To the Nines Quotes

“Lula had Eminem cranked up. He was rapping about trailer park girls and how they go round the outside, and I was wondering what the heck that meant. I'm a white girl from Trenton. I don't know these things. I need a rap
cheat sheet.”
― Janet Evanovich, To the Nines

“Ranger was grinning. "Somebody beat the shit out of this guy before he got shot."
"That would be me."I said.
"Babe,"Ranger said, the grin widening.”
― Janet Evanovich, To the Nines

“I checked my phone messages. Three in all.

The first was from Joe. “Hey, Cupcake.” That was it. That was the whole message.

The second was from Ranger. “Yo.” Ranger made Joe look like a chatterbox.”
― Janet Evanovich, To the Nines

“My grandmother is a little Cuban woman who cooks all day and speaks Spanish. Your grandmother watches pay-per-view porn."
"She used to watch the Weather Channel, but she said there wasn't enough action."

-Ranger and Stephanie”
― Janet Evanovich, To the Nines

“Do you see that man in the black Porsche?" I asked the women.
They squinted out at Ranger. "Yes," they said."Your partner."
"He's homeless. He's looking for a place to stay and he might be interested in renting Singh's room."
Mrs.Apusenja's eyes widened. "We could use the income."She looked at Nonnie and then back at Ranger. "Is he married?"
"Nope. He's single. He's a real catch."
Connie did something between a gasp and a snort and buried her head back behind the computer. "Thank you for everything." Mrs.Apusenja said. "I suppose you are not such a bad slut. I will go talk to your partner.:
"Omigod," Connie said, when the door closed behind the Apusenja's. "Ranger's going to kill you." The Apusenjas stood beside the Porsche, talkig to Ranger for a few long minutes, giving him the big sales pitch. The pitch wound down, Ranger responded, and Mrs. Apusenja looked disappointed. The two women crossed the road and got into the burgundy Escort and quickly drove away. Ranger turned his head in my direction and our eyes met. His expression was still bemused, but this time it was the sort of bemused expression a kid has when he's pulling the wings off a fly.
"Uh-Oh,"Connie said. I whipped around and faced Connie. "Quick, give me an FTA. You're backed up, right? For God's sake, give me something fast. I need a reason to stand here until he calms down!" Connie shoved a pile of folders at me. "Pick one. Any one! Oh shit, he's getting out of his car."....
He leaned into me and his lips brushed the shell of my ear. "Feeling playful?"
"I don't know what you're talking about."
"Watch your back babe. I will get even."

-Ranger and Stephanie”
― Janet Evanovich, To the Nines

“Morelli beeped his truck unlocked. “If you’re looking for your rent-a-cop, I told Ranger you’d be with me this morning.”
“Did he make you take a blood oath that you’d protect me?”
“He asked me if I had adequate health insurance.”
― Janet Evanovich, To the Nines

“You've been busy using your breaking and entering skills," I said.
"I just enter. I don't usually break."
"You broke down Pitch's door."
"Lost my temper."

-Ranger and Stephanie”
― Janet Evanovich, To the Nines

“Excuse me?" I said, palms down on the Formica tabletop. "Coffee? I thought we came here for pie." "I don't eat the kind of pie they serve here." I felt a flash of heat go through my stomach. I knew firsthand the kind of pie Ranger liked.”
― Janet Evanovich, To the Nines

“Your on your on with this one babe."
"Coward."
"Calling me names isn't going to get me in there."
-Ranger and Stephanie”
― Janet Evanovich, To the Nines

“That’s how you tell what a man’s really made of. It’s one thing for a man to be big and brave and kill a spider. Any man could do that. Trailin’ after a woman when she’s shopping for thongs and push-up bras is a whole other category of man. And then if you want to see how far you can go with it, you ask him to carry one of those little pink bags they give you.”
― Janet Evanovich, To the Nines

“Get me a gun. If I don't go into labor soon, I'm going to shoot myself. And pass the gravy. Pass it now."
Valerie - To the Nines”
― Janet Evanovich, To the Nines

“It's the twenty-first century." I told Tank. "Women drive."
"Only in my bed," Tank said. "Never in my car.”
― Janet Evanovich, To the Nines

“Fuck," Ranger said.
Ranger didn't often curse and he rarely raised his voice. The fuck has been entirely conversational. Like he was now midly inconvenienced. He put his Bates boot to the door and the door popped open..”
― Janet Evanovich, To the Nines

“Maybe it was me," Grandma said."Sometimes they sneak out.Did I fart?”
― Janet Evanovich, To the Nines

