John > John's Quotes

“Making love to me is amazing. Wait, I meant: making love, to me, is amazing. The absence of two little commas nearly transformed me into a sex god.
”
― Dark Jar Tin Zoo, Love Quotes for the Ages. Specifically Ages 19-91.

“I want to upholster the inside lining of my nostrils with leather, to have that "new car smell" all the time.”
― Jarod Kintz, I Want

“A monster’s not a monster to another monster. At least that’s what I thought when I saw my mother-in-law talking to a statue of Stalin.”
― Jarod Kintz, If you bring the booze and food, I'll bring the thirst and hunger

“I work in a hotel. I know what you’re probably thinking, and no, I am not a hooker. Not unless you’re not a cop.”
― Jarod Kintz, If you bring the booze and food, I'll bring the thirst and hunger

“Icy: You ladies want to hear something funny? The quiz in last month's Teen Witch said "What would you do if you got to take over the whole universe?
Darcy: What did you put?
Icy: I wrote "You'll find out soon enough, loser," and sent it in.”
― Icy, Darcy, the Winx Club

“I think the key indicator for wealth is not good grades, work ethic, or IQ. I believe it's relationships. Ask yourself two questions: How many people do I know, and how much ransom money could I get for each one?”
― Jarod Kintz

“You can’t put a price tag on love. But if you could, I’d wait for it to go on sale.”
― Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not for Sale

“Writers fish for the right words like fishermen fish for, um, whatever those aquatic creatures with fins and gills are called. 
”
― Jarod Kintz, This is the best book I've ever written, and it still sucks

“You know what I like most about people? Pets.
”
― Jarod Kintz, Who Moved My Choose?: An Amazing Way to Deal With Change by Deciding to Let Indecision Into Your Life

“My advice for a person who's just fallen out of a skyscraper window is, Flap your arms...faster.”
― Jarod Kintz, It Occurred to Me

“I only sing in the shower. I would join a choir, but I don’t think my bathtub can hold that many people.
”
― Jarod Kintz, Who Moved My Choose?: An Amazing Way to Deal With Change by Deciding to Let Indecision Into Your Life

“I told her I'd wait forever for her, but that was before I found somebody else who'd give me a ride home.”
― Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not for Sale

“A cliche is a cliche because it works”
― Feige Gornish