K.M. Golland > K.M.'s Quotes

“Nora— Forgive me for copyediting, but it must be said—you have raped the semicolon yet again. Stop it. It wasn’t asking for it no matter how it was dressed. If you don’t know how to use punctuation then do away with it altogether, write like Faulkner and we’ll pretend it’s on purpose.”

Bite me, Easton, Nora said to herself as she corrected her sexually compromised semicolon in chapter eighteen. Seriously, bite me.”
― Tiffany Reisz, The Siren

“When beetles fight these battles in a bottle with their paddles
and the bottle's on a poodle and the poodle's eating noodles...
...they call this a muddle puddle tweetle poodle beetle noodle
bottle paddle battle.”
― Dr. Seuss, Fox in Socks

“True love is not the result of a wish, Alexis. It is found by those who have open eyes. Unfortunately, so many people are blind and—because of that—will never experience it.”
― K.M. Golland, Fulfillment

“I find it difficult to relate to people who enjoy discussing the utterly uninteresting and unchangeable facts of life.”
― Zack Love, Sex in the Title: A Comedy about Dating, Sex, and Romance in NYC

“Life is a waste of time, and time is a waste of life. Get wasted all the time, and you'll have the time of your life!”
― Billy Connolly

“No! Try not. Do, or do not. There is no try.”
― George Lucas, The Star Wars Trilogy

“You're on a road show with your penis, and trust me, I'm the last person who wants to get in your way. But I'm telling you, operation occupy-my-vagina is a no-go for the evening.”
― Addison Moore, Someone to Love

“Sometimes it’s wise not to dwell on the incomprehensible, for if you do, you waste those precious moments of actually accepting it for what it is.”
― K.M. Golland, Satisfaction

“I understand what you're saying, and your comments are valuable, but I'm gonna ignore your advice.”
― Roald Dahl, Fantastic Mr. Fox

“...being in love can change almost anything: from your expectations and limitations to your very life plans. It's a completely unpredictable force. And how it operates within any particular relationship is a total mystery to anyone outside of that...”
― Zack Love, Sex in the Title: A Comedy about Dating, Sex, and Romance in NYC

“I don't know half of you half as well as I should like; and I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve.”
― J.R.R. Tolkien, The Fellowship of the Ring

“Damn you, Jesse Ward, of an age I don't know!”
― Jodi Ellen Malpas, Beneath This Man

“Please tell me he’s single, Alexis, because I have a fucking ferocious fire in between my legs that he needs to put out.”
― K.M. Golland, Fulfillment

“Be still, sad heart! and cease repining;
Behind the clouds is the sun still shining;
Thy fate is the common fate of all,
Into each life some rain must fall”
― Henry Wadsworth Longfellow, Ballads and Other Poems

“Without music, life would be a mistake.”
― Friedrich Nietzsche, Twilight of the Idols

“Watch your fucking mouth!”
― Jodi Ellen Malpas, This Man

“Thankfully, sleep means you do not have to communicate with the conscious world and those who are in it.”
― K.M. Golland, Satisfaction

“To douchebags!" he said, gesturing to Brad. "And to girls that break your heart," he bowed his head to me. His eyes lost focus. "And to the absolute fucking horror of losing your best friend because you were stupid enough to fall in love with her.”
― Jamie McGuire, Beautiful Disaster

“if you love two people at the same time, choose the second. Because if you really loved the first one, you wouldn't have fallen for the second.”
― Johnny Depp

“The moment my lips touch yours, it will be your first kiss. Because if you've never felt anything when someone's kissed you, then no one's ever really kissed you. Not the way I plan on kissing you.”
― Colleen Hoover, Hopeless

“I quickly tried to do the math but my brain was a jumbled mess and I couldn’t remember what number comes after potato!”
― Tara Sivec, Seduction and Snacks

“You done with work?
Yep, at home waiting for you.
Now that's a nice visual...
Prepare yourself, I'm taking bread out of the oven.
Don't tease me woman...zucchini?
Cranberry orange. Mmmm...
No woman has ever done breakfast bread foreplay the way you do.
Ha! When you coming?
Can't. Drive. Straight.
Can we have one conversation when you're not twelve?
Sorry, I'll be there in 30
Perfect, that will give me time to frost my buns.
Pardon me?
Oh, didn't I tell you? I also made cinnamon rolls.
Be there in 25.”
― Alice Clayton, Wallbanger

“I want to reach in my pants, pull out my virginity, wrap it up and put a bow on it. Or maybe stick it in a gift bag from Target and give it to him like a present with a nice card that says, "Thank you for being you! Just a little virginity to show you may gratitude!”
― Tara Sivec

“It is better to taste than to admire, I assure you.”
― K.M. Golland, Temptation

“His biceps were simply mouth-watering, and those legs! I could imagine having those wrapped around me in a hot steamy bath. Alexis, I think you just drooled on yourself.”
― K.M. Golland, Temptation

“Maybe we should have this conversation in an alternate universe where Alternate Indy gives a shit what Alternate Lee wants her to wear.”
― Kristen Ashley, Rock Chick

“Wa, did I just say fate? I so don't believe in that. Fate is bullshit people force-feed themselves when they're too lazy to carve out a destiny of their own.”
― Addison Moore, Someone to Love

“Oh fuck, he was right there. I was wet as hell and he could probably smell me now. I should have eaten strawberries or melon or a dozen roses or an entire mint plant. Did that work for women? I read an article that it worked for men. Their spunk tasted like what they ate. Did my vagina taste like spaghetti right now? God dammit! I shouldn't have eaten dinner!”
― Tara Sivec, Seduction and Snacks

“A dishonest man you can always trust to be dishonest.”
― Johnny Depp

“Jealousy is a self-inflicted curse. Be happy for others and live curse free.”
― K.M. Golland