Robert > Robert's Quotes

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  • #1
    Albert Einstein
    “Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe.”
    ― Albert Einstein
    tags: attributed-no-source, human-nature, humor, infinity, philosophy, science, stupidity, universe
    148480 likes

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  • #2
    Mae West
    “You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.”
    ― Mae West
    tags: humor, life
    119120 likes

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  • #3
    Garrison Keillor
    “Anyone who thinks sitting in church can make you a Christian must also think that sitting in a garage can make you a car.”
    ― Garrison Keillor
    tags: humor, religion
    30253 likes

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  • #4
    Robert A. Heinlein
    “Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.”
    ― Robert A. Heinlein
    tags: cats, humor, women
    28796 likes

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  • #5
    Benjamin Franklin Wade
    “Go to heaven for the climate and hell for the company.”
    ― Benjamin Franklin Wade
    tags: humor, misattributed-mark-twain, philosophy, theology
    19850 likes

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  • #6
    “Insanity is doing the same thing, over and over again, but expecting different results.”
    ― Narcotics Anonymous
    tags: humor, insanity, life, misattributed-ben-franklin, misattributed-mark-twain, misattributed-to-einstein
    64667 likes

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  • #7
    Douglas Adams
    “The story so far:
    In the beginning the Universe was created.
    This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move.”
    ― Douglas Adams, The Restaurant at the End of the Universe
    tags: humor, scifi
    23459 likes

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  • #8
    John Green
    “Saying 'I notice you're a nerd' is like saying, 'Hey, I notice that you'd rather be intelligent than be stupid, that you'd rather be thoughtful than be vapid, that you believe that there are things that matter more than the arrest record of Lindsay Lohan. Why is that?' In fact, it seems to me that most contemporary insults are pretty lame. Even 'lame' is kind of lame. Saying 'You're lame' is like saying 'You walk with a limp.' Yeah, whatever, so does 50 Cent, and he's done all right for himself.”
    ― John Green
    tags: humor, nerdfighters
    21604 likes

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  • #9
    Markus Herz
    “Be careful about reading health books. Some fine day you'll die of a misprint.”
    ― Markus Herz
    tags: books, health, humor, misattributed-mark-twain, misprints
    13740 likes

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  • #10
    George Carlin
    “The reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one whose answers I accept.”
    ― George Carlin
    tags: humor, insanity, lies, lying, self-indulgence, truth
    19794 likes

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  • #11
    Bill Watterson
    “Reality continues to ruin my life.”
    ― Bill Watterson, The Complete Calvin and Hobbes
    tags: calvin-and-hobbes, humor, life
    21180 likes

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  • #12
    Mark Twain
    “Never put off till tomorrow what may be done day after tomorrow just as well.”
    ― Mark Twain
    34466 likes

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  • #13
    Charles Bukowski
    “Some people never go crazy. What truly horrible lives they must lead.”
    ― Charles Bukowski
    tags: humor
    22510 likes

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  • #14
    Billy Sunday
    “Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you an automobile.”
    ― Billy Sunday, "Billy" Sunday, the man and his message: with his own words which have won thousands for Christ
    tags: automobile, car, funny, humor, religious
    8921 likes

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  • #15
    George V. Higgins
    “This life’s hard, but it’s harder if you’re stupid.”
    ― George V. Higgins, The Friends of Eddie Coyle
    tags: humor, life, misattributed-john-wayne
    11396 likes

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  • #16
    C.E.M. Joad
    “Creativity is knowing how to hide your sources”
    ― C.E.M. Joad
    tags: creativity, humor, misattributed-to-einstein, paraphrased
    13074 likes

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  • #17
    Rita Mae Brown
    “The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four people is suffering from a mental illness. Look at your 3 best friends. If they're ok, then it's you.”
    ― Rita Mae Brown
    tags: humor, insanity
    12679 likes

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  • #18
    Mark Twain
    “Reader, suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself.”
    ― Mark Twain
    tags: humor, politics
    9105 likes

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  • #19
    Lewis Carroll
    “It’s no use going back to yesterday, because I was a different person then.”
    ― Lewis Carroll
    tags: alice, humor, inspirational, philosophy-of-life, psychological, yesterday
    17423 likes

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  • #20
    Douglas Adams
    “I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that I don't know the answer”
    ― Douglas Adams
    tags: attributed-no-source, humor, misattributed-douglas-adams, wit
    11372 likes

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  • #21
    Thomas Szasz
    “Two wrongs don't make a right, but they make a good excuse.”
    ― Thomas Szasz
    tags: humor, inspirational
    9768 likes

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  • #22
    Albert Einstein
    “When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That's relativity.”
    ― Albert Einstein
    tags: humor
    9933 likes

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  • #23
    Jane Austen
    “I do not want people to be very agreeable, as it saves me the trouble of liking them a great deal.”
    ― Jane Austen, Jane Austen's Letters
    tags: friends, humor, people
    8991 likes

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  • #24
    Oscar Levant
    “There's a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line.”
    ― Oscar Levant
    tags: genius, humor, insanity
    9904 likes

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  • #25
    E.B. White
    “If the world were merely seductive, that would be easy. If it were merely challenging, that would be no problem. But I arise in the morning torn between a desire to improve the world and a desire to enjoy the world. This makes it hard to plan the day.”
    ― E.B. White
    tags: activism, humor, life, pleasure
    9207 likes

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  • #26
    Mae West
    “I generally avoid temptation unless I can't resist it.”
    ― Mae West
    tags: humor, temptation
    7025 likes

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  • #27
    Isaac Asimov
    “Never let your sense of morals prevent you from doing what is right.”
    ― Isaac Asimov, Foundation
    tags: humor, inspirational, philosophy, wisdom
    7745 likes

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  • #28
    Jerome K. Jerome
    “I like work: it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.”
    ― Jerome K. Jerome
    tags: humor, work
    8143 likes

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  • #29
    W.C. Fields
    “If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.”
    ― W.C. Fields
    7410 likes

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  • #30
    Stephanie Klein
    “Tell the truth, or someone will tell it for you.”
    ― Stephanie Klein, Straight Up and Dirty
    5106 likes



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