Laura > Laura's Quotes

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  • #1
    Karen Chance
    “I'm tired, I'm hungry and I have a head in a bag," I warned him. "Do not fuck with me.”
    ― Karen Chance, Death's Mistress
    tags: funny, head
    111 likes

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  • #2
    I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control
    “I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.”
    ― Marilyn Monroe
    tags: attributed-no-source, best, life, love, misattributed-marilyn-monroe, mistakes, out-of-control, truth, worst
    165290 likes

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  • #3
    Albert Einstein
    “Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe.”
    ― Albert Einstein
    tags: attributed-no-source, human-nature, humor, infinity, philosophy, science, stupidity, universe
    148475 likes

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  • #4
    I love mankind ... it's people I can't stand!!
    “I love mankind ... it's people I can't stand!!”
    ― Charles M. Schulz
    tags: humor, mankind, people
    18544 likes

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  • #5
    Steve Martin
    “A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.”
    ― Steve Martin
    tags: humor, obvious, simile
    35259 likes

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  • #6
    Douglas Adams
    “The story so far:
    In the beginning the Universe was created.
    This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move.”
    ― Douglas Adams, The Restaurant at the End of the Universe
    tags: humor, scifi
    23458 likes

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  • #7
    Markus Herz
    “Be careful about reading health books. Some fine day you'll die of a misprint.”
    ― Markus Herz
    tags: books, health, humor, misattributed-mark-twain, misprints
    13739 likes

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  • #8
    Terry Pratchett
    “Some humans would do anything to see if it was possible to do it. If you put a large switch in some cave somewhere, with a sign on it saying 'End-of-the-World Switch. PLEASE DO NOT TOUCH', the paint wouldn't even have time to dry.”
    ― Terry Pratchett, Thief of Time
    tags: humor
    10165 likes

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  • #9
    Terry Pratchett
    “The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it.”
    ― Terry Pratchett, Diggers
    tags: humor, open-mind, thinking
    21431 likes

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  • #10
    Terry Pratchett
    “It's not worth doing something unless someone, somewhere, would much rather you weren't doing it.”
    ― Terry Pratchett
    3099 likes

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  • #11
    Terry Pratchett
    “No! Please! I'll tell you whatever you want to know!" the man yelled.
    "Really?" said Vimes. "What's the orbital velocity of the moon?"
    "What?"
    "Oh, you'd like something simpler?”
    ― Terry Pratchett, Night Watch
    tags: absurd, humor, interrogation, police
    1974 likes

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  • #12
    Terry Pratchett
    “I meant," said Ipslore bitterly, "what is there in this world that truly makes living worthwhile?"
    Death thought about it.
    CATS, he said eventually. CATS ARE NICE.”
    ― Terry Pratchett, Sourcery
    tags: cats, death, life
    3627 likes

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  • #13
    Terry Pratchett
    “There is a rumour going around that I have found God. I think this is unlikely because I have enough difficulty finding my keys, and there is empirical evidence that they exist.”
    ― Terry Pratchett
    1979 likes

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  • #14
    Neil Gaiman
    “An Angel who did not so much Fall as Saunter Vaguely Downwards.”
    ― Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett, Good Omens: The Nice and Accurate Prophecies of Agnes Nutter, Witch
    1529 likes

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  • #15
    Patricia Briggs
    “Nothing says you're sorry like a dead bunny.”
    ― Patricia Briggs, River Marked
    tags: adam, apology, mercy, sorry
    304 likes

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  • #16
    Patricia Briggs
    “He stopped what he was doing and pulled out his magic phone.

    Okay, the phone wasn't magic, but it does things my computer struggles with.”
    ― Patricia Briggs, River Marked
    96 likes

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  • #17
    Patricia Briggs
    “Women are the bloodthirsty sex," said Ric sadly. "We get the reputation, but it is only because the women stand behind us, and say, 'Kill it. Squish it.”
    ― Patricia Briggs, Hunting Ground
    tags: women
    561 likes

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  • #18
    Patricia Briggs
    “My grandfather would have loved to have met you," he told her huskily. "He would have called you 'She Moves Trees Out of His Path.' "

    She looked lost, but his da laughed. He'd known the old man, too.

