“And the worst part of it was—even though I'd longed for these things, I knew that they'd never make me happy anyway. The idea was beautiful. But the reality made me sick.
How could I feel so sad about giving up these things that I did not actually want?
I felt pathetic for getting sad about it. I felt guilty, knowing that there were people out there like me who were happy being like this.
I felt like I was grieving. I was grieving this fake life, a fantasy future that I was never going to live.”