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March 9 - April 2, 2024
“I hear that you have a lot of things going on. I don’t feel equipped to help you. Have you considered talking to a therapist?”
“It isn’t okay for you to tell me how I should feel. My feelings are valid.”
“I will take my time processing my feelings. Don’t rush me to move on.” “It’s okay for me to feel how I feel in any situation.”
Your stuff is your stuff. If you decide to share your stuff, it’s your choice.
you don’t have time for something that you want to do, you don’t have healthy boundaries with time.
Having long conversations with emotionally draining people
Requesting favors at a time when it’s clear the other person isn’t available
People do not have to like, agree with, or understand your boundaries to respect them.
She often receives the label of “bossy,” while her male counterparts are
described as influential leaders.
“I notice that you said, ‘I don’t sound Black.’ What does that mean?”
Tina could point out that she’s simply assertive and willing to lead.
This personal information isn’t appropriate in the context of your role as a trainer.
OVERSHARERS ARE USUALLY clueless about how they are impacting others and violating boundaries.
The oversharer often ignores the nonverbal cues from others that the conversation has gone too far.
“Wow, this seems like a critical conversation that we should have at another time.”
don’t feel equipped to help with this situation.
When someone intentionally tries to make you feel bad, they are guilt-tripping you.
Guilt-tripping is a manipulative strategy that people use to persuade you to do what they want.
impose her values on Carla.
I just have preferences for myself.”
Declare that you’ve made your decision: “Your response seems like you’re trying to change my mind.”
Absorbing the emotions of the other person as your own
Making excuses for the poor behavior of others
Describing other people’s problems as if they’re your own
Set clear expectations with regard to how you can help.
Support people without doing things for them.
Hold people accountable for caring for themselves.
Cycling from harsh treatment to kindness
Not telling others how you’re treated in your relationship because you fear they will see it as abuse
Your friend is mean to you in front of your other friends.
Stop people immediately when they say something mean or something that makes you feel uncomfortable.
Tell them “What you said makes me feel uncomfortable.”
It’s vital not to take ownership of how others treat you or to make excuses for their behavior. How they treat you is about who they are, not who you are.
When we passive-aggressively set boundaries, we say something indirectly to the other person, or we speak to someone who isn’t in a position to resolve the issue.
will act out how I feel, but I’ll deny how I feel.”
“I know what my needs are, and I will communicate them to
communicating your feelings openly and without attacking others.
Making your expectations clear up front instead of assuming people will figure them out
“I say who, I say when, I say how much.”
She sets boundaries, and when people don’t adhere to them, she honors them by leaving the situation.
like; ask for what you need or want.
don’t feel comfortable talking about her in this way. I want you to be pleasant toward her because John likes her.”
There is no such thing as guilt-free boundaries.
Telling kids they’re bad or mean for not complying with a request is manipulative.
But the bottom line is that it’s okay to ask for what you want.
Stating your needs is healthy.
Feel the guilt, but don’t focus on it. Overfocusing on emotions just prolongs them.
You did whatever was usually on your agenda, but you felt excited at the same time. You can also carry on with your life while feeling guilty.
have no way to guess how someone else feels, so wait for them to tell you.