    "He called me 'He Who Must Run into Trees,'" Charles explained, and in a spirit of honesty, a need for his mate to know who he was, he continued, "or sometimes 'Running Eagle.' "

    " 'Running Eagle'?" Anna puzzled it over, frowning at him. "What's wrong with that?"

    "Too stupid to fly," murmured his father with a little smile.”
    ― Patricia Briggs, Hunting Ground
    tags: charles-cornick, names
    396 likes

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  • #19
    Susan Elizabeth Phillips
    “You know that we've got a few problems we need to talk through before we get married."

    "I'm not getting rid of Pooh."

    "See, there you go being antagonistic. Marriage means learning to compromise."

    "I didn't say I wouldn't compromise. I promise to take the ribbon out of her topknot before you walk her.”
    ― Susan Elizabeth Phillips, It Had to Be You
    tags: it-had-to-be-you, romance, susan-elizabeth-phillips
    86 likes

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  • #20
    Chloe Neill
    “Morgan and Catcher said their manly hellos - consisting of a symbolic head bob from Catcher (of the "You're in my lair now" variety) and a responding nod from Morgan (of the "You are clearly the king of this castle" variety).”
    ― Chloe Neill, Friday Night Bites
    61 likes

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  • #21
    J.D. Robb
    “There's an oatmeal cookie in there. I see no reason for the existence of oatmeal, particularly in cookies.”
    ― J.D. Robb, Divided in Death
    tags: eve-dallas, in-death, oatmeal
    55 likes

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  • #22
    Elle Jasper
    “My Gullah grandfather is bringing a bag of dust to a vampire war. I feel better.”
    ― Elle Jasper, Afterlight
    tags: dust, humor, vampire, war
    23 likes

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  • #23
    Nora Roberts
    “You have to unhook your seat belt." "That's not true." "I'm afraid it's difficult to walk on the beach if you're strapped to a car seat.”
    ― Nora Roberts, Command Performance
    tags: beach, humor
    11 likes

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  • #24
    Julie James
    “She spoke under her breath to Nick. "Is there a reason he's only wearing one sock?" "He puked on his foot." "Oh." She turned back to Huxley. "Can we get you another sock? Maybe a blanket or something?”
    ― Julie James, A Lot like Love
    tags: humor-relationships, humorous
    16 likes

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  • #25
    Julie James
    “Boyfriend huh? I didn't realize we had taken things to that level."
    "Oh, I'm sorry--this is my first undercover operation," Jordan said. "I'm a little unclear about the rules. Are we seeing other people in this fake relationship?”
    ― Julie James, A Lot like Love
    tags: humor-relationships
    72 likes

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  • #26
    Julie James
    “It was time to break out the don't-fuck-with-me face.”
    ― Julie James, A Lot like Love
    tags: humor
    67 likes

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  • #27
    Norah Wilson
    “The look he shot her was incredulous in the extreme. "You have a filing system for your shoes?”
    ― Norah Wilson, Guarding Suzannah
    tags: humor, shoes
    9 likes

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  • #28
    Norah Wilson
    “Okay, but would you say between us we have the combined IQ of at least a garden slug?”
    ― Norah Wilson, Guarding Suzannah
    tags: funny-humor, humor, slugs
    2 likes

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  • #29
    Never trust anyone who has not brought a book with them.
    “Never trust anyone who has not brought a book with them.”
    ― Lemony Snicket, Horseradish: Bitter Truths You Can't Avoid
    tags: books, reading
    27727 likes

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  • #30
    Lao Tzu
    “The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.”
    ― Lao Tzu
    tags: travel
    5322 likes



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