Ian McClellan > Ian's Quotes

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#1

“Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to reform (or pause and reflect).”
― Mark Twain

tags: individuality, majority, minority, pause, reflect, wisdom

43915 likes

#2

“Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.”
― Groucho Marx, The Essential Groucho: Writings For By And About Groucho Marx

tags: animals, books, dogs, friends, humor

37989 likes

#3

“I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.”
― Groucho Marx

tags: books, humor, reading, television

23103 likes

#4

“I sent the club a wire stating, PLEASE ACCEPT MY RESIGNATION. I DON'T WANT TO BELONG TO ANY CLUB THAT WILL ACCEPT ME AS A MEMBER.”
― Groucho Marx, Groucho and Me

tags: clique, clubs, humor, membership

1872 likes

#5

“They say 74% of everything you're learning in college is a bunch of bullshit you'll never need
83.4% of everything you've got, you bought to satisfy you're greed
Because 91% of the world's population links their pssessions to success
Even though 88% of the wealthiest 1% of the population drinks to an alarming excess
More money more stress”
― Todd Snyder

4 likes

#6

“The opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference. The opposite of art is not ugliness, it's indifference. The opposite of faith is not heresy, it's indifference. And the opposite of life is not death, it's indifference.”
― Elie Wiesel

tags: activism, apathy, hate, indifference, inspirational, love, opposite, philosophy

42049 likes

#7

“Nobody's perfect. Well, there was this one guy, but we killed him....”
― Christopher Moore, Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff, Christ’s Childhood Pal

tags: christianity

1002 likes

#8

“Don't be ridiculous, Charlie, people love the parents who beat their kids in department stores. It's the ones who just let their kids wreak havoc that everybody hates.”
― Christopher Moore, A Dirty Job

tags: parents

485 likes

#9

“If you're not careful, the newspapers will have you hating the people who are being oppressed, and loving the people who are doing the oppressing.”
― Malcolm X

1128 likes

#10

“Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.

[misquote of a letter about wine, see quotes/831031]”
― Benjamin Franklin

tags: beer, drinking, misquote

893 likes

#11

“I turned on Fox News and jumped when I saw that they had one of those things in their studio. "Are you people crazy?" I screamed at the television. "Get out of there. Somebody shoot it!" Then I realized I was watching Special Report and had mistaken Charles Krauthammer for a zombie.”
― Ian McClellan, Zombie Apocalypse 2012: A Political Horror Story

tags: humor, media, political, politics, satire, zombies

7 likes

#12

“I continued toward Atlanta with a Merle Haggard C.D. playing on the stereo. They weren't great hosts, but those guys in The Ted Kaczynski Fan Club had great taste in music. It was all classic country music- none of that sissy, boy-band country that they played on the radio all the time. I drove down the road while Merle preferred to just stay where he was and drink.”
― Ian McClellan, Zombie Apocalypse 2012: A Political Horror Story

tags: country-music, humor, music, zombies

4 likes

#13

“Son, never trust a man who doesn’t drink because he’s probably a self-righteous sort, a man who thinks he knows right from wrong all the time. Some of them are good men, but in the name of goodness, they cause most of the suffering in the world. They’re the judges, the meddlers. And, son, never trust a man who drinks but refuses to get drunk. They’re usually afraid of something deep down inside, either that they’re a coward or a fool or mean and violent. You can’t trust a man who’s afraid of himself. But sometimes, son, you can trust a man who occasionally kneels before a toilet. The chances are that he is learning something about humility and his natural human foolishness, about how to survive himself. It’s damned hard for a man to take himself too seriously when he’s heaving his guts into a dirty toilet bowl.”
― James Crumley

tags: cowardice, drinking, humility, morality, philosophy, self-righteousness

296 likes

#14

“Sweet. You did it, Pat. I thank you. My libido thanks you and my manly bits that the ladies love, thank you as well.” Shawn grinned.”
― Ginny Atkinson

tags: birth-of-the-fire-child, lumenessa-saga

2 likes

#15

“Fascism should more appropriately be called Corporatism because it is a merger of state and corporate power”
― Benito Mussolini

tags: corporate, corporatism, fascism, mussolini, state

156 likes

#16

“In poor countries, officials receive explicit bribes; in D.C. they get the sophisticated, implicit, unspoken promise to work for large corporations”
― Nassim Nicholas Taleb, The Bed of Procrustes: Philosophical and Practical Aphorisms

tags: bribery, corporate-ethics, corporations, corporatism, corruption, government, government-corruption, inside-job, politics, washington-dc, washington-dc-politics

40 likes

#17

“If two parties with two sets of bad ideas cooperate, the result is not good policy, but policy that is extremely bad. What we really need are correct economic and politcal ideas, regardless of the party that pushes them.”
― Ron Paul, Liberty Defined: 50 Essential Issues That Affect Our Freedom

tags: politics

28 likes

#18

“I once fed a dog-fight operator to the dogs he had abused for so long, and do you want to know something? It felt so good. It was justice, girl. The fucking law never gave a shit about a victim, but justice is all heart.”
― Cedric Nye, Jango's Anthem

tags: abuse, apocalypse, dog-fights, justice, law, zombie-fighter-jango, zombies, zompoc

