Beth > Beth's Quotes

“Sometimes when I'm talking, my words can't keep up with my thoughts. I wonder why we think faster than we speak. Probably so we can think twice.”
― Bill Watterson

“The planet is fine. The people are fucked.”
― George Carlin

“That's why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it.”
― George Carlin

“Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.”
― George Carlin

“Some people see things that are and ask, Why?
Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not?
Some people have to go to work and don't have time for all that.”
― George Carlin

“I don't have pet peeves - I have major psychotic fucking hatreds.”
― George Carlin

“I like it when a flower or a little tuft of grass grows through a crack in the concrete. It's so fuckin' heroic.”
― George Carlin

“May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.”
― George Carlin

“Some people see the glass half full. Others see it half empty.
I see a glass that's twice as big as it needs to be.”
― George Carlin

“When you're born into this world, you're given a ticket to the freak show. If you're born in America you get a front row seat.”
― George Carlin

“Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.”
― George Carlin

“I'm single because I was born that way.”
― Mae West

“I'll try anything once, twice if I like it, three times to make sure.”
― Mae West

“The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends. I mean, life is tough. It takes up a lot of your time. What do you get at the end of it? A Death! What’s that, a bonus? I think the life cycle is all backwards. You should die first, get it out of the way. Then you live in an old age home. You get kicked out when you’re too young, you get a gold watch, you go to work. You work forty years until you’re young enough to enjoy your retirement. You do drugs, alcohol, you party, you get ready for high school. You go to grade school, you become a kid, you play, you have no responsibilities, you become a little baby, you go back into the womb, you spend your last nine months floating …and you finish off as an orgasm.”
― George Carlin

“Don't cry for a man who's left you--the next one may fall for your smile.”
― Mae West

“I've never fooled anyone. I've let people fool themselves. They didn't bother to find out who and what I was. Instead they would invent a character for me. I wouldn't argue with them. They were obviously loving somebody I wasn't.”
― Marilyn Monroe

“People tend to complicate their own lives, as if living weren't already complicated enough.”
― Carlos Ruiz Zafón, The Shadow of the Wind

“One day you will kiss a man you can't breathe without, and find that breath is of little consequence.”
― Karen Marie Moning, Bloodfever

“I am good, but not an angel. I do sin, but I am not the devil. I am just a small girl in a big world trying to find someone to love.”
― Marilyn Monroe

“Without a word or hesitation, Pain took the mop from Nick. Suffering moved to pick up glass.
"Wow. Where have you two been all my life?"
Pain quirked and eyebrow as he mopped the floor.
"Walking hand in hand with you. Haven't you noticed?”
― Sherrilyn Kenyon, Invincible

“I'm killing time while I wait for life to shower me with meaning and happiness.”
― Bill Watterson

“Reality continues to ruin my life.”
― Bill Watterson, The Complete Calvin and Hobbes

“You know, Hobbes, some days even my lucky rocket ship underpants don't help.”
― Bill Watterson

“Holding on to the past means you can never be open to having a future”
― Laurann Dohner, Obsidian

“A room without books is like a body without a soul.”
― Marcus Tullius Cicero