Alex > Alex's Quotes

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  • #1
    “Whenever I feel the need to exercise, I lie down until it goes away.”
    Paul Terry

  • #2
    Jim Henson
    “Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and it may be necessary from time to time to give a stupid or misinformed beholder a black eye.”
    Jim Henson

  • #3
    Markus Herz
    “Be careful about reading health books. Some fine day you'll die of a misprint.”
    Markus Herz

  • #4
    Terry Pratchett
    “Give a man a fire and he's warm for a day, but set fire to him and he's warm for the rest of his life.”
    Terry Pratchett, Jingo

  • #5
    Groucho Marx
    “I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.”
    Groucho Marx

  • #6
    Douglas Adams
    “The Guide says there is an art to flying", said Ford, "or rather a knack. The knack lies in learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss.”
    Douglas Adams, Life, the Universe and Everything

  • #7
    Woody Allen
    “I'm not afraid of death; I just don't want to be there when it happens.”
    Woody Allen

  • #8
    Garrison Keillor
    “Anyone who thinks sitting in church can make you a Christian must also think that sitting in a garage can make you a car.”
    Garrison Keillor

  • #9
    Douglas Adams
    “There is a theory which states that if ever anyone discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable.

    There is another theory which states that this has already happened.”
    Douglas Adams, The Restaurant at the End of the Universe

  • #10
    Terry Pratchett
    “Some humans would do anything to see if it was possible to do it. If you put a large switch in some cave somewhere, with a sign on it saying 'End-of-the-World Switch. PLEASE DO NOT TOUCH', the paint wouldn't even have time to dry.”
    Terry Pratchett, Thief of Time

  • #11
    Rita Mae Brown
    “The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four people is suffering from a mental illness. Look at your 3 best friends. If they're ok, then it's you.”
    Rita Mae Brown

  • #12
    Thomas Szasz
    “Two wrongs don't make a right, but they make a good excuse.”
    Thomas Szasz

  • #13
    Geoff Johns
    “I may not be smart enough to do everything, but I am dumb enough to try anything.”
    Geoff Johns, Teen Titans, Vol. 3: Beast Boys and Girls

  • #14
    Janet Evanovich
    “Is that a bulletproof vest? See, now that's so insulting. That's like saying I'm not smart enough to shoot you in the head."
    Eddie DeChooch”
    Janet Evanovich, Seven Up

  • #15
    Scott Adams
    “If there are no stupid questions, then what kind of questions do stupid people ask? Do they get smart just in time to ask questions?”
    Scott Adams

  • #16
    Albert Einstein
    “Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe.”
    Albert Einstein

  • #17
    “Insanity is doing the same thing, over and over again, but expecting different results.”
    Narcotics Anonymous

  • #18
    Mark Twain
    “I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didn’t know.”
    Mark Twain

  • #19
    Mark Twain
    “Substitute 'damn' every time you're inclined to write 'very;' your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be.”
    Mark Twain

  • #20
    Mark Twain
    “Reader, suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself.”
    Mark Twain

  • #21
    C.E.M. Joad
    “Creativity is knowing how to hide your sources”
    C.E.M. Joad

  • #22
    Henry Ward Beecher
    “Where is human nature so weak as in the bookstore?”
    Henry Ward Beecherr

  • #23
    Bill Watterson
    “Reality continues to ruin my life.”
    Bill Watterson, The Complete Calvin and Hobbes

  • #24
    Mae West
    “I generally avoid temptation unless I can't resist it.”
    Mae West

  • #25
    Mark Twain
    “But who prays for Satan? Who, in eighteen centuries, has had the common humanity to pray for the one sinner that needed it most?”
    Mark Twain

  • #26
    Friedrich Nietzsche
    “It is hard enough to remember my opinions, without also remembering my reasons for them!”
    Friedrich Nietzsche

  • #27
    Albert Einstein
    “When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That's relativity.”
    Albert Einstein

  • #28
    Groucho Marx
    “From the moment I picked up your book until I put it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.”
    Groucho Marx

  • #29
    Oscar Wilde
    “I think God, in creating man, somewhat overestimated his ability.”
    Oscar Wilde

  • #30
    George Bernard Shaw
    “Animals are my friends...and I don't eat my friends.”
    George Bernard Shaw



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