Darian Carter-Pace > Darian's Quotes

“YES. BECAUSE THAT'S HOW I ROLL. LIKE A SUAVE THING. In fact, from here on, please forward my mail to 1 Suave Hill, Suave Boulevard, Suavieland, Planet of She's-So-Smooth-I-Can't-Believe-She's-Not-Butter.”
― Michele Jaffe, Kitty Kitty

“Little Life Lesson 51: When selecting a member of a group to put on the Endangered Species List, it’s probably best not to pick the least popular person, because there is always a chance everyone will shrug and be like, "Um, okay. Hey, anyone want pizza?" and leave.”
― Michele Jaffe, Bad Kitty

“talking to yourself again, jas?
yes, it beats talking to you.
oh, time machine back to first grade much?
only to visit your brain.”
― Michele Jaffe, Bad Kitty

“that was the plan?
part of it, you don't wan tot know the rest. i believe the word 'these dog colllars would make excellent restraints' were involved.
it was a brilliant idea. and we only got really cute well-made collars. this is my favorite. we had the tag engraved to say BUBBA.”
― Michele Jaffe, Bad Kitty

“Who runs a combination cat shelter and hostel?" Keith asked. "With the cat shelter being the primary function? Only people who want to kill you with an axe and then put you in the garden and build a shed on you, that's who.”
― Maureen Johnson, The Last Little Blue Envelope

“We're going to die," Keith said, the moment he was gone. "This man is a serial killer. We're going to die, and he's going to bury us in his garden and build a shed on us.”
― Maureen Johnson, The Last Little Blue Envelope

“Top Trumps appeared to be a game in which you got cards, and the cards had a picture (in this case, of a horse), and told you all kinds of stats for that horse, how fast it was, how big it was, etc. Whoever had the better horse won both the cards. You repeated this until someone had all the cards. So, basically it was exactly like high school, except it only took three minutes. Which was really a bit more humane, if you thought about it.”
― Maureen Johnson, The Last Little Blue Envelope

“because talent alone doesn't make an artist”
― Maureen Johnson, 13 Little Blue Envelopes

“I have no phobias. Phobias are irrational. My fears are rational and CAREFULLY CULTIVATED, like roses.”
― Maureen Johnson

“Go see old virgins! Now ask a strange boy out, you shy, Retarded thing!”
― Maureen Johnson, 13 Little Blue Envelopes

“Keep calm and carry on.
Also, stay in and hide because the Ripper is coming.”
― Maureen Johnson, The Name of the Star

“I decided to deflect her attitude by giving a long, Southern answer. I come from people who know how to draw things out. Annoy a Southerner, and we will drain away the moments of your life with our slow, detailed replies until you are nothing but a husk of your former self and that much closer to death.”
― Maureen Johnson, The Name of the Star

“The English play hockey in any weather. Thunder, lightening, plague of locusts...nothing can stop the hockey. Do not fight the hockey, for the hockey will win.”
― Maureen Johnson

“And if we get caught, I will claim I made you go. At gunpoint. I am American. People will assume I'm armed.”
― Maureen Johnson, The Name of the Star

“It was like the entire world was colluding to make me feel insane, and it was doing a really good job.”
― Maureen Johnson, The Name of the Star

“I don't know how you persist in being so stubborn-"
"It's a superpower. I was bitten by a radioactive mule.”
― Shannon Hale, The Actor and the Housewife

“that arctic blast you're feeling? it's the chill coming off my cold shoulder”
― Michele Jaffe, Bad Kitty

“i never thought of it before, but with your height and build, you are going to look SO CUTE in your straitjacket.”
― Michele Jaffe, Bad Kitty

“For some reason my father saw no problem with us pplaying "barbie and ken go to hawaii to save their marriage by picking up another couple for sexy good times," but if barbie and ken had gone to hawaii to "rescue another couple from a crazed kidnapper," that would have been wrong.”
― Michele Jaffe, Bad Kitty

“So let me see-you've got a boyfriend, a not boyfriend, and a secret admirer.

" He shook his head at me. "Girl, no wonder someone tried to run you down.”
― Michele Jaffe, Rosebush

“Which left me with the cheery knowledge that my father would wan tto spend time with me even if i were a cold, stiff corpse. not every daughter can say that, i bet!”
― Michele Jaffe, Bad Kitty

“Claim whatever you want. Say you only want a happy family or a successful career or a big house. I say: no, that's not what you want. You'll settle for those things, but you really want a monkey that does your evil bidding. Pullman is a genius just for this.”
― Maureen Johnson, World of the Golden Compass: The Otherworldly Ride Continues [Paperback]

“She was standing in the airport of Copenhagen, staring at a doorway, trying to figure out if it was (a) a bathroom and (b) what kind of bathroom it was. The door merely said H.
Was she an H? Was H "hers"? It could just as easily be "his". Or "Helicopter Room: Not a Bathroom at All”
― Maureen Johnson, 13 Little Blue Envelopes

“Salt. Wound. Together at last.”
― Maureen Johnson, 13 Little Blue Envelopes

“Every time you try to flirt with her, a puppy dies.”
― Maureen Johnson, Suite Scarlett

“I may have been a complete lunatic, but I was a complete lunatic with manners.”
― Maureen Johnson, Let It Snow: Three Holiday Romances

“I am a mass of contradictions.”
― Maureen Johnson, 13 Little Blue Envelopes

“There is nothing about a bad situation that fourteen hyper cheerleaders can't worsen.”
― Maureen Johnson, Let It Snow: Three Holiday Romances

“Walk really, really carefully. It's not complicated, but if you mess up, you'll die, so pay attention.”
― Maureen Johnson, The Name of the Star

“I followed your footsteps," he said, in answer to the unspoken question. "Snow makes it easy."
I had been tracked, like a bear.
"Sorry to make you go to all that trouble," I said.
"I didn't have to go that far, really. You're about three streets over. You just kept going in loops."
A really inept bear.”
― Maureen Johnson, Let It Snow: Three Holiday Romances