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March 9 - April 2, 2024
When someone puts you in the position of having to enforce a boundary, you may not feel cared for in that relationship.
setting boundaries doesn’t make you a bad person but a healthy one.
So assume that people will honor your boundaries, and act accordingly.
Don’t explain yourself or provide a detailed story about what’s behind your request.
Don’t let the opportunity pass and then mention it later. Say it in the moment.
need to repeat your boundaries, but try not to explain yourself.
I want you to ask me what I’m feeling instead of assuming what I’m feeling.
People get their cues from you.
If you don’t, people will use your behavior as a reason for dishonoring your boundaries.
don’t allow the conversation to get too detailed and convoluted.
Don’t go into a background story, explaining the why of it all or how long you’ve been feeling put upon.
Don’t apologize for having and setting boundaries.
When you apologize, it gives the impression that your expectations are negotiable or
Try to stick to the original statement as much as possible.
Speak up in the moment.
When you remain silent, you give people the impression that what they said or did is okay with you.
them how the violation makes you feel. Then restate what you expect.
“I” statement: I want, I need, I would like, or I expect. Do not write the word “because” anywhere in
your sentence. Don’t explain yourself, and don’t apologize.
Immediately ground yourself by engaging in a self-care practice.
help (solicited or unsolicited) from others comes with strings attached—“I get to tell you how to live your life.”
It may be hard to just listen without offering advice as people share their problems, but this is often the best support we can give.
‘Do you want empathy or a strategy right now?’”
More than 70 percent of the 4,000 people who answered said, “B: Listening.”
It seems that most of us just want to be heard.
“Do you want me to listen or offer some feedback?”
When we share what we would do if ____, it denies the other person the opportunity to decide their own boundaries.
There is no belief so strong that it cannot be set aside temporarily to learn from someone who disagrees.
Don’t worry; your beliefs will still be there when you’re done.”
Everyone is entitled to their own opinion, but someone else’s opinion about your life isn’t m...
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be clear, state your need, and deal with your discomfort.
You don’t have to offer your time freely to people you find emotionally draining.
“Expressing my expectations is my way of practicing self-care.”
“Discomfort is a part of the process.”
People expect you to give in eventually.
Cutoffs can be a way of caring for yourself on a deeper level, as
remaining in a relationship with a person who is unwilling to change can be painful and damaging.
Forgive yourself for the things you allowed to happen in the relationship • Forgive yourself
The relationship was already unhealthy, and your boundary brought to the surface the issues that needed to be addressed.
Setting limits won’t disrupt a healthy relationship.
“All big things come from small beginnings.
The task of breaking a bad habit is like uprooting a powerful oak within us.
You are who you say you are.
Affirming yourself as who you want to be will keep you in the mindset of making changes
“What did you hear me say?”
won’t ensure that people will listen, but it will prevent them from saying they didn’t hear or understand your stated boundaries.
No one wanted her, so she learned to live without needing people.
Gaslighting (blaming someone for something that wasn’t their fault)
Allows others to express feelings without overreacting
Counterdependence may be how someone with avoidant attachment learns to protect themselves.
