Finger Lickin' Fifteen Quotes

“You think I'm gonna feel better eatin' a carrot? Get a grip. There's two idiots out there trying to kill me, and you think I'm gonna waste my last breath on a vegetable? (Lula)”
― Janet Evanovich, Finger Lickin' Fifteen

“There were two doors that opened off the hallway. The doors were labeled PUSSY and MOTHERFUCKERS.
"I'm taking the Motherfuckers door," I said to Ranger.
"No way. That's my door."
"Well, I'm sure as hell not taking the Pussy door.”
― Janet Evanovich, Finger Lickin' Fifteen

“You don't have a drop of paint on you," I said. "Why is that?"
Ranger smiled, liking that he hadn't gotten hit. "I guess they were hunting pussy."
"But I walked into the Motherfuckers room."
"Yeah, but babe, your clearly pussy.”
― Janet Evanovich, Finger Lickin' Fifteen

“On the bright side, I'm sure this isn't the last time you'll ever get firebombed, so maybe you'll have better luck next time.”
― Janet Evanovich, Finger Lickin' Fifteen

“I was waiting for my body receipt when Morelli walked in. He nodded to Ranger and grinned at me in my whiteness.
“I was at my desk, and Mickey told me I had to come out to take a look,” Morelli said.
“It’s floor,” I told him.
“I can see that. If we add some milk and eggs, we can turn you into a cake.”
― Janet Evanovich, Finger Lickin' Fifteen

“Do you have someone watching her house?” (Stephanie)
“That kind of surveillance only happens in the movies. We’re so underbudgeted we’re one step away from
holding bake sales to pay for toilet paper. (Morelli)”
― Janet Evanovich, Finger Lickin' Fifteen

“I mostly eat peanut butter sandwiches. Peanut butter and banana, peanut butter and jelly, peanut butter and potato chips, peanut butter and olives, and peanut butter and marshmallow goo. So sue me, I like peanut butter.”
― Janet Evanovich, Finger Lickin' Fifteen

“There are four ways to manage stress. There's drugs, there's alcohol, there's sex, and there's doughnuts. I go with sex and doughnuts. I tried the other two and it wasn't any good. You being in a dry spell, you might have to rely on doughnuts.”
― Janet Evanovich, Finger Lickin' Fifteen

“I don't feel so good." Lula said. And she farted.
She squeezed her eyes shut tight and did a full minute-long fart. "Excuse me." she said.
I was horrified and impressed all at the same time. It was a record breaking fart. On my best day, I couldn't come near to farting like that.”
― Janet Evanovich, Finger Lickin' Fifteen

“Connie drove a silver Camry with rosary beads hanging from her rearview mirror and a Smith& Wesson stuck under the seat. No matter whatwent down, Connie was covered.”
― Janet Evanovich, Finger Lickin' Fifteen

“You know what your problem is? You got too many scruples. One or two is okay, but you get too many of them, and it clogs everything up."
What she said made no sense at all, but was probably right.
"I got some scruples," Lula said, "but I know when to stop. There's a point where you have to say enough is enough and screw scruples.”
― Janet Evanovich, Finger Lickin' Fifteen

“He's hot, Lula said, but he's a pig. All men are pigs.
Do you really believe that?
No but it's a point of view to keep in mind . You don't want to go around thinkin' shit is your fault. Next thing you know, they got you makin' pot roast ad you're cutting up your mastercard.”
― Janet Evanovich, Finger Lickin' Fifteen

“Sounds to me like you're talkin' about the wrong things. Why don't you talk about other things? Like you could make a list of things you won't fight over and then you only talk about those things.”
― Janet Evanovich, Finger Lickin' Fifteen

“I don't want a new man."
"I'll be dead someday," my mother said. "And then what? You'll wish you had someone."
"I have a hamster.”
― Janet Evanovich, Finger Lickin' Fifteen

“Dancing hotdogs don't say shit.”
― Janet Evanovich, Finger Lickin' Fifteen

“My first stop was the supermarket. Not bad this early in the morning because it takes the seniors time to get up and running. By ten, they’d start to roll in, clogging up the lot with their handicap-tagged cars. Being a senior citizen in Jersey is a lot like belonging to the Mob. A certain attitude is expected. If you don’t respect a Mob member in Jersey, you could get shot. If you don’t respect a senior, they’ll ram a shopping cart into your car, rear-end you at a light, and deliberately block you from going down the nonprescription meds aisle by idling in the middle of it in their motorized basketed bumper cars while they pretend to read the label on the Advil box.”
― Janet Evanovich, Finger Lickin' Fifteen

“He exposed himself,' I said. 'Men aren't supposed to go around exposing themselves at unsuspecting women.'
'Well, technically none of us was unsuspecting,' Grandma said. 'We wait for him to show up. I guess it's one of them generation things. You get to an age and you look forward to seeing a winkie at four in the afternoon when you're peeling potatoes for supper.”
― Janet Evanovich, Finger Lickin' Fifteen

“I carted the basket into my bedroom, set it on the floor, and my cell phone rang.
'Bitch,' Joyce Barnhardt said when I answered.
'Do you have a problem?'
'You poisoned me.'
'I don't know what you're talking about.'
'Don't play dumb. You knew exactly what you were doing when you forced that pork on me.'
'Gee, I'd really like to talk to you, Joyce, but I have to go do something.'
'I'll get you for this. As soon as I can leave the bathroom.”
― Janet Evanovich, Finger Lickin' Fifteen

“Ranger was the second biggest complication in my life, and now that Morelli was out of the picture, I supposed Ranger was elevated to numero uno. He’s close to six foot, one way or the other, is Latino, with medium brown skin and dark brown hair cut short. His teeth are white and even, and he has a killer smile that is seen only on special occasions. He dresses in black, and today he was wearing a black T-shirt and black cargo pants.”
― Janet Evanovich, Finger Lickin' Fifteen

“One minute I was having a day like any other , and then Whack an this guy didn’t have no head“ Lula Finger Lickin 15”
― Janet Evanovich, Finger Lickin' Fifteen

“I don’t want to get into this now,” Morelli said. “Call me when you calm down.” “I’m calm!” I yelled at him. He gave his head a shake and moved to the door. He turned, looked at me, and shook his head again. He murmured something I couldn’t catch, and he left. “He’s hot,” Lula said, “but he’s a pig. All men are pigs.” “Do you really believe that?” “No, but it’s a point of view to keep in mind. You don’t want to go around thinkin’ shit is your fault. Next thing you know, they got you makin’ pot roast and you’re cutting up your MasterCard.”
― Janet Evanovich, Finger Lickin' Fifteen

“And then I had to decide if I wanted shoes that kicked ass, or were good for ass-kickin', on account of there's a difference.”
― Janet Evanovich, Finger Lickin' Fifteen

“I can’t help it. I’m just a big gasbag. I still got leftover barbecue gas.” She squeezed her eyes shut tight and did a full minute-long fart. “Excuse me,” she said.”
― Janet Evanovich, Finger Lickin' Fifteen

“Every man in my organization knows you and understands that you’re my personal property,”
― Janet Evanovich, Finger Lickin' Fifteen