Sam > Sam's Quotes

“Basically, I have two speeds.... Hostile or smart-aleck. Your choice.”
― James Patterson, Saving the World and Other Extreme Sports

“Man, you weigh a freaking ton," he told me. "What've you been eating, rocks?"
"Why, is your head missing some?" I croaked. His mouth almost quirked in a smile, and that's when I knew how upset he'd been”
― James Patterson, The Angel Experiment

“Can I come in?
No! I'm in a towel!
I'm blind!”
― James Patterson

“You...are...a...fridge...with wings,' Fang ground out, punching an Eraser hard with every word. 'We're...freaking...ballet...dancers.”
― James Patterson, School's Out—Forever

“What I said yesterday didn't mean anything! I love everyone in the flock! Plus, it was the Valium talking!"
"Uh-huh. You just keep telling yourself that. You looove me."
Max: (tries to punch him)
"Pick a tree. I'll go carve our initials in it."
Max: (screams and runs into bathroom)”
― James Patterson, Saving the World and Other Extreme Sports

“He could totally be your boyfriend," [Angel] went on with annoying persistance. "You guys could get married. I could be like a junior bridesmaid. Total could be your flower dog."
"I'm only a kid!" I shrieked. "I can't get married!"
"You could in New Hampshire."
My mouth dropped open. How does she know this stuff? "Forget it! No one's getting married!" I hissed. "Not in New Hampshire or anywhere else! Not in a box, not with a fox! Now go to sleep, before I kill you!”
― James Patterson, Max

“We’ll be back!” he snarled.
It was really Ari’s voice.
Boy, you just can’t kill people like you used to,” said Fang”
― James Patterson, School's Out—Forever

“How did you become blind, uh, Jeff is it?"
Yeah, Jeff. Well, I looked directly at the sun, you know, the way they always tell you not to. If only I had listened.”
― James Patterson, School's Out—Forever

“Holy [Insert your choice of a swear word here]," said Fang stunned.”
― James Patterson, The Angel Experiment

“He's gonna be fine," I confirmed.
Can we see him?" Iggy asked.
Ig, I hate to break it to you, but you're blind.”
― James Patterson, School's Out—Forever

“Now, Max, I think we both know your parents aren't missionaries."
I opened my eyes wide. "No? Well, for God's sake, don't tell them. They'd be crushed. Thinking they're doing the
Lord's work and all.”
― James Patterson, School's Out—Forever

“Fang: “Let them blow up the world, and global-warm it, and pollute it. You and me and the others will be holed up somewhere, safe. We’ll come back out when they’re all gone, done playing their games of world domination."
Max: “That’s a great plan. Of course, by then we won’t be able to go outside because we’ll get fried by the lack of the ozone layer. We’ll be living at the bottom of the food chain because everything with flavor will be full of mercury or radiation or something! And there won’t be any TV or cable because all the people will be dead! So our only entertainment will be Gazzy singing the constipation song! And there won’t be amusement parks and museums and zoos and libraries and cute shoes! We’ll be like cavemen, trying to weave clothes out of plant fibers. We’ll have nothing! Nothing! All because you and the kids want to kick back in a La-Z-Boy during the most important time in history!”
Fang: “So maybe we should sign you up for a weaving class. Get a jump start on all those plant fibers.”
Max: "I HATE YOU!!!"
Fang: "NO YOU DOOOOOON'T!!"
Voice: "You two are crazy about each other.”
― James Patterson, Saving the World and Other Extreme Sports

“You don't speak much, do you?" ter Borcht said, circling him slowly.
Fittingly, Fang said nothing.
Vhy do you let a girl be de leader?" ter Borcht asked, a calculating look in his eye.
She's the tough one," Fang said.
Dang right, I thought proudly.
Is dere anysing special about you?" asked ter Borcht. "Anysing vorth saving?"
Fang pretended to think, gazing up at the ceiling. "Besides my fashion sense? I play a mean harmonica.”
― James Patterson, Saving the World and Other Extreme Sports

“Dr. Martinez: "I take it you don't want me to call your parent?"
Max: "Uh, no." Hello, lab? May I speak to the test tube please?”
― James Patterson, The Angel Experiment

“Max: "Okay guys, I had a couple thoughts I wanted to go over with you."
Iggy: (pretends to snore loudy)
Max: (throws another pinecone at him)
Iggy: "Quit throwing things at me!"
Max: "Glad you could join us.”
― James Patterson, The Final Warning

“Huh - Why is Max in the kitchen?"
Dr.Martinez: "We're cooking."
Gazzy: "She's just keeping you company, right?"
Dr.Martinez: "No, she's cooking."
Nudge: "Cooking...food?"
Max: "Yes, I'm cooking food, and it's great, and you're going to eat it, you twerps!”
― James Patterson, Max

“Feeding a crowd?' the woman behind the counter asked.
Yes, ma'am ,' Fang said sweetly.
Yeah, him and all his split personalities, I thought.”
― James Patterson, The Angel Experiment

“Nudge: You aren't dead.
Iggy (irritably): No. You aren't dead either. How about just 'hello'?”
― James Patterson, The Angel Experiment

“Gazzy: (Hugging himself and jumping up and down) "I'm brilliant! I'm a genius! I can blow up the world!"
Max: (Raises her eyebrows)
Gazzy: "Not that I would want to, of course," (coughs)”
― James Patterson, Max

“Fnick -Iggy”
― James Patterson, School's Out—Forever

“The other Max looked at me, and her eyes narrowed. 'They say imitation is the sincerest form of flattery,' she said snidely. 'So I guess you're really sucking up.'
'Who are you?' I gasped, my eyes wide. 'You're an impostor!'
'No she isn't.' The little creepy one, Angel, turned to look at me. Her arm was still bleeding where Ari had bitten it. 'You are.'
I swallowed my anger. Who did she think she was, her and her stupid dog? I gave a concerned smile. 'But Angel,' I said, sincerity dripping from my voice, 'how can you say that? You know who I am.'
'I think I'm Angel,' she said. 'And my dog isn't stupid. You're the stupid one, to think that you could fool us. I can read minds, you idiot.”
― James Patterson, School's Out—Forever

“Hello, Max," he said quietly, searching my face. "How do you feel?"

Which was a ten on the "imbecilic question" scale of one to ten.

Why, I feel fine, Jeb," I said brightly. "How about you?"

Any nausea? Headache?"

Yep. And it's standing here talking to me.”
― James Patterson

“So Fnick, can I change channel?" Iggy asked. "There's a game on."
"Make yourself at home, Figgy." Fang said.”
― James Patterson, School's Out—Forever

“I always wished for this, but it's almost turning into more of a nightmare than a dream.”
― Eminem

“You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.”
― Dr. Seuss