Quotes - Arandomperson (Midlothian, IL) Showing 1-21 of 21

#1

“I love deadlines. I love the whooshing noise they make as they go by.”
― Douglas Adams, The Salmon of Doubt: Hitchhiking the Galaxy One Last Time

tags: deadlines, humor, humour, work, writing

32157 likes

#2

“Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and it may be necessary from time to time to give a stupid or misinformed beholder a black eye.”
― Jim Henson

26438 likes

#3

“The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it.”
― Terry Pratchett, Diggers

tags: humor, open-mind, thinking

21439 likes

#4

“I do not want people to be very agreeable, as it saves me the trouble of liking them a great deal.”
― Jane Austen, Jane Austen's Letters

tags: friends, humor, people

8996 likes

#5

“Give a man a fire and he's warm for a day, but set fire to him and he's warm for the rest of his life.”
― Terry Pratchett, Jingo

tags: humor, proverb

12944 likes

#6

“Reality continues to ruin my life.”
― Bill Watterson, The Complete Calvin and Hobbes

tags: calvin-and-hobbes, humor, life

21205 likes

#7

“The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four people is suffering from a mental illness. Look at your 3 best friends. If they're ok, then it's you.”
― Rita Mae Brown

tags: humor, insanity

12676 likes

#8

“I'd hate to have a kid like me.”
― Bill Watterson, The Authoritative Calvin and Hobbes: A Calvin and Hobbes Treasury

tags: humor-children

332 likes

#9

“He's like a drug for you, Bella.”
― Stephenie Meyer, Eclipse

19589 likes

#10

“If at first you don't succeed, remove all evidence you ever tried. ”
― David Brent

tags: humor, success

29 likes

#11

“Get your facts first, and then you can distort them as much as you please.”
― Mark Twain

tags: humor-facts

1807 likes

#12

“Pietrisycamollaviadelrechiotemexity.”
― Lemony Snicket

334 likes

#13

“Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain.”
― Lily Tomlin

tags: apothegm, complain, humor

464 likes

#14

“This is my knife. It is very sharp and very eager to hurt you.”
― Lemony Snicket, The Reptile Room

tags: humor

1163 likes

#15

“The problem with defending the purity of the English language is that English is about as pure as a cribhouse whore. We don't just borrow words; on occasion, English has pursued other languages down alleyways to beat them unconscious and rifle their pockets for new vocabulary.”
― James D. Nicoll

tags: english, grammar, humor, misattributed-terry-pratchett, vocabulary

187 likes

#16

“Thinking is hard work, which is why you don't see many people doing it.”
― Sue Grafton

tags: humor, independent-thought, thought

420 likes

#17

“Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.”
― Yogi Berra, When You Come to a Fork in the Road, Take It!: Inspiration and Wisdom from One of Baseball's Greatest Heroes

tags: funny

3001 likes

#18

“When life gives you lemons, squirt someone in the eye.”
― Cathy Guiswite

tags: eyes, funny, lemons

5196 likes

#19

“My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She's ninety-seven now, and we don't know where the heck she is.”
― Ellen DeGeneres

tags: age, exercise, family, grandmothers, grandparents, humor, walking

2436 likes

#20

“Never put off till tomorrow what may be done day after tomorrow just as well.”
― Mark Twain

34480 likes

#21

“Jeremy: "Who did it? Wait-you think I did. Don't you?"
Ash: "It did cross our minds at one point. Actually, it seemed to keep crossing them. Back and forth. Maybe we should put in a crosswalk.”
― L.J. Smith, Daughters of Darkness

266 likes

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