Morgan > Morgan's Quotes

“Every sleuth ought to have a tame half-wit, to make him feel clever.”
― Anonymous

“How can I tell," said the man, "that the past isn't a fiction designed to account for the discrepancy between my immediate physical sensations and my state of mind?”
― Douglas Adams, The Restaurant at the End of the Universe

“It is a mistake to think you can solve any major problems just with potatoes.”
― Douglas Adams, Life, the Universe and Everything

“There was a point to this story, but it has temporarily escaped the chronicler's mind.”
― Douglas Adams, So Long, and Thanks for All the Fish

“Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe.”
― Albert Einstein

“I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying.”
― Oscar Wilde, The Happy Prince and Other Stories

“I love mankind ... it's people I can't stand!!”
― Charles M. Schulz

“Piglet sidled up to Pooh from behind.
"Pooh!" he whispered.
"Yes, Piglet?"
"Nothing," said Piglet, taking Pooh's paw. "I just wanted to be sure of you.”
― A.A. Milne, The House at Pooh Corner

“If you had managed to persuade my mother not to procreate, I would not exist to send you the plans for constructing your own time machine in which to travel back in time to persuade my mother not to procreate. Apparently, this is known as a pair of ducks.”
― David Thorne, The Internet is a Playground: Irreverent Correspondences of an Evil Online Genius

“should check the Internet and make sure everything on there is correct.”
― David Thorne, The Internet is a Playground: Irreverent Correspondences of an Evil Online Genius

“And he paddled away in his douche canoe.”
― Joe Hill, NOS4A2

“The first two sentences are hard to understand, but make some kind of sense. The last sentence is merely rearranged but makes no natural sense at all. (This is all assuming it makes some sort of sense for an old lady to be swallowing cats in the first place, which is patently absurd, but it turns out she swallowed a goat too, not to mention a horse, so we’ll let the cat pass without additional comment.)”
― Tom Stafford, Mind Hacks: Tips & Tricks for Using Your Brain

“It was a house halfway between this and that, between upper-middle-class luxuries and absentminded squalor. My father had been too distracted, while he was alive,”
― Justin Evans, A Good and Happy Child

“once, if you told people you were self-published, they'd look at you like you were a smelly old jobless hobo just come off a dusty boxcar with soupcan shoes and a hat made from a coyote skull.”
― Chuck Wendig, 500 Ways to Write Harder

“The inventor of roller skates first demonstrated them by hurtling into a party while playing the violin and crashing into a huge mirror.”
― John Lloyd, 1,411 QI Facts To Knock You Sideways

“A temherte slaq is an Ethiopian punctuation mark used to denote sarcasm.”
― John Lloyd, 1,339 Quite Interesting Facts to Make Your Jaw Drop

“If dogs are like Zelig, then the form they take depends on the people they live with. If they live with calm, consistent humans, they will pick up on those qualities.”
― Gregory Berns, How Dogs Love Us: A Neuroscientist and His Adopted Dog Decode the Canine Brain

“One guy was wearing a loincloth and a hat made of a wolf’s skull, which he insisted was his dress ensemble. Later, Martin worked up the nerve to ask him a few questions. It turned out his name was Richard, and he was from Portland, Oregon, in the year 2003. “Yeah, that’s where you’re from originally,” Martin said. “But where do you live?” Richard said, “Portland, in the year two thousand and three. I own a food truck.”
― Scott Meyer, Spell or High Water

“If I use it, and you know what it means, it a word.”
― Scott Meyer, Spell or High Water

“The only bright point was when we stopped off at that fish market they got here before we went to the airport.” “Oh,” Jimmy said brightly, “the one where they throw those great big fish around?” “Yeah, that’s the one,” Agent Miller said, wearily. “How was it?” Jimmy asked. “It was a fish market. You’ve been to a fish market, haven’t you, Jimmy? It was exactly like that, only crowded, and with guys yelling and throwing around a big dead fish. Does that sound like fun, Jimmy? How they ever convinced people that that’s a tourist attraction is beyond me. It’s all a big sham. I’m pretty sure they kept throwing the same fish around no matter what anyone ordered.”
― Scott Meyer, Spell or High Water

“Don't blame me if it rains.”
― A.A. Milne

“Oh, Eeyore, you are wet!” said Piglet, feeling him.
Eeyore shook himself, and asked somebody to explain to Piglet what happened when you had been inside a river for quite a long time.”
― A. A. Milne

“We can’t all and some of us don’t. That’s all there is to it.”
― A.A. Milne

“Martland has only two personalities – Wilde and Eeyore.”
― Kyril Bonfiglioli, Don't Point that Thing at Me

“I gave up trying to find friends at college and befriended dead people between the margins.”
― Eddie Huang, Fresh Off the Boat

“Why do you want to become an author? I will accept only one answer. If it is because you feel you can write better than you can do anything else then go ahead and do it without frills and flourishes. Stick to your present job and write in your spare time: but do it as if it is a whole time job.”
― Ngaio Marsh, Death on the Air and Other Stories

“His nose was needle-like, drawing attention like a screaming baby at a funeral. A baby with a massive nose.”
― Howard of Warwick, The Heretics of De'Ath

“I'm as simple as I am clever--a lovable trait in my character.”
― Anonymous

“Having the Church interested in your business was like a Viking asking after your wife and daughters. Someone was going to end up shafted.”
― Howard of Warwick, The Heretics of De'Ath

“It would be tedious to attempt a phonetic reproduction of Mr. Sage's utterances. Enough to say that they were genteel to a fantastic degree. "Aye thot Aye heeard somewon teeking may neem in veen," may give some idea of his rendering of the above sentence. Let it go at that.”
― Anonymous