Carly > Carly's Quotes

“Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe.”
― Albert Einstein

“I love deadlines. I love the whooshing noise they make as they go by.”
― Douglas Adams, The Salmon of Doubt: Hitchhiking the Galaxy One Last Time

“A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.”
― Steve Martin

“I love mankind ... it's people I can't stand!!”
― Charles M. Schulz

“Reality continues to ruin my life.”
― Bill Watterson, The Complete Calvin and Hobbes

“Give a man a fire and he's warm for a day, but set fire to him and he's warm for the rest of his life.”
― Terry Pratchett, Jingo

“The difference between genius and stupidity is: genius has its limits.”
― Alexandre Dumas-fils

“Two wrongs don't make a right, but they make a good excuse.”
― Thomas Szasz

“You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America's Cup, France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance, Germany doesn't want to go to war, and the three most powerful men in America are named "Bush", "Dick", and "Colin." Need I say more?”
― Chris Rock

“As far as I'm concerned, if something is so complicated that you can't explain it in 10 seconds, then it's probably not worth knowing anyway.”
― Bill Watterson, The Indispensable Calvin and Hobbes

“Ms. Wormwood: Calvin, can you tell us what Lewis and Clark did?
Calvin: No, but I can recite the secret superhero origin of each member of Captain Napalm's Thermonuclear League of Liberty.
Ms. Wormwood: See me after class, Calvin.
Calvin: [retrospectively] I'm not dumb. I just have a command of thoroughly useless information.”
― Bill Watterson

“I think hiccup cures were really invented for the amusement of the patient's friends.”
― Bill Watterson, The Complete Calvin and Hobbes

“I think life should be more like TV. I think all of life's problems ought to be solved in 30 minutes with simple homilies, don't you? I think weight and oral hygiene ought to be our biggest concerns. I think we should all have powerful, high-paying jobs, and everyone should drive fancy sports cars. All our desires should be instantly gratified. Women should always wear tight clothing, and men should carry powerful handguns. Life overall should be more glamorous, thrill-packed, and filled with applause, don't you think?... Then again, if real life was like that, what would we watch on television?”
― Bill Watterson, The Indispensable Calvin and Hobbes

“I won't eat any cereal that doesn't turn the milk purple.”
― Bill Watterson, The Authoritative Calvin and Hobbes: A Calvin and Hobbes Treasury

“The world isn't fair, Calvin."
"I know Dad, but why isn't it ever unfair in my favor?”
― Bill Watterson, The Essential Calvin and Hobbes: A Calvin and Hobbes Treasury

“Leave it to a girl to take all the fun out of sex discrimination.”
― Bill Watterson, The Essential Calvin and Hobbes: A Calvin and Hobbes Treasury

“How come we play war and not peace?"
"Too few role models.”
― Bill Watterson

“I'm not dumb. I just have a command of thoroughly useless information.”
― Bill Watterson

“Weekends don't count unless you spend them doing something completely pointless.”
― Bill Watterson

“I say, if your knees aren’t green by the end of the day, you ought to seriously re-examine your life.”
― Bill Watterson

“Life's disappointments are harder to take when you don't know any swear words.”
― Bill Watterson

“Yes. I owed my life, Angel's life, and my mother's life to a mutant's ability to create industrial-strength snot.”
― James Patterson, Max

“You are okay?" he asked. "Not eaten by monsters?"
"Not even a little bit." I showed him that I still had both arms and both legs, and Tyson clapped happily.
"Yay!" he said. "Now we can eat peanut butter sandwiches and ride fish ponies! We can fight monsters and see Annabeth and make things go BOOM!"
I hoped he didn't mean all at the same time, but I told him absolutely, we'd have a lot of fun this summer.”
― Rick Riordan, The Battle of the Labyrinth

“Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.”
― Groucho Marx, The Essential Groucho: Writings For By And About Groucho Marx

“Some humans would do anything to see if it was possible to do it. If you put a large switch in some cave somewhere, with a sign on it saying 'End-of-the-World Switch. PLEASE DO NOT TOUCH', the paint wouldn't even have time to dry.”
― Terry Pratchett, Thief of Time

“I detest life-insurance agents: they always argue that I shall some day die, which is not so.”
― Stephen Leacock

“There's a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line.”
― Oscar Levant

“We're not going to break anything. Don't think of it as breaking in to SeaWorld. Think of it as visiting SeaWorld in the middle of the night for free.”
― John Green

“When I grow up I am going to be the gangster we are all looking for.”
― Le Thi Diem Thuy, The Gangster We Are All Looking For

“Saying 'I notice you're a nerd' is like saying, 'Hey, I notice that you'd rather be intelligent than be stupid, that you'd rather be thoughtful than be vapid, that you believe that there are things that matter more than the arrest record of Lindsay Lohan. Why is that?' In fact, it seems to me that most contemporary insults are pretty lame. Even 'lame' is kind of lame. Saying 'You're lame' is like saying 'You walk with a limp.' Yeah, whatever, so does 50 Cent, and he's done all right for himself.”
― John Green