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John Gimlett
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Rhea Courtney
It shift stems from a couple of things. Primary is Julias death. Both are handling it separately as opposed to discussing their feelings. Then the trial and money issues come into play. Ross not talking to Demelza about things leads to assumptions. Like not wanting another child. Or Demelza thinking Ross is interested in Elizabeth again. He questions her actions while he was in jail and on trial. Just a lot of disconnection due to pride and stubbornness.
Catherine
It's mostly Julia's death. That drove them apart, because they reacted differently. Demelza was able to accept it, Ross was not. Secondly, Demelza is in an ongoing state of uncertainty about how Ross feels about her. Third, Ross's statement that he didn't want another child made it almost impossible for Demelza to talk to him, given that she was just about to let him know she was pregnant again, and that in turn made her angry with him for reasons unclear to him. Fourth, Ross STILL hasn't made up his mind that Elizabeth is not for him, and Demelza can feel it, which feeds her own insecurity. And lastly, their parlous financial situation threatens their relationship. Ross doesn't want to share his worries, and he takes reckless actions that endanger his ability to, at a minimum, remain unjailed.
Michele
She was so excited to announce her new of a new baby and she felt quite crushed when Ross says he never wants her to go through that pain again. It takes awhile for them to get back to their same level of trust but thank goodness they do!
December Knight
I know this is an old question, however I can't help but weight in. From what I've read so far between the first 3 books there is natural growth in relationship between Ross and Demelza, not all these turns appealing to them or to me. It is a kind of end to the honeymoon period as it were, and all the happy things that come when there aren't heavy trails in your life. It is a removal of a mask that is easy to maintain in better times to allow each other to see the others, for lack of a better way of saying it, worse self. That part of people can be hard to live with and difficult to understand. It also tests a relationships tinsel strength.
At the end of Demelza they never really dealt with their argument and everything that fell out with Francis and all that mess. One could suggest that they just moved past it with Demelza's declaration at the end of the former book. That is not necessarily a healthy way to get over it, at least when looking at human nature. Ross wasn’t left with much time to do so, and his and his cousins’ relationship is an example of that strain still being present. And whether people like it or not an argument that leads to months of stewing isn’t just easily disposed of, not when all the pain is accounted for.
You mentioned that their relationship got better but it didn’t have time to do so in Demelza, and when we get to Jeremy Poldark too much is going on to properly recover anything from that final confronting of the subject.
Also, tragedy often brings out interesting traits in people. Looking at the pain of the court case, the loss their daughter, Ross and his general selfish way of reacting to things. He couldn't even see his part in what happened with Francis. He first gave a place to Verity to meet her lover, in Ross Poldark, which is what cast the original doubt which led to Francis, as irritatingly self-willed and spiteful as Ross, telling about the shareholder. He was part of that. Ross doesn’t seem to often see his own flaws, at least not in regard to these things.
I believe that the shift you saw was the natural shift as you begin to learn about someone at a higher level. This is the growing together or growing apart of two people who decided to intertwine their lives together.
I don’t know if this helped or if you are even still looking for an answer for this, but I hope it did a little :) Also, I don’t want anyone to think I don’t like the story because I say these things. I really do.
At the end of Demelza they never really dealt with their argument and everything that fell out with Francis and all that mess. One could suggest that they just moved past it with Demelza's declaration at the end of the former book. That is not necessarily a healthy way to get over it, at least when looking at human nature. Ross wasn’t left with much time to do so, and his and his cousins’ relationship is an example of that strain still being present. And whether people like it or not an argument that leads to months of stewing isn’t just easily disposed of, not when all the pain is accounted for.
You mentioned that their relationship got better but it didn’t have time to do so in Demelza, and when we get to Jeremy Poldark too much is going on to properly recover anything from that final confronting of the subject.
Also, tragedy often brings out interesting traits in people. Looking at the pain of the court case, the loss their daughter, Ross and his general selfish way of reacting to things. He couldn't even see his part in what happened with Francis. He first gave a place to Verity to meet her lover, in Ross Poldark, which is what cast the original doubt which led to Francis, as irritatingly self-willed and spiteful as Ross, telling about the shareholder. He was part of that. Ross doesn’t seem to often see his own flaws, at least not in regard to these things.
I believe that the shift you saw was the natural shift as you begin to learn about someone at a higher level. This is the growing together or growing apart of two people who decided to intertwine their lives together.
I don’t know if this helped or if you are even still looking for an answer for this, but I hope it did a little :) Also, I don’t want anyone to think I don’t like the story because I say these things. I really do.
Kimberly
I blame Elizabeth. First, Elizabeth not letting go of Ross throws off her marriage and contributes to Francis spinning out of control; then their marriage failing throws off Ross and Demelza's marriage as Elizabeth dangles her love to Ross. I'm sort of half joking here as I agree with what the others have written below (that it has to do with them needing to grow up and deal with Julia's death and learn how to communicate, etc) in terms of direct causes, but I actually am coming around to seeing just how destabilizing a force Elizabeth is in these first few books. I'm also totally biased!
Nour
I think the change in the relationship between Ross and Demelza is due to the change in Demelza herself! Remember that Demelza at the beginning of their marriage. She was full of life. She was more like her child-self. She was innocent and curious and playful. You couldn’t be around her and be miserable. And so her happiness was contagious and Ross couldn’t help but be happy!
After that, life faced Demelza with situations in which she felt she had to act, precisely starting with her knowing that verity is prevented from being with the person she fell in love with. Nagging to Ross to do something was the solution approach driven by the child-like nature of Demelza. But when that failed, she acquired a new trait. From this point, Demelza learned how to plot and scheme (of course with good intentions). And what she did had a series of consequences. And since then she had to be wise, strong, and even more skillful in plotting to be able to face all of that and fix everything. So now, she has become a more of an adult than a child. She kept wanting the old state of happiness she had at the beginning of their marriage. But she couldn’t get it. Because to get it she had to undo everything that happened, undo everything that changed in her and be the child-like Demelza once again. Something that she couldn’t even do if she wanted to. Now her default mood is worry, and her first instinct is to hide things from Ross and think and act on her own. The problem is that he feels it, and that makes him somehow restless, hurt, undignified and distant. This is what I think is the cause of the change between Ross and Demelza because I myself miss the old Demelza.
After that, life faced Demelza with situations in which she felt she had to act, precisely starting with her knowing that verity is prevented from being with the person she fell in love with. Nagging to Ross to do something was the solution approach driven by the child-like nature of Demelza. But when that failed, she acquired a new trait. From this point, Demelza learned how to plot and scheme (of course with good intentions). And what she did had a series of consequences. And since then she had to be wise, strong, and even more skillful in plotting to be able to face all of that and fix everything. So now, she has become a more of an adult than a child. She kept wanting the old state of happiness she had at the beginning of their marriage. But she couldn’t get it. Because to get it she had to undo everything that happened, undo everything that changed in her and be the child-like Demelza once again. Something that she couldn’t even do if she wanted to. Now her default mood is worry, and her first instinct is to hide things from Ross and think and act on her own. The problem is that he feels it, and that makes him somehow restless, hurt, undignified and distant. This is what I think is the cause of the change between Ross and Demelza because I myself miss the old Demelza.
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