M.K. > M.K.'s Quotes

“Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.”
― Mark Twain

“Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.”
― Groucho Marx, The Essential Groucho: Writings For By And About Groucho Marx

“Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe.”
― Albert Einstein

“A woman is like a tea bag; you never know how strong it is until it's in hot water.”
― Eleanor Roosevelt

“The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it.”
― Terry Pratchett, Diggers

“Children are a burden to a mother, but not the way a heavy box is to a mule. Our children weight hard on my heart, and thinking about them growing up honest and healthy, or just living to grow up at all, makes a load in my chest that is bigger than the safe at the bank,and more valuable to me than all the gold inside it.”
― Nancy E. Turner, These Is My Words: The Diary of Sarah Agnes Prine, 1881-1901

“To say that I met Nicholas Brisbane over my husband's dead body is not entirely accurate. Edward, it should be noted, was still twitching upon the floor.”
― Deanna Raybourn, Silent in the Grave

“All the variety, all the charm, all the beauty of life is made up of light and shadow.”
― Leo Tolstoy, Anna Karenina

“A chrysanthemum by any other name would be a lot easier to spell.”
― Robert C. Savage

“I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.”
― Thomas A. Edison

“Making love without noise is like playing a muted piano-fine for practice, but you cheat yourself out of hearing the glorious results.”
― David Levithan, Dash & Lily's Book of Dares

“We don't see things as they are, we see them as we are.”
― Anaïs Nin

“Fairy tales are more than true: not because they tell us that dragons exist, but because they tell us that dragons can be beaten.”
― Neil Gaiman, Coraline

“Everyone is so obsessed with themselves nowadays that they have no time for me.”
― Louise Rennison, Dancing in My Nuddy-Pants

“If the phone doesn't ring, it's me.”
― Jimmy Buffett

“He trailed off as he saw the books. Piles and stacks of them beside the sofa, another stack on the coffee table, a sea of them on her dining table.
Jesus Christ, Dane, you need treatment.”
― Nora Roberts

“Calvin: Why are you crying mom?
Mom: I'm cutting up an onion.
Calvin: It must be hard to cook if you anthrpomorphisize your vegetables.”
― Bill Watterson, The Complete Calvin and Hobbes

“Reading goes faster if you don't sweat comprehension.”
― Bill Watterson, The Complete Calvin and Hobbes

“Some women hold up dresses that are so ugly and they always say the same thing: 'This looks much better on.' on what? On fire?”
― Rita Rudner

“When I met Mr. Right I had no idea that his first name was Always”
― Rita Rudner

“Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like shoveling the sidewalk before it stops snowing.”
― Phyllis Diller

“Tact is the ability to tell someone to go to hell in such a way that they look forward to the trip.”
― Winston Churchill

“How dreadful are the curses which Mohammedanism lays on its votaries! Besides the fanatical frenzy, which is as dangerous in a man as hydrophobia in a dog, there is this fearful fatalistic apathy. The effects are apparent in many countries. Improvident habits, slovenly systems of agriculture, sluggish methods of commerce, and insecurity of property exist wherever the followers of the Prophet rule or live. A degraded sensualism deprives this life of its grace and refinement; the next of its dignity and sanctity. The fact that in Mohammedan law every woman must belong to some man as his absolute property – either as a child, a wife, or a concubine – must delay the final extinction of slavery until the faith of Islam has ceased to be a great power among men. Thousands become the brave and loyal soldiers of the faith: all know how to die but the influence of the religion paralyses the social development of those who follow it. No stronger retrograde force exists in the world. Far from being moribund, Mohammedanism is a militant and proselytizing faith. It has already spread throughout Central Africa, raising fearless warriors at every step; and were it not that Christianity is sheltered in the strong arms of science, the science against which it had vainly struggled, the civilisation of modern Europe might fall, as fell the civilisation of ancient Rome.”
― Winston Churchill, The River War

“To improve is to change; to be perfect is to change often.”
― Winston S. Churchill

“I cannot forecast to you the action of Russia. It is a riddle wrapped in a mystery inside an enigma. But perhaps there is a key. That key is Russian national interest.”
― Winston S. Churchill, The Gathering Storm

“Dogs are the leaders of the planet. If you see two life forms, one of them's making a poop, the other one's carrying it for him, who would you assume is in charge.”
― Jerry Seinfeld

“Nobody gave me what I wanted for my birthday! Nobody! What sort of presents do you call these? New shoes, a green sweater and a bunch of stupid toys!"
"What were you expecting?"
"Real estate!”
― Charles M. Schulz, The Complete Peanuts, 1961-1962

“Writers fish for the right words like fishermen fish for, um, whatever those aquatic creatures with fins and gills are called. 
”
― Jarod Kintz, This is the best book I've ever written, and it still sucks

“There are no good girls gone wrong - just bad girls found out.”
― Mae West

“He shrank from hearing Margaret's very name mentioned; he, while he blamed her – while he was jealous of her – while he renounced her – he loved her sorely, in spite of himself.”
― Elizabeth Gaskell, North and South