank the greatest ideas of all time are going to draw lots of argument. You’ll have zealots pimping this god or that on the one hand, scientists pimping Darwin on the other, and then practical people pointing at written language and saying, look, fellas, the reason those ideas have gone viral is because someone figured out how to write them down.”
― Kevin Hearne, Hammered

“When in doubt, blame the dark elves.”
― Kevin Hearne, Trapped

“The tendency of modern American women to exclaim 'Hiiiiiiiiiiii!' in soprano octaves and hug each other upon sight can be disconcerting to those unfamiliar with it.”
― Kevin Hearne, Hexed

“ What's silly is paying five bucks for hot milk and flavored syrup! But now I see what's really been going on all this time! They charge you all that money because they need it for the R & D! Somewhere on the outskirts of Seattle, there's a secret facility with higher security than Area 51, and inside there are men with poor eyesight and bad haircuts wearing white coats, and they're trying to make the Holy Grail of all coffee drinks.


The bacon latte?


No, Atticus, I already told you those exist! I'm talking about the prophecy! 'Out of the steam and the foam and the froth, a man in white with poor eyesight will craft a liquid paradox, and it shall be called the Triple Nonfat Double Bacon Five-Cheese Mocha!'


Oberon, what the F---?”
― Kevin Hearne, Hammered

“It is inhumane, in my opinion, to force people who have a genuine medical need for coffee to wait in line behind people who apparently view it as some kind of recreational activity.”
― Dave Barry

“Just the other day, I was in my neighborhood Starbucks, waiting for the post office to open. I was enjoying a chocolatey cafe mocha when it occurred to me that to drink a mocha is to gulp down the entire history of the New World. From the Spanish exportation of Aztec cacao, and the Dutch invention of the chemical process for making cocoa, on down to the capitalist empire of Hershey, PA, and the lifestyle marketing of Seattle's Starbucks, the modern mocha is a bittersweet concoction of imperialism, genocide, invention, and consumerism served with whipped cream on top.”
― Sarah Vowell

“Police work wouldn't be possible without coffee," Wallander said.
"No work would be possible without coffee."
They pondered the importance of coffee in silence.”
― Henning Mankell, One Step Behind

“Come on, don't you ever stop and smell the coffee?”
― Justina Chen Headley, North of Beautiful

“Do you know how helpless you feel if you have a full cup of coffee in your hand and you start to sneeze? ”
― Jean Kerr