“Bob had a dog buscuit stuck to his head. "How does he always get food stuck to him?" I asked Morelli.
"I don't know," Morelli said. "It's a Bob mystery. I think stuff falls out of his mouth and he rolls in it. I'm not sure."
-Morelli And Stephanie”
― Janet Evanovich, To the Nines

“You know, sometimes you can be real scary. I don't what you were thinking back there when you took those shoes off, but all hair stood up on the back of my next."
I had airport rage."
Fuckin' A," Lula said.”
― Janet Evanovich, To the Nines

“He had a lot of muscle and a skill level somewhere between Batman and Rambo.”
― Janet Evanovich, To the Nines

“You know what this is?" Lula said. "This here's plane rage."
Plane rage isn't allowed. It got taken off the allowed activities list along with eating. If you make a scene they'll hual you off in leg irons." Stephanie said.
I'm tired of being stapped in here, too," Lula said. "This seat belt's too tight and it's giving me gas."
Anything else?"
There's no movie.”
― Janet Evanovich, To the Nines

“You must be a terrible burden to your mother. I am feeling so sorry for her not to have a proper daughter."
Mrs. Apusenja - To the Nines”
― Janet Evanovich, To the Nines

“Sometimes it’s hard to tell what’s love and what’s only indigestion,”
― Janet Evanovich, To the Nines

“Omigod,” Valerie said. “Unh!” And her water broke. It was an explosion of water. A tidal wave. We’re talking Hoover Dam quantity water. Water everywhere . . . but mostly on Cal. Cal had been standing at the bottom of the gurney. Cal was totally slimed from the top of his head to his knees. It dripped off the end of his nose and ran in rivulets down his bald head. Valerie drew her legs up, the sheet fell away, and Cal gaped at the sight in front of him. Julie stuck her head around for a look. “Uh-oh,” Julie said, “there’s a foot sticking out. Guess this is going to be a breech baby.” That was when Cal fainted. CRASH. Cal went over like he was a giant redwood cut down by Paul Bunyan. Windows rattled and the building shook. Everyone clustered around Cal.”
― Janet Evanovich, To the Nines

“No one can eat just one French fry.” “I bet supermodels eat just one French fry.”
― Janet Evanovich, To the Nines

“There was a time when my mother warned me about Joe. Stay away from the Morelli boys, my mother would say. They can't be trusted. They're all sex fiends. And no Morelli man will ever amount to anything. A while back my mother had decided that Joe was the exception to the rule and that somehow, in spite of genetic disadvantage, he'd actually managed to grow up. He was financially and professionally stable. And he could be trusted. Okay, so he was still a sex fiend, but at least he was a monogamous sex fiend.”
― Janet Evanovich, To the Nines

“Hey,” I said, “dogs are people, too.”
― Janet Evanovich, To the Nines

“office. “Freaking glorious.” I hefted my bag higher on my shoulder and I headed out. Tank was standing guard on the sidewalk, in front of my car. “I have a couple FTAs,” I said to Tank. “One’s in the Burg and one’s in Hamilton Township. I have to stop at my apartment first to get some clean clothes and stuff.” “It might be easier if we took one car for the busts,” Tank said. I agreed. “Do you want to drive or ride shotgun?” Tank’s eyebrows raised a fraction of an inch. Shocked that I would even consider driving. Tank only rode shotgun to Ranger. “It’s the twenty-first century,” I told Tank. “Women drive.” “Only in my bed,” Tank said. “Never in my car.” I didn’t have a reply to that, but I thought it sounded like an okay philosophy. So I beeped the Escape locked, got into Tank’s SUV, and we chugged off for my place.”
― Janet Evanovich, To the Nines

“My grandmother is a little Cuban woman who cooks all day and speaks Spanish. Your grandmother watches pay-per-view porn.” “She used to watch the Weather Channel, but she said there wasn’t enough action.”
― Janet Evanovich, To the Nines

“They got stuff here that I didn’t even know existed. Everything’s spandex and sequins. It’s a retired ho’s dream come true.”
― Janet Evanovich, To the Nines

“I hate this,” Morelli said. “Why can’t I have a girlfriend who has normal problems . . . like breaking a fingernail or missing a period or falling in love with a lesbian?”
― Janet Evanovich, To the Nines

“It’s the twenty-first century,” I told Tank. “Women drive.” “Only in my bed,” Tank said. “Never in my car.” I didn’t have a reply to that, but I thought it sounded like an okay philosophy. So I beeped the Escape locked, got into Tank’s SUV, and we chugged off for my place.”
― Janet Evanovich, To the Nines

“session”
― Janet Evanovich, To the Nines