Chelsea > Chelsea's Quotes

“Something about being called a good door made my human legs feel weak and shaky.”
― Vera Valentine, Unhinged

“Even though I was, architecturally-speaking, obligated to support her, I still felt like I was actively providing her comfort. The thought of that warmed me down to my threshold.”
― Vera Valentine, Unhinged

“If we're judging who needs a bath based on how badly we want to lick each other, then I'm afraid neither of us gets to bathe.”
― Kate Stevens, Bride of Brutal Hearts

“Could life as a vampire fuck toy really be that terrible if I spent the rest of my hours reading?”
― Kate Stevens, Bride of Brutal Hearts

“In a world if violence, what a beautiful thing it is to love someone you barely know”
― Shiloh Briar, Hopeless Necromantic

“Was that your first?" Evie interrupted...
The boss's head knocked back in surprise. "My first what, you little tornado?"
"Your first joke.”
― Hannah Nicole Maehrer, Assistant to the Villain

“I thought you’d said you’d take a raccoon to the face for me. And I’m not even putting her in your face. It’s chest-level raccooning.”
― Brynne Weaver, Love & Other Killers

“my adorably murdery wife will suck the eyeball from your face with an industrial-size vacuum in your sleep if you won’t stick to the deal.”
― Brynne Weaver, Love & Other Killers

“Ta-da, motherfucker!”
― Brynne Weaver, Love & Other Killers

“I didn’t ruin food this time! For once. But I might have ruined chickens. You’re welcome!”
― Brynne Weaver, Love & Other Killers

“And we will. The Sticker Bitch Crew is in it to win it.”
― Brynne Weaver, Love & Other Killers

“The worst things in the world are always other people,”
― Brynne Weaver, Love & Other Killers

“Go back to your moonshine, dumpster goblin.”
― Brynne Weaver, Love & Other Killers

“He thinks I’m his prey. But he doesn’t realize that he’s the insect about to be trapped in my web. Because I’m a killer too.”
― Brynne Weaver, Love & Other Killers

“Everybody’s gotta have a hobby, even if it is hunting the most wretched pieces of shit on the planet in a blood sport competition, and I intend to maintain my run as champion of the Annual August Showdown.”
― Brynne Weaver, Love & Other Killers

“I'm not afraid of death; I just don't want to be there when it happens.”
― Woody Allen

“Love never dies a natural death. It dies because we don't know how to replenish its source. It dies of blindness and errors and betrayals. It dies of illness and wounds; it dies of weariness, of witherings, of tarnishings.”
― Anais Nin

“Death ends a life, not a relationship.”
― Mitch Albom, Tuesdays with Morrie: An Old Man, a Young Man, and Life's Greatest Lesson

“It is a curious thing, the death of a loved one. We all know that our time in this world is limited, and that eventually all of us will end up underneath some sheet, never to wake up. And yet it is always a surprise when it happens to someone we know. It is like walking up the stairs to your bedroom in the dark, and thinking there is one more stair than there is. Your foot falls down, through the air, and there is a sickly moment of dark surprise as you try and readjust the way you thought of things.”
― Lemony Snicket, Horseradish: Bitter Truths You Can't Avoid

“A thing is not necessarily true because a man dies for it.”
― Oscar Wilde

“I didn’t need another cat. At this point in my brilliant career as an itinerant educator I could barely afford to feed myself. But then, no one ever needs a cat these days. That’s not why we have cats. We have cats because they amuse us and because otherwise our clothes would lack the texture only cat hair can provide.”
― John Scalzi, Starter Villain

“Don’t swim with the dolphins during a labor dispute. No matter how much they try to convince you otherwise”
― John Scalzi, Starter Villain

“I can’t tell if you’re joking with me,” I said. “I’m mostly joking with you.” “That ‘mostly’ is doing a lot of work in that sentence.”
― John Scalzi, Starter Villain

“...I'm here on an island in the Caribbean, being told I need to talk to the dolphins in the middle of a labor action about some whales that might have torpedoes, armed by a secret society of villains who want access to a storeroom full of objects probably looted from the victims of the friggin' Nazis and who are maybe willing to blow up -my volcano lair- to get it.”
― John Scalzi, Starter Villain

“So we’re like Spotify, but for evil.” “We’re much less evil than Spotify. We actually pay a living wage to the people whose work we’re selling.”
― John Scalzi, Starter Villain

“How dead do you think Gratas wants me?” I asked her. “You mean on a scale of one to ten, where one is ‘live and let live’ and ten is ‘murder you slow, bury your corpse in the woods, then dig you up to shit on your skull’? Maybe an eight.” “Okay, good.”
― John Scalzi, Starter Villain

“And don’t believe anything that comes out of his mouth, including ‘and’ and ‘the.”
― John Scalzi, Starter Villain

“All the flowers were gorgeous, in fact. The ones with “See you in Hell” emblazoned on the sash were white roses, Asiatic lilies, football mums, carnations and blue delphinium, or so Chesterfield told me when I came up to it to get a better look. Another standing spray featured hot pink roses and carnations, orange lilies, yellow sunflowers, lavender stock and green Athos poms, as well as the sentiment of “Not soon enough.” I have to say I was especially taken with the basket arrangement of lavender daisy poms, mums, white roses, snapdragons and Monte Cassino, with the words “Suck it, motherfucker” lovingly engraved onto the base of its gorgeously ornate vase. There were others, but these were a representative sample.”
― John Scalzi, Starter Villain

“We have cats because they amuse us and because otherwise our clothes would lack the texture only cat hair can provide.”
― John Scalzi, Starter Villain

“Most of the people I know are ex-journalists like me. They’re either working as bartenders or substitute teachers.” “Which do you do?” “The latter for now. I was hoping to upgrade to the former.”
― John Scalzi, Starter Villain