Models: Attract Women Through Honesty

by Mark Manson

Until you learn to trust your own actions and learn to pursue women with your own unique style and personality, you have learned absolutely nothing.

“What you do speaks so loudly I cannot hear what you say.”

The game is emotions, emotions through movement. If you learn anything from this book, let that be it.

man's attractiveness is inversely proportional to how needy he is. The less needy he is, the more attractive he will be to women on average. The needier he is, the less attractive he will be to women on average.

Seduction is the process by which a man induces a woman to become as invested in him as he is in her.

…That before meeting a woman, instead of worrying whether or not she will like you, you could wonder if you will like her.

…That instead of feeling the need to impress her, you could wonder if she impresses you.

…That instead of sitting there silently wondering what to say next to make her like you, you could sit there silently wondering wh...

you could decide whether they’re too superficial to recognize your great qualities.

you could talk about something you enjoy and see if she takes interest.

…That instead of looking for her approval, you could decide whether or not to give yours.

Looking for a person who meets your needs instead of trying to always meet theirs. Changing yourself to become who you want to be, not what you think women want you to be.

The key to non-neediness is to have both: respect for both oneself and for women.

A man who’s able to make himself vulnerable is saying to the world, “Screw the repercussions; this is who I am, and I refuse to be anyone else.” He’s saying he is non-needy and high status.

Think of it this way, there are two men. One stands tall, looks straight ahead. Looks people in the eye when he speaks to them. Says what he thinks and is comfortable if some people disagree with him. When he makes a mistake, he shrugs it off and apologizes if necessary. When he sucks at something, he admits it. He’s unafraid to express his emotions, even if that means he gets rejected because of them sometimes. He has no problem moving on to people who don’t reject him, but instead like him for who he is.

tribe? If they’re basing all of their behavior on the approval of the other men and are constantly covering up their weaknesses, it says that they’re low status, not trustworthy, unconfident, and probably not going to be a dependable father.

They don’t react to any of the other men around them; rather, the other men react to them.

All of these are symptoms of a root problem: an inability to be vulnerable.

Vulnerability is the path of true human connection and becoming a truly attractive person. As psychologist Robert Glover once said, “Humans are attracted to each other’s rough edges.”

“The less you talk about your shame, the more of it you have.”

We all have weaknesses, embarrassments, and vulnerabilities. A needy man is terrified to show them because he cares more about what others feel about him than what he feels about himself. A non-needy man is comfortable showing his flaws because he’s more comfortable with how he feels about himself than how others feel about him.

The reason is because sharing these truths about yourself forces you to own them and accept them, and also demonstrates that feeling embarrassed or ashamed is just that, just another feeling, another part of your humanity, not the end of the world.

The man who has some good lines and some bad lines and is able to admit the latter and laugh at the former, this is a man she will trust and a man she will open herself up to, both emotionally and physically.

Stop looking at communication as the surface information and instead, pay attention to the emotions and motivations behind everything that you do and say. That's where all of the meaning is.

communicate with honest appreciation and you’ll be amazed how she lights up in front of you.

everything you say must be as authentic as possible. There’s no shortcut. There are no tricks. You say it because you mean it and mean it because you say it. The more nervous it makes you, the better, because it means you’re being authentic and making yourself vulnerable.

“I really don’t care if you laugh or run away horrified, but here’s who I am, take it or leave it,” this sub-communicates a rock-bottom level of investment and an incredibly high level of vulnerability.

You may as well invest that time and effort in yourself and let your identity and honesty do all of the attracting for you.

Because when a man comes right out and says he’s interested in a woman, the sub-communication is actually, “I’m totally OK with the idea of you rejecting me, otherwise I would not be approaching you in this manner. Therefore, I'm comfortable with myself and my prospects.”

Remember: what you actually say doesn’t matter; why you say it matters.

Vulnerability requires honesty, and honesty only works if it’s given unconditionally, with no strings attached. That means everything you say and do must be done without any ulterior motive. You are simply expressing your thoughts and feelings as they come to you, without inhibition, without shame.

Even if you are exaggerating or putting on a bit of an act to impress a person, your intentions will always shine through, eventually, and they will say more about you than any word ever could.

An attractive man expresses his interest unconditionally, expecting nothing in return. This arouses women and when they do reciprocate his interest, their interest is, in fact, a gift in return.

When I tell a girl that she is beautiful, I say it not expecting anything in return. Whether she rejects me or falls in love with me isn’t important in that moment. What’s important is that I’m expressing my feelings to her in that moment.

I don’t use my compliments as a bargaining tool. I give them unconditionally.

When a compliment comes from a man seeking nothing in return, it’s a gift of truth, a piece of his vulnerability and infinitely more powerful as a result.

And when it is a gift, when it is honest, she recognizes and appreciates a man who genuinely appreciates her. These men are rare.

The biggest aphrodisiac in the world is someone who likes you, genuinely likes you. A woman’s desire is to be desired. But it has to be genuine desire. It can’t be a, “I’ll desire you as long as you boost my ego and impress my co-workers,” kind of desire.

being less invested in others’ perceptions instead of NOT invested in others’ perceptions. It’s an important difference.

When you’re willing to cut a woman off and tell her when you feel that she’s out of line, when you’re willing to tell a woman what you will and will not tolerate in your life, this sub-communicates the most powerful elements of attraction to her. Far more powerful than an entertaining story or game.

“I don’t like stuff like that,” and she can choose to step across it or not.

Non-neediness means you respect yourself AND others. Narcissism means you only respect yourself. Neediness means you only respect others.

Hold your line. Don’t go around breaking somebody else’s.

And a couple times, they’ve said, “You’re right. I don’t want to date you,” in so many words. And that’s OK. Yeah, it hurt to hear that. But a lot of shit in life hurts. Get over it. It’s for the better. She just saved us both a lot of time and effort.

Learn how to say no to people, particularly women. Start having opinions on what you like and don’t like, what you’ll tolerate and won’t tolerate. Be honest with yourself, painfully honest. And then be painfully honest with

Men will often have to spend a lot of time seeking truth within themselves first before they’re able to express it to others.

YOUR values determine your behavior, not what you think she wants, not what you think others want, but what is best for you and best for the relationship.

Our job is not to attract every woman, but to screen for women with a high potential of being attracted to who we really are.

The world is what it is, it’s our job to simply present ourselves as boldly and clearly to it as possible, accept the reactions and move on the opportunities.

Any attempt to control the reactions of others or take some kind of power over the reactions you receive is both foolish and illusory.