Quotes - Phil (philhappy) (Dublin, 07, Ireland) Showing 1-20 of 20

#1

“Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.”
― Anthony G. Oettinger

tags: humor, misattributed-to-groucho-marx, time

6194 likes

#2

“If you're not having fun, you're doing something wrong.”
― Groucho Marx

1078 likes

#3

“Life is a whim of several billion cells to be you for a while”
― Groucho Marx

tags: humor

467 likes

#4

“It is better to remain silent at the risk of being thought a fool, than to talk and remove all doubt of it.”
― Maurice Switzer, Mrs. Goose, Her Book

tags: misattributed-to-abraham-lincoln, misattributed-to-mark-twain, remaining-silent, wisdom

44325 likes

#5

“I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying.”
― Oscar Wilde, The Happy Prince and Other Stories

tags: intelligence, self-deprecation

71710 likes

#6

“Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to reform (or pause and reflect).”
― Mark Twain

tags: individuality, majority, minority, pause, reflect, wisdom

43903 likes

#7

“A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.”
― Steve Martin

tags: humor, obvious, simile

35264 likes

#8

“I saw the movie, 'Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon' and was surprised because I didn't see any tigers or dragons. And then I realized why: they're crouching and hidden.”
― Steve Martin

475 likes

#9

“belief is the death of intelligence.”
― Robert Anton Wilson, Cosmic Trigger: Die letzten Geheimnisse der Illuminaten oder An den Grenzen des erweiterten Bewusstseins

tags: atheism, belief, faith, intelligence, metaphysics, philosophy, religion

987 likes

#10

“Money can't buy you happiness but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.”
― Spike Milligan

tags: absurd

146 likes

#11

“Why isn’t the word “phonetically” spelled with an “f”?”
― Steven Wright

142 likes

#12

“If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?”
― Steven Wright

207 likes

#13

“The story so far:
In the beginning the Universe was created.
This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move.”
― Douglas Adams, The Restaurant at the End of the Universe

tags: humor, scifi

23457 likes

#14

“I think God, in creating man, somewhat overestimated his ability.”
― Oscar Wilde

tags: creation, god, humor, man

6377 likes

#15

“The very existence of flamethrowers proves that sometime, somewhere, someone said to themselves, 'You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I’m just not close enough to get the job done.”
― George Carlin

865 likes

#16

“Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Deal with it.”
― George Carlin

tags: common-sense, equality, feminism, humanism, humor, inspirational, men-and-women

2149 likes

#17

“If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea…does that mean that 1 enjoys it?”
― George Carlin

311 likes

#18

“Ever wonder about those people who spend $2 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backward. ”
― George Carlin, George Carlin Reads to You: An Audio Collection Including Recent Grammy Winners Braindroppings and Napalm & Silly Putty

513 likes

#19

“It was my uncle who taught me about the birds and the bees. He sat me down one day and said, 'Remember this, George, the birds fuck the bees.' Then he told me he once banged a girl so hard her freckles came off.”
― George Carlin, Brain Droppings

tags: bees, birds, fucking, sex

166 likes

#20

“Its not easy being a man you know. I had to get dressed today… and there are other pressures.”
― Dylan Moran

tags: humour

43 likes

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