Lighttornado > Lighttornado's Quotes

“Insanity is doing the same thing, over and over again, but expecting different results.”
― Narcotics Anonymous

“Creativity is knowing how to hide your sources”
― C.E.M. Joad

“A lady's imagination is very rapid; it jumps from admiration to love, from love to matrimony in a moment.”
― Jane Austen, Pride and Prejudice

“But who prays for Satan? Who, in eighteen centuries, has had the common humanity to pray for the one sinner that needed it most?”
― Mark Twain

“I don't know the question, but sex is definitely the answer.”
― Woody Allen

“The trouble with being in the rat race is that even if you win, you're still a rat.”
― Lily Tomlin

“In our civilization, and under our republican form of government, intelligence is so highly honored that it is rewarded by exemption from the cares of office.”
― Ambrose Bierce

“It often happens that we blurt out things that may in some kind of way be harmful to us, but we are silent about things that may make us look ridiculous; because in this case effect follows very quickly on cause.”
― Arthur Schopenhauer

“I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.”
― Groucho Marx

“The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four people is suffering from a mental illness. Look at your 3 best friends. If they're ok, then it's you.”
― Rita Mae Brown

“I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didn’t know.”
― Mark Twain

“Humor is reason gone mad.”
― Groucho Marx

“The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made.”
― Groucho Marx

“Tell the truth, or someone will tell it for you.”
― Stephanie Klein, Straight Up and Dirty

“Writing is easy. You only need to stare at a blank piece of paper until drops of blood form on your forehead.”
― Gene Fowler

“Definition of rock journalism: People who can't write, doing interviews with people who can't think, in order to prepare articles for people who can't read.”
― Frank Zappa, The Real Frank Zappa Book

“I may not be smart enough to do everything, but I am dumb enough to try anything.”
― Geoff Johns, Teen Titans, Vol. 3: Beast Boys and Girls

“Anyone who thinks sitting in church can make you a Christian must also think that sitting in a garage can make you a car.”
― Garrison Keillor

“The reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one whose answers I accept.”
― George Carlin

“Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.”
― Steven Wright

“Cats are intended to teach us that not everything in nature has a purpose.”
― Garrison Keillor

“Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain.”
― Lily Tomlin

“It is a damn poor mind that can think of only one way to spell a word.”
― Andrew Jackson

“When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick.”
― George Burns

“Whenever I feel the need to exercise, I lie down until it goes away.”
― Paul Terry

“Substitute 'damn' every time you're inclined to write 'very;' your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be.”
― Mark Twain

“Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe.”
― Albert Einstein

“People, generally, suck.”
― Christopher Moore, The Stupidest Angel: A Heartwarming Tale of Christmas Terror

“Time is a drug. Too much of it kills you.”
― Terry Pratchett, Small Gods

“One of the greatest myths in the world - & the phrase 'greatest myths' is just a fancy way of saying 'big fat lies' -- is that troublesome things get less & less troublesome if you do them more & more. People say this myth when they are teaching children to ride bicycles, for instance, as though falling off a bicycle & skinning your knee is less troublesome the fourteenth time you do it than it is the first time. The truth is that troublesome things tend to remain troublesome no matter how many times you do them, & that you should avoid doing them unless they are absolutely urgent.”
― Lemony Snicket, The Ersatz Elevator