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  • #1
    Albert Einstein
    “Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe.”
    ― Albert Einstein
    tags: attributed-no-source, human-nature, humor, infinity, philosophy, science, stupidity, universe
    148569 likes

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  • #2
    Groucho Marx
    “Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.”
    ― Groucho Marx, The Essential Groucho: Writings For By And About Groucho Marx
    tags: animals, books, dogs, friends, humor
    38003 likes

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  • #3
    Douglas Adams
    “I love deadlines. I love the whooshing noise they make as they go by.”
    ― Douglas Adams, The Salmon of Doubt: Hitchhiking the Galaxy One Last Time
    tags: deadlines, humor, humour, work, writing
    32157 likes

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  • #4
    Robert A. Heinlein
    “Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.”
    ― Robert A. Heinlein
    tags: cats, humor, women
    28817 likes

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  • #5
    Woody Allen
    “I'm not afraid of death; I just don't want to be there when it happens.”
    ― Woody Allen
    tags: death, fear, humor, life
    25655 likes

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  • #6
    Charles Bukowski
    “Some people never go crazy. What truly horrible lives they must lead.”
    ― Charles Bukowski
    tags: humor
    22524 likes

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  • #7
    Terry Pratchett
    “The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it.”
    ― Terry Pratchett, Diggers
    tags: humor, open-mind, thinking
    21439 likes

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  • #8
    Bill Watterson
    “Reality continues to ruin my life.”
    ― Bill Watterson, The Complete Calvin and Hobbes
    tags: calvin-and-hobbes, humor, life
    21206 likes

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  • #9
    George Carlin
    “The reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one whose answers I accept.”
    ― George Carlin
    tags: humor, insanity, lies, lying, self-indulgence, truth
    19800 likes

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  • #10
    I love mankind ... it's people I can't stand!!
    “I love mankind ... it's people I can't stand!!”
    ― Charles M. Schulz
    tags: humor, mankind, people
    18553 likes

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  • #11
    W.C. Fields
    “I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally. ”
    ― W.C. Fields
    18674 likes

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  • #12
    Lewis Carroll
    “It’s no use going back to yesterday, because I was a different person then.”
    ― Lewis Carroll
    tags: alice, humor, inspirational, philosophy-of-life, psychological, yesterday
    17434 likes

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  • #13
    “Have you ever noticed how ‘What the hell’ is always the right decision to make?”
    ― Terry Johnson, Insignificance
    tags: humor, misattributed-to-marilyn-monroe, philosophy
    13820 likes

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  • #14
    C.E.M. Joad
    “Creativity is knowing how to hide your sources”
    ― C.E.M. Joad
    tags: creativity, humor, misattributed-to-einstein, paraphrased
    13078 likes

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  • #15
    Rita Mae Brown
    “The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four people is suffering from a mental illness. Look at your 3 best friends. If they're ok, then it's you.”
    ― Rita Mae Brown
    tags: humor, insanity
    12676 likes

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  • #16
    Lemony Snicket
    “Fate is like a strange, unpopular restaurant filled with odd little waiters who bring you things you never asked for and don't always like.”
    ― Lemony Snicket
    tags: fate, humor, simile
    13153 likes

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  • #17
    Terry Pratchett
    “Give a man a fire and he's warm for a day, but set fire to him and he's warm for the rest of his life.”
    ― Terry Pratchett, Jingo
    tags: humor, proverb
    12944 likes

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  • #18
    Chuck Palahniuk
    “All God does is watch us and kill us when we get boring. We must never, ever be boring.”
    ― Chuck Palahniuk, Invisible Monsters
    tags: god, humor, life
    11624 likes

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  • #19
    Douglas Adams
    “I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that I don't know the answer”
    ― Douglas Adams
    tags: attributed-no-source, humor, misattributed-douglas-adams, wit
    11371 likes

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  • #20
    Oscar Levant
    “There's a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line.”
    ― Oscar Levant
    tags: genius, humor, insanity
    9901 likes

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  • #21
    Albert Einstein
    “Never memorize something that you can look up.”
    ― Albert Einstein
    tags: humor, science
    11415 likes

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  • #22
    Albert Einstein
    “When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That's relativity.”
    ― Albert Einstein
    tags: humor
    9934 likes

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  • #23
    Thomas Szasz
    “Two wrongs don't make a right, but they make a good excuse.”
    ― Thomas Szasz
    tags: humor, inspirational
    9771 likes

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  • #24
    George Carlin
    “The planet is fine. The people are fucked.”
    ― George Carlin
    tags: funny, humanity, humor
    8872 likes

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  • #25
    Mark Twain
    “I did not attend his funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.”
    ― Mark Twain
    tags: classic-insult, funeral, funny, humor
    7634 likes

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  • #26
    Mae West
    “I generally avoid temptation unless I can't resist it.”
    ― Mae West
    tags: humor, temptation
    7025 likes

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  • #27
    Charles M. Schulz
    “Happiness is a warm puppy.”
    ― Charles M. Schulz
    tags: animals, dogs, happiness, humor, puppies
    6766 likes

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  • #28
    Mark Twain
    “I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didn’t know.”
    ― Mark Twain
    tags: humor, knowledge
    6888 likes

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  • #29
    Isaac Asimov
    “Never let your sense of morals prevent you from doing what is right.”
    ― Isaac Asimov, Foundation
    tags: humor, inspirational, philosophy, wisdom
    7761 likes

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  • #30
    Terry Pratchett
    “It is said that your life flashes before your eyes just before you die. That is true, it's called Life.”
    ― Terry Pratchett, The Last Continent
    tags: death, humor, life
    6731 likes



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Tags From John’s Quotes

attributed-no-source
human-nature
humor
infinity
philosophy
science
stupidity
universe
animals
books
dogs
friends
deadlines
humour
work
writing
cats
women
death
fear
life
open-mind
thinking
calvin-and-hobbes
insanity
lies
lying
self-indulgence
truth
mankind
people
alice
inspirational
philosophy-of-life
psychological
yesterday
misattributed-to-marilyn-monroe
creativity
misattributed-to-einstein
paraphrased
fate
simile
proverb
god
misattributed-douglas-adams
wit
genius
funny
humanity
classic-insult
funeral
temptation
happiness
puppies
knowledge
wisdom