Death's Mistress Quotes

“I'm tired, I'm hungry and I have a head in a bag," I warned him. "Do not fuck with me.”
― Karen Chance, Death's Mistress

“There are things we want, and things we may have.... Sanity lies in knowing the difference.”
― Karen Chance, Death's Mistress

“Yes, but knee pants are so much more flattering. You can see my legs."
You want people to see your legs?"
I have very nice legs!" We both paused to admire them for a moment.”
― Karen Chance, Death's Mistress

“We cannot do this now!" ....
"Sure we can."
He scowled.... "Go home, Dory."
"Give me what I want and I will!"
Radu appeared in the doorway. "I know this is a stupid question before I ask it, but is there any chance that we can discuss this like civilized people?"
Louis-Cesare.... stepped back a pace and dangled the duffel of one long finger. "Come and get it."
I stared. "Oh, no, you didn't."
"Oh, yeah. He did. You gonna take that?" Raymond piped up....
"You really want to do this?" I demanded.... The only answer I got was a flying tackle that caught me around the knees and sent me skidding on my back over hard wood.
I grinned. Well, all right then.
"That's what I thought." Radu sighed.”
― Karen Chance, Death's Mistress

“I quote Tolkien because he puts it better. But I can still open a can of whup ass all over you."

You're right," I told him. "He does put it better.”
― Karen Chance, Death's Mistress

“Who is this Marlowe guy anyway? He's an ass. Threw him out. Threatened to have Ysmi sit on him if he returned.

Why are there two severed heads rolling around the house? Cats tried to eat one. Mostly prevented.

Headless guy is in hallway broom closet with head that I think is his.”
― Karen Chance, Death's Mistress

“I moved to assist, but never got the chance. there was some pretty violent banging for a minute, and then a tearing sound. Finally the stall door flew open, and Ray's shirtless body emerged and started bitch-slapping everything in sight.
His aim was off, probably due to the difficulty of having his eyes on the other side of the room, but he made up for it with sheer determination.”
― Karen Chance, Death's Mistress

“What do you know about racing?" Ronnie asked, curious. He looked fascinated, like a scientist confronted by a strange new species: dontgivadamnus from the phylum couldntcareless.”
― Karen Chance, Death's Mistress

“ I was the dhampir daughter of the family patriarch, the little known stain on an otherwise immaculate record. Louis-Cesare, on the other hand, was vamp royalty. The only Child of Mircea’s younger, and far stranger, brother Radu, he was a first-level master--the highest and rarest vampire rank.
A month ago, the prince and the pariah had crossed paths because we had one thing in common: we were very good at killing things. And Mircea’s bug-eyed crazy brother Vlad had needed killing if anyone ever had. The collaboration hadn’t exactly been stress free, but to my surprise, we eventually sorted things out and got the job done. By the end, I’d even started to think that it was kind of nice, having someone to watch my back for a change.
Sometimes, I could be really stupid.”
― Karen Chance, Death's Mistress

“You will die a worse death if you do not leave my domain,” a voice thundered down from the third story of the old tenement. “I am a servant of the Sacred Fire, the wielder of the flame of Arnor—”
“So I should call you Gandalf?”
― Karen Chance, Death's Mistress

“My one-time roommate Claire had inherited the house from her uncle, and when she went off to bigger and better things, she’d left it in my care. And it needed a lot of it.
Most importantly, it needed a new roof. There was a worrying stain on the ceiling of my bedroom that had started out roughly the shape of Rhode Island, but now looked more like North Carolina. Another few more days of rain and it was going to be Texas. And then it wouldn’t be anything at all because the battered old shingles were going to cave in on my head. ”
― Karen Chance, Death's Mistress

“Louis-Cesare. It's good to finally have you in hand.”
― Karen Chance, Death's Mistress

“Louis-Cesare looked pained. Ray was even dirtier than I was, and his bright red briefs had gotten a tear across the butt at some point, flashing a glimpse of hairy cheek whenever he moved. An awesome trophy he was not.”
― Karen Chance, Death's Mistress

“I looked him over for a second and suddenly it clicked. "Still want me to be mean to you?"
His eyes widened. "Yeah?"
"Well, come on then."
A minute later I had an oversized T-shirt that worked as a dress, a belt to shove my weapons into and a too-large leather jacket to toss over it all. I slammed out into the hall, leaving the guy tied to the desk chair by his underwear. Judging by his expression, he'd just leaned a valuable lesson about screwing with strange women.”
― Karen Chance, Death's Mistress

“What bug crawled up your ass?" I demanded.
"If you mean, why I am upset? I should think that would be obvious!"
It took me a second, but I got it. "Oh, come on. You're not still pissed about–you did the same damn thing to me!"
He had the utter gall to look offended. "I did nothing of the sort–"
I stared at him. "And just how do you figure that? You stripped me butt naked, diddled me over a desk and stole my duffel bag. And my clothes!"
Somebody made a choking sound. I glanced up to find the door to the study open, and the old vamp looking scandalized. "Diddled?" Anthony asked, apparently delighted. Mircea closed his eyes.”
― Karen Chance, Death's Mistress

“He was like this when I got here?' That's you alibi?”
― Karen Chance, Death's Mistress

“It never ceases to amaze me how many people think I kill for fun.”
“Don’t you?”
“Well, not just for fun.”
― Karen Chance, Death's Mistress

“The only good thing was that by midnight, even most of the bums had gone home to sleep it off. That was lucky for them, because Ray was the worst damn driver I’d ever seen. And that was after I jerked his head out of the duffel and parked it on the dashboard.
“Gah! That makes it worse!” he told me, as I tried to get the eyes facing forward.
“How can it possibly be worse?”
“Because I got double vision now! Get it off! Get it off!”
He batted at his own head and succeeded in sending it tumbling into Christine’s lap. She immediately went into hysterics and slapped it away. The head fell out of the car; Ray hit the brakes and we came to a screeching halt.
“What are you doing?” I screeched, as he hopped out. “There are people firing at us!”
“Tough!” came from somewhere under the car.”
― Karen Chance, Death's Mistress

“Want a ride?" ...
One look at the car, & I decided that walking didn't sound so bad, after all.
...
"Half the people around here shouldn't even be driving."

She said this will no irony whatsoever, despite the fact that her car's black cloth top kept rising and lowering like some kind of strange bird trying to achieve flight. The driver, a young ginger haired guy, took a stab at making it stop, & turned the wipers on instead.
"I'm good," I assured her.
...
Ronnie panicked & veered sharply to the right, missing the race car but clipping a VW Bug that had stalled out in the middle of the air. It's hood was jacked up, and its owner's butt was hanging over the side. Or, at least, it was until the impact caused the Bug to go spinning in one direction & flung the owner in the other.
...."uh-oh" .... Ronnie glanced at me. "Get in if you're getting!"

I'd have refused, considering his grasp on the fundamentals of the road -- or in this case, the air. But traffic was piling up around the accident, pushing more people out of the safe zone. And I was beginning to doubt that most of them even knew how to drive on land.”
― Karen Chance, Death's Mistress

“I spun to see my own reflection starting back at me from a shiny chrome fender. My eyes were started, which was understandable considering that the fender was hovering 6 feet off the ground.
...
"Get off the road!"
"I'm not on the road." I pointed up. "It's that way."
... but even so it was clear that this joker was well below the designated traffic lane.

I pointed that out, but all I got for my trouble was another loud blast from the horn.

So of course I flipped him off.

He said something rude, threw the truck into reverse, then shot past close enough to force me to duck. He swerved around another vehicle, rolled sideways to fit between a couple of buses & vanished into the glare.”
― Karen Chance, Death's Mistress