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#1

“Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe.”
― Albert Einstein

tags: attributed-no-source, human-nature, humor, infinity, philosophy, science, stupidity, universe

148426 likes

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#2

“I've heard lots of people lie to themselves but they never fool anyone.”
― Steve Martin

222 likes

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#3

“... you're nuts but you're welcome here.”
― Steve Martin

352 likes

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#4

“I gave my cat a bath the other day...they love it. He sat there, he enjoyed it, it was fun for me. The fur would stick to my tongue, but other than that...”
― Steve Martin

192 likes

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#5

“I like a woman with a head on her shoulders. I hate necks.”
― Steve Martin

tags: humor

1473 likes

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#6

“I believe entertainment can aspire to be art, and can become art, but if you set out to make art you're an idiot.”
― steve martin

400 likes

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#7

“I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying.”
― Oscar Wilde, The Happy Prince and Other Stories

tags: intelligence, self-deprecation

71688 likes

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#8

“You didn't kill him. He would have killed you, but you didn't kill him."
"So? He was stupid. If I killed everyone who was stupid, I wouldn't have time to sleep.”
― Tamora Pierce, In the Hand of the Goddess

tags: alanna, amusing, philosophy, tamora-pierce

1569 likes

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#9

“Some people have a way with words, and other people...oh, uh, not have way.”
― Steve Martin

tags: humor, words

2962 likes

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#10

“If you're going to kick authority in the teeth, you might as well use two feet.”
― Keith Richards, Keith Richards: In His Own Words

tags: drugs, music, philosophy, politics

1608 likes

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#11

“Give a man a fish, and you'll feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish, and he'll buy a funny hat. Talk to a hungry man about fish, and you're a consultant.”
― Scott Adams

tags: advice, fish, food, humor, wisdom

304 likes

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#12

“Anything is good if it's made of chocolate.”
― Jo Brand

tags: chocolate, food

361 likes

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#13

“The thought of two thousand people crunching celery at the same time horrified me.”
― George Bernard Shaw

tags: food, vegetarianism

182 likes

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#14

“There is one thing more exasperating than a wife who can cook and won't, and that's a wife who can't cook and will.”
― Robert Frost

tags: food, marriage

509 likes

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#15

“The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for thirty years she served the family nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found.”
― Calvin Trillin

tags: cooking, food, humor, leftovers, mothers

409 likes

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#16

“You're thinking I'm one of those wise-ass California vegetarians who is going to tell you that eating a few strips of bacon is bad for your health. I'm not. I say its a free country and you should be able to kill yourself at any rate you choose, as long as your cold dead body is not blocking my driveway.”
― Scott Adams

tags: food, humor, vegetarian, vegetarianism

345 likes

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#17

“The only time to eat diet food is while you're waiting for the steak to cook.”
― Julia Child

tags: dieting, diets, eating, food, joy-of-life, steak

848 likes

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#18

“Do you know what breakfast cereal is made of? It's made of all those little curly wooden shavings you find in pencil sharpeners!”
― Roald Dahl

tags: food, humor

736 likes

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#19

“All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn't hurt.”
― Charles M. Schulz

tags: chocolate, food, humor

26802 likes

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#20

“Ask not what you can do for your country. Ask what’s for lunch.”
― Orson Welles

3064 likes

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#21

“Prediction is very difficult, especially about the future.”
― Niels Bohr

tags: absurd, humour, truth, wisdom

629 likes

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#22

“Gym should be illegal. It's humiliating.”
― Laurie Halse Anderson, Speak

tags: childhood, gym, humiliation, humor, p-e, physical-education

545 likes

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#23

“I don't see myself as weird, I just see myself as honest.”
― Tori Amos

135 likes

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#24

“Without music, life would be a mistake.”
― Friedrich Nietzsche, Twilight of the Idols

tags: inspirational, music, philosophy

74337 likes

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#25

“Hello, I'm Leonard Nimoy. The following tale of alien encounters is true. By true I mean false. It's all lies. But they're entertaining lies and in the end, isn't that the truth?

The answer is no.”
― Leonard Nimoy

tags: absurd

53 likes

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#26

“I can't fight.
I was once run over by a car with a flat tire, being pushed by two guys.”
― Woody Allen

tags: absurd

77 likes

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#27

“As my exciting story began I was being punched in the stomach.”
― John Swartzwelder

tags: absurd

23 likes

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#28

“I like nonsense, it wakes up the brain cells. Fantasy is a necessary ingredient in living.”
― Dr. Seuss

tags: fantasy

36835 likes

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#29

“Why does a woman work ten years to change a man, then complain he's not the man she married?”
― Barbra Streisand

tags: husbands, marriage, men, men-and-women, wives, women

1126 likes

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#30

“The dead are way more organized than the living.”
― China Miéville, Un Lun Dun

tags: dead, death, humor

84 likes

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attributed-no-source
human-nature
humor
infinity
philosophy
science
stupidity
universe
intelligence
self-deprecation
alanna
amusing
tamora-pierce
words
drugs
music
politics
advice
fish
food
wisdom
chocolate
vegetarianism
marriage
cooking
leftovers
mothers
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dieting
diets
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joy-of-life
steak
absurd
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childhood
gym
humiliation
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inspirational
fantasy
husbands
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men-and-women
wives
women
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