Kaibab Unbound Quotes

“I can't spend too much time in the forests because I invariably leave traces-ridiculously happy trees, basically, since I'm the last Druid in the world and they tend to geek out like Joss Whedon fans when I show up.”
― Kevin Hearne, Kaibab Unbound

“Aw, no. You’re taking us to that vegetarian place,
aren’t you?
It’s a coffee place. You can’t just automatically classify anything that isn’t a steak house as vegetarian.
Yes, I can. This is America. You said Americans assert their own opinions as if they were facts and dismiss inconvenient facts as mere opinions.”
― Kevin Hearne, Kaibab Unbound

“Let me tell you, people go on and on about what a great idea electricity was, but I'm going to put toilet paper right next to the wheel and say those are the best ideas anyone's ever had. Scoff at it if you will, but try living for two millennia without it and then we'll talk.”
― Kevin Hearne, Kaibab Unbound

“Are you going to kick somebody’s ass?

I don’t know. Maybe.

Well, I’m not going to worry. I’ve watched you spar with that martial arts dummy in the backyard lots of times, and you always win.

Thanks, buddy. I’ll see you soon.”
― Kevin Hearne, Kaibab Unbound

“I quietly cast camouflage on myself, which is the nearest I can come to invisibility. It binds my pigment to my surroundings, so that I become practically invisible when I remain still. People can see me if I move quickly, but if I imitate the Rock of Gibraltar they have to really know I’m there to spot me. I figured it was best: Naked women rarely welcome the approach of strange naked men, except in porn movies.”
― Kevin Hearne, Kaibab Unbound

“It's a coffee place. You can't just automatically classify anything that isn't a steak house as vegetarian.
Yes, I can. This is America. You said Americans assert heir own opinions as if they were facts and dismiss inconvenient fast as mere opinions.”
― Kevin Hearne, Kaibab Unbound

“Witches and I generally don't get along. Druids look at the tapestry of nature and try to make sure the weave of it remains strong, reinforcing the binding amongst all living things and sewing up the threads on the edges that fray and unravel. Witches, on the other hand, often punch holes in the tapestry in the pursuit of personal power, making deals with dark, supernatural forces that want nothing more than to see nature perverted and destroyed.”
― Kevin Hearne, Kaibab Unbound