Models: Attract Women Through Honesty

by Mark Manson

The difference between now and 2005 is that back then, I was incredibly needy and highly invested in how women perceived me. These combined to amplify my anxiety in ways that were unbearable.

But non-neediness simply means to feel the fear and not let it define you. Non-neediness is feeling the fear and deciding that something else is more important.

I say or do something that screws everything up (and I still do all the time), I don’t really care.

It doesn’t change how I feel about myself, and it doesn’t change my confidence in my ability to inter...

Feeling fear and acting despite it builds courage.

Anytime you’re afraid to do something and feel some invisible force holding you back, yet you push through it anyway, you’re building courage within yourself.

Courage is a habit. Courage is a form of discipline. It’s taking a certain action even though you feel like doing something else. The difference here is that courage involves acting against fear, whereas ...

Courage is built like a muscle. The stair-stepped exercises in the previous section are designed to progressively build your courage. The more courage you build, the more you’ll be capable of bold actions. Bold actio...

Walking up to a group of six people sitting down, asking to speak to the most attractive woman for a moment, telling her that you find her beautiful and you’d like to take her out sometime, is quite bold. It’s bold because it requires a lot of courage to disrupt social norms and it requires quite a bit of vulnerability. But there’s a caveat here. You must know that you’re interrupting social norms. You must acknowledge that what you are doing is unusual. If you don’t, you’ll be seen as someone who is out of touch and oblivious, which is not attractive.

invite her out with you after just meeting her, etc. — it’s important that you communicate that you realize what you’re doing is abnormal. “You know, I’ve never done this before, and I know we just met, but why don’t you come to the restaurant with me?”

The bolder your action, the greater attraction you’re going to create. The bolder the action, the more vulnerability you show, and the more you polarize responses.

greater boldness leads to greater polarization.

err on the side of assertiveness. Choose the bolder action. Because if you wait around for the safer and less bold opportunity to make a move on her, chances are the attraction will be less or may even dwindle.

when you compliment a woman or express yourself, you’re not doing it with an ulterior motive, you’re simply expressing yourself.

Now if a man compliments a woman out of genuine appreciation for her, she’s going to hear his intention and be genuinely appreciative of him as well.

What is your intention? Are you trying to impress her (needy) and therefore bragging? Or are you sharing yourself (vulnerability) and therefore polarizing her?

A man who is non-needy will have intentions dominated by vulnerability and will therefore be attractive regardless of what he says.

There’s no such thing as a man who is adored by women who isn’t also creepy some of the time.

“Give yourself permission to be creepy.”

Creepiness is behaving in a way that makes a woman feel insecure sexually.

This is why vulnerability is so huge. When you’re vulnerable around someone you don’t know, it elicits trust in them and they will become more vulnerable toward you in return. The more vulnerable a woman is willing to be around you, the less likely you will be to creep her out.

The more reserved and closed up you are about your intentions, the more you attempt to manipulate her and mislead her about what you want and who you are, the more you disregard her feelings and actions toward you, the more likely you are to become creepy.

Flirting is expressing your sexuality to a woman in a way that makes her feel secure expressing her sexuality back towards you.

“I think you’re beautiful, I’d like to take you on a date.”

Your ability to connect with a woman emotionally is proportional to how self-aware you are of your own emotional processes and motivations.

When you connect with women emotionally, they really open up to you in ways that you can’t imagine, your interactions and relationships with them become these rich and unique experiences that can never be replicated, the sex is far better, and all mind games, flakes and ambivalence goes out the window.

Becoming aware of your own emotions, motivations, and life story. - Taking the lead by sharing those emotions, motivations, and life story first. - Sharing first creates trust and encourages her to open up and share herself in return. - Ideally, the more this goes on, the more personal the stories become and the deeper the emotions are by which you connect.

Whatever it is, open up about it. Challenge yourself to go one level deeper.

And the most important rule of emotional connection is to relate to feelings, not facts. Seduction is about feelings, not facts.

That’s where the gold is. That’s where the real magic happens. Challenge yourself to find it. Because once you do, you’ll never go back.

better our communication skills, the more clearly we can express ourselves and show sexual interest.

Ninety percent of the time when I meet a new woman, I simply say, “Hi, I’m Mark.” I then follow it up with, “I wanted to meet you.” And if I’m feeling particularly bold, I’ll say, “I thought you were cute and wanted to meet you.”

When in doubt on how to approach a woman, simply walk up and introduce yourself and explain to her that you wanted to meet her.

The best approaches I ever do are when I don’t think about it and I spontaneously just walk up and say hello.

Don’t linger. If you linger and hover around her, it’s almost guaranteed to make the approach feel awkward and forced. Imagine a straight line between you and her, and when you’re ready to go, follow that straight line until you’re standing right in front of her. Don’t stand around and kick the dirt at your feet trying to work up the nerve right next to her.

Smile. Always smile. Don’t smile like the Joker from the Batman movies smiles. But smile like you’re a nice, friendly person. A comfortable smile. Lean back. Stand up tall. Speak loudly yet clearly. Make strong eye contact. Introduce yourself and stick out your hand. Give a firm handshake. This is called being a confident human being.

And really that’s all the opener is trying to do: stop them and get them to talk to you for a second. It’s your conversation skills that get that second to turn into a minute and that minute to turn into an hour.

Using Effective Language: This is the easiest “quick fix” that you can apply to your communication skills. Using effective language means saying what you mean with the fewest words possible while still maintaining your meaning and intent.

Creating threads of conversation through statement is far more powerful than questions. This is because it assumes rapport and instantly makes conversations more personally.

Instead of incessant questioning, you want to develop a skill called cold reading. Cold reading is a skill where you’re able to intuitively “know” something about someone else without actually knowing it.

You don’t ask the question you want to know, but instead, you make a mild prediction.

Instead