Serina > Serina's Quotes

“My professional aspirations were simple - I wanted to be an intergalactic princess.”
― Janet Evanovich

“Whaddaya mean 'old maids,' ha? The term is 'unclaimed treasure,' buddy, 'unclaimed treasure!”
― Laurie Notaro, Autobiography of a Fat Bride: True Tales of a Pretend Adulthood

“Men are like shoes. Some fit better than others. And sometimes you go out shopping and there's nothing you like. And then, as luck would have it, the next week you find two that are perfect, but you don't have the money to buy both."-”
― Janet Evanovich, Plum Lovin'

“Reading is to the mind what exercise is to the body.”
― Joseph Addison

“You couldn't relive your life, skipping the awful parts, without losing what made it worthwhile. You had to accept it as a whole--like the world, or the person you loved.”
― Stewart O'Nan, The Odds: A Love Story

“Bad dogs, she believed, were like most bad children: created by those around them. But then, that was a personal opinion. ”
― Heather Graham, Dust to Dust

“Are you telling me you think Ranger's a superhero?'
Think about it. We don't know where he lives. We don't know anything about him.'
Superheroes are make-believe.'
Oh yeah?' Lula said. 'What about God?”
― Janet Evanovich, Three to Get Deadly

“I wasn’t a fabulous cook. I didn’t have a boyfriend, much less a husband. And I wasn’t a big financial success. I could live with all those failings as long as I knew that once in a while I looked really hot.”
― Janet Evanovich, High Five

“Lula had Eminem cranked up. He was rapping about trailer park girls and how they go round the outside, and I was wondering what the heck that meant. I'm a white girl from Trenton. I don't know these things. I need a rap
cheat sheet.”
― Janet Evanovich, To the Nines

“You think I'm gonna feel better eatin' a carrot? Get a grip. There's two idiots out there trying to kill me, and you think I'm gonna waste my last breath on a vegetable? (Lula)”
― Janet Evanovich, Finger Lickin' Fifteen

“You're a marshmallow. Soft and sweet and when you get heated up you go all gooey and delicious."-”
― Janet Evanovich, One for the Money

“Almost everybody I know has died,” Grandma said. “Bunch of wimps.”
― Janet Evanovich, High Five

“Yeah. Almost as surprising as when you nailed me with your father's car."

In the interest of avoiding confrontation, I felt compelled to explain. I didn't feel obliged to do it convincingly. "It was an accident. My foot slipped."

"That was no accident. You jumped the goddamn curb and followed me down the sidewalk.”
― Janet Evanovich, One for the Money

“He's a good man," Ranger said.
"And you?"
"I'm better.”
― Janet Evanovich, Lean Mean Thirteen

“Pete- What does a woman want out of marriage?
Louisa- Undying devotion and a warm place to put her cold feet when she gets into bed at night.”
― Janet Evanovich, Naughty Neighbor

“You're probably gonna find this hard to believe, but I was sort of weird when I was a kid."
Salvatore "Sally" Sweet”
― Janet Evanovich, Four to Score

“That’s how you tell what a man’s really made of. It’s one thing for a man to be big and brave and kill a spider. Any man could do that. Trailin’ after a woman when she’s shopping for thongs and push-up bras is a whole other category of man. And then if you want to see how far you can go with it, you ask him to carry one of those little pink bags they give you.”
― Janet Evanovich, To the Nines

“My eyes rolled so far back in my head that I could see myself think”
― Janet Evanovich

“I stuck my tongue out at him because I was feeling exceptionally mature.”
― Janet Evanovich, High Five

“I don't know much about cars," Joyce said, "but I think someone took my engine.”
― Janet Evanovich, Lean Mean Thirteen

“You deserved to get run over. And besides, I barely tapped you. The only reason you broke your leg was because you panicked and tripped over your own feet."
"You're lucky I didn't sue you."
"You're lucky I didn't put the car into reverse and back over you three or four times.”
― Janet Evanovich, One for the Money

“He had a body like batman”
― Janet Evanovich, Explosive Eighteen

“There’s always tomorrow.”

“Exactly,” she said, finishing off her first doughnut, selecting a second. Maybe she wouldn’t starve to death, she decided. Maybe she’d eat herself into obesity and explode. Death by doughnut.”
― Janet Evanovich, Naughty Neighbor

“Most poetry just confounds me. I really want to like it, but I can't help thinking it's a hoax. (p. 24)”
― Stephan Pastis, Sgt. Piggy's Lonely Hearts Club Comic: A Pearls Before Swine Treasury

“...Everyone knows there's only one thing less welcome on a stage than a mime, and that's a clown, because everyone knows that clowns eat people.”
― Laurie Notaro, There's a (Slight) Chance I Might Be Going to Hell: A Novel of Sewer Pipes, Pageant Queens, and Big Trouble

“I could have spent my time hugging you or I could have spent my time telling you not to touch hot stoves or take candy from men. Which did you want?”
― Laurie Notaro, It Looked Different on the Model: Epic Tales of Impending Shame and Infamy

“Seize the moment. Remember all those women on the 'Titanic' who waved off the dessert cart.”
― Erma Bombeck

“If I had my life to live over...

Someone asked me the other day if I had my life to live over would I change anything.

My answer was no, but then I thought about it and changed my mind.

If I had my life to live over again I would have waxed less and listened more.

Instead of wishing away nine months of pregnancy and complaining about the shadow over my feet, I'd have cherished every minute of it and realized that the wonderment growing inside me was to be my only chance in life to assist God in a miracle.

I would never have insisted the car windows be rolled up on a summer day because my hair had just been teased and sprayed.

I would have invited friends over to dinner even if the carpet was stained and the sofa faded.

I would have eaten popcorn in the "good" living room and worried less about the dirt when you lit the fireplace.

I would have taken the time to listen to my grandfather ramble about his youth.

I would have burnt the pink candle that was sculptured like a rose before it melted while being stored.

I would have sat cross-legged on the lawn with my children and never worried about grass stains.

I would have cried and laughed less while watching television ... and more while watching real life.

I would have shared more of the responsibility carried by my husband which I took for granted.

I would have eaten less cottage cheese and more ice cream.

I would have gone to bed when I was sick, instead of pretending the Earth would go into a holding pattern if I weren't there for a day.

I would never have bought ANYTHING just because it was practical/wouldn't show soil/ guaranteed to last a lifetime.

When my child kissed me impetuously, I would never have said, "Later. Now, go get washed up for dinner."

There would have been more I love yous ... more I'm sorrys ... more I'm listenings ... but mostly, given another shot at life, I would seize every minute of it ... look at it and really see it ... try it on ... live it ... exhaust it ... and never give that minute back until there was nothing left of it.”
― Erma Bombeck, Eat Less Cottage Cheese And More Ice Cream Thoughts On Life From Erma Bombeck

“He caught her, and he held her, and he let her cry, and cry, and cry, and he let her use his sheets to wipe her eyes, and her nose, and God knows what, because he had plenty of clean sheets, and he only had one Kat.”
― Tara Janzen, Crazy Cool

“I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”
― Maya Angelou