7 likes

#19

“When it's my time, and the reaper calls my name, there will be no stink of fear on me, and my only wish will be to die with grace, covered in the blood of my enemies.”
― Cedric Nye, Jango's Anthem

tags: arizona, blood, death, fear, grace, horror, zombie-apocalypse, zombie-fighter-jango, zombies, zompoc

13 likes

#20

“It ain’t how hard you are when you’re standing over top of someone that really matters. It’s how hard you are when someone’s standing over top of you that shows what you’re made of.”
― Cedric Nye, Jango's Anthem

tags: abuse, apocalypse, arizona, survive, zombie-apocalypse, zombie-fighter-jango, zombies

23 likes

#21

“It's more useful to have someone fear you than respect you.”
― J. Cornell Michel, Jordan's Brains: A Zombie Evolution

tags: apocalypse, apocalyptic, fear, fearful, important, respect, somebody, someone, use, useful, usefulness, zombie, zombie-apocalypse, zombies, zompoc

15 likes

#22

“The pretty ones are usually unhappy. They expect everyone to be enamored of their beauty. How can a person be content when their happiness lies in someone else's hands, ready to be crushed at any moment? Ordinary-looking people are far superior, because they are forced to actually work hard to achieve their goals, instead of expecting people to fall all over themselves to help them.”
― J. Cornell Michel, Jordan's Brains: A Zombie Evolution

tags: achieve, achievement, apocalypse, apocalyptic, beautiful, beauty, control, crush, crushed, depressed, depressing, depression, enamored, expect, expectations, goal, goals, happiness, happy, hard-work, help, helping, helping-others, ordinariness, ordinary, ordinary-looking, ordinary-looks, ordinary-people, pretty, pretty-girls, pretty-people, superior, superiority, unhappiness, unhappy, work-hard, zombie, zombie-apocalypse, zombies

148 likes

#23

“It's a circus out there, mama
and your baby's got the sideshow blues.”
― Todd Snider

5 likes

#24

“Life's a grave dig it.”
― K.R. Helms

tags: dark-humor

33 likes

#25

“The main thing you got to remember is that everything in the world is a hustle.”
― Alex Haley, The Autobiography of Malcolm X

1135 likes

#26

“Larry broke my morose train of thought with his laughter. "Welcome to America," he said, "where even our zombie epidemic has an obesity epidemic.”
― Ian McClellan, Zombie Apocalypse 2012: A Political Horror Story

tags: hot-girl-on-girl-action, obesity, zombie-obesity, zombies

1 likes

#27

“You’re drunk. They’d arrest you on the spot.”
“What? There’s no law against driving a car when you’re drunk.” He swayed back and forth while he spoke. “Besides, I’m not drunk.”
“Fine, you’re not drunk, but you’ve been drinking and there is a law that says you can’t drive when you’re drunk. It’s called driving while intoxicated or driving under the influence or something like that. I’ll drive.”
“Hmmm… Never heard of it. Okay- you drive.”
― Ian McClellan, One Undead Step

tags: 1960s, 1969, drunk-driving, fetish-porn, zombie-apocalypse, zombies

0 likes

#28

“Todd’s wife was one of those women with a forced smile perpetually cemented on her face. Even after being chased by a mob of homicidal maniacs and attempting to barricade doors with barstools she kept up appearances, practicing for the days when her husband would be running for public office. When she saw her son poking at their former mail carrier’s dead body a look of utter horror came across her face for the slightest instant. She caught herself and put that smile back on so quickly Will wondered if she might have pulled a few cheek muscles.
“Trevor!” she hissed through clenched teeth. “Trevor, you get away from that this instant! You don’t know what kind of diseases that man had. Children shouldn’t play with dead things.”
Will looked at Todd and smirked. “Cute kid. How many of those things do you think are out there?”
― Ian McClellan, One Undead Step

tags: barstools, horror, moon-landing, moon-landing-conspiracy-theories, undead, zombie-apocalypse, zombies

0 likes

#29

“Nicky turned and bolted. He’d only had about a thirty foot head start and a few were closing ground on him quickly. He cursed his hundred-dollar shoes and his vanity. The shoes looked great, but were definitely not made for running, nor was the suit he was wearing. He vowed that if he made it out of there alive, he’d only wear sneakers and track suits for the rest of his days. "Of course, I’ll probably be laughed out of the mob, but I don’t care at this point.”
― Ian McClellan, One Undead Step

tags: gangsters, mafia, mob, moon-landing, moon-landing-conspiracy-theories, sneakers, track-suits, zombie-apocalypse, zombies

1 likes

#30

“The final entity was the beast. The steel juggernaut that raked claws made of screams along the bones of their soul.All of the pain that Jango had endured as a child had never left his mind. That pain had created a sort of primordial ooze in his fractured mind that sloshed and bled until the beast was birthed from the suffering. The beast lived in a cage forged of willpower deep in the recesses of the mad matrix of his splintered mind. It rattled the cage and roared for release, but he was loath to ever set the beast loose…again.”
― Cedric Nye, Rage and Ruin

tags: abuse, beast, cedric-nye, multiple-personality-disorder, zombie-fighter-jango, zombies

2 likes

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