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  • #1
    Charlaine Harris
    “Eric moved the broom experimentally and made an attempt to sweep the glass into the pan while it lay in the middle of the floor. Of course, the pan slid away. Eric scowled.
    I'd finally found something Eric did poorly.”
    ― Charlaine Harris, Dead as a Doornail
    tags: cleaning, humor, vampires
    262 likes

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  • #2
    Marcus Tullius Cicero
    “A room without books is like a body without a soul.”
    ― Marcus Tullius Cicero
    tags: attributed-no-source, books, simile, soul
    135544 likes

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  • #3
    Frank Zappa
    “So many books, so little time.”
    ― Frank Zappa
    tags: books, humor
    151508 likes

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  • #4
    Maurice Switzer
    “It is better to remain silent at the risk of being thought a fool, than to talk and remove all doubt of it.”
    ― Maurice Switzer, Mrs. Goose, Her Book
    tags: misattributed-to-abraham-lincoln, misattributed-to-mark-twain, remaining-silent, wisdom
    44325 likes

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  • #5
    Mahatma Gandhi
    “Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever.”
    ― Mahatma Gandhi
    tags: carpe-diem, education, inspirational, learning
    77758 likes

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  • #6
    Groucho Marx
    “Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.”
    ― Groucho Marx, The Essential Groucho: Writings For By And About Groucho Marx
    tags: animals, books, dogs, friends, humor
    37987 likes

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  • #7
    Mark Twain
    “The man who does not read has no advantage over the man who cannot read.”
    ― Mark Twain
    tags: aliteracy, attributed-no-source, literacy
    41002 likes

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  • #8
    William Shakespeare
    “The fool doth think he is wise, but the wise man knows himself to be a fool.”
    ― William Shakespeare, As You Like It
    tags: wisdom
    45304 likes

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  • #9
    Stephenie Meyer
    “He's like a drug for you, Bella.”
    ― Stephenie Meyer, Eclipse
    19594 likes

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  • #10
    Friendship ... is born at the moment when one man says to another What! You
    “Friendship ... is born at the moment when one man says to another "What! You too? I thought that no one but myself . . .”
    ― C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves
    tags: friendship
    88102 likes

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  • #11
    Douglas Adams
    “I love deadlines. I love the whooshing noise they make as they go by.”
    ― Douglas Adams, The Salmon of Doubt: Hitchhiking the Galaxy One Last Time
    tags: deadlines, humor, humour, work, writing
    32150 likes

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  • #12
    Jim Henson
    “Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and it may be necessary from time to time to give a stupid or misinformed beholder a black eye.”
    ― Jim Henson
    26437 likes

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  • #13
    “Whenever I feel the need to exercise, I lie down until it goes away.”
    ― Paul Terry
    tags: exercise, humor, laziness, misattributed-to-hutchins
    24389 likes

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  • #14
    Robert A. Heinlein
    “Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.”
    ― Robert A. Heinlein
    tags: cats, humor, women
    28795 likes

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  • #15
    Garrison Keillor
    “Anyone who thinks sitting in church can make you a Christian must also think that sitting in a garage can make you a car.”
    ― Garrison Keillor
    tags: humor, religion
    30253 likes

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  • #16
    “My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She's ninety-seven now, and we don't know where the heck she is.”
    ― Ellen DeGeneres
    tags: age, exercise, family, grandmothers, grandparents, humor, walking
    2440 likes

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  • #17
    Dorothy Parker
    “Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone.”
    ― Dorothy Parker
    tags: beauty, classic-insult, humor, ugly
    3581 likes

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  • #18
    Jay McInerney
    “The capacity for friendship is God's way of apologizing for our families.”
    ― Jay McInerney, The Last of the Savages
    tags: family, friendship, humor
    3679 likes

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  • #19
    Oscar Wilde
    “I choose my friends for their good looks, my acquaintances for their good characters, and my enemies for their good intellects.”
    ― Oscar Wilde
    tags: beauty, enemies, friends, intellect, looks
    2071 likes

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  • #20
    Jon Stewart
    “I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land.”
    ― Jon Stewart
    tags: absurd, humor, thanksgiving
    629 likes

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  • #21
    Jon Stewart
    “You have to remember one thing about the will of the people: it wasn't that long ago that we were swept away by the Macarena.”
    ― Jon Stewart
    tags: democracy, government, humor, politics, public-opinion
    624 likes

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  • #22
    Bill Watterson
    “Who was the guy who first looked at a cow and said 'I think I’ll drink whatever comes out of these when I squeeze ’em?”
    ― Bill Watterson
    tags: humor
    937 likes

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  • #23
    “Who wants to go down the creepy tunnel inside the tomb first?
    — Riley Poole”
    ― Ann Lloyd, National Treasure: Book of Secrets
    tags: humor
    109 likes

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  • #24
    “They say that 'Guns don't kill people, people kill people.' Well I think the gun helps. If you just stood there and yelled BANG, I don't think you'd kill too many people.”
    ― Eddie Izzard
    tags: humor
    406 likes

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  • #25
    Carl Hiaasen
    “Garcia wondered why people with JESUS stickers on their bumper always drove twenty miles per hour under the speed limit. If God was my co-pilot, he thought, I'd be doing a hundred and twenty.”
    ― Carl Hiaasen, Strip Tease
    tags: god, humor
    298 likes

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  • #26
    “I ask people why they have deer heads on their walls. They always say because it's such a beautiful animal. There you go. I think my mother is attractive, but I have photographs of her.”
    ― Ellen DeGeneres
    tags: animal-protection, animals, deer, humor, hunting, killing, taxidermy
    1546 likes

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  • #27
    Chelsea Handler
    “There are two kinds of people I don't trust: people who don't drink and people who collect stickers.”
    ― Chelsea Handler, My Horizontal Life: A Collection of One-Night Stands
    tags: alcohol, drinking, drinks, humor
    860 likes

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  • #28
    “You're going to burn in a very special level of hell. A level they reserve for child molesters and people who talk at the theater.”
    ― Joss Whedon
    tags: humor, malediction
    756 likes

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  • #29
    Roald Dahl
    “I'm right and you're wrong, I'm big and you're small, and there's nothing you can do about it.”
    ― Roald Dahl, Matilda
    625 likes

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  • #30
    Chris Rock
    “You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America's Cup, France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance, Germany doesn't want to go to war, and the three most powerful men in America are named "Bush", "Dick", and "Colin." Need I say more?”
    ― Chris Rock
    9411 likes



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cleaning
humor
vampires
attributed-no-source
books
simile
soul
misattributed-to-abraham-lincoln
misattributed-to-mark-twain
remaining-silent
wisdom
carpe-diem
education
inspirational
learning
animals
dogs
friends
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work
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exercise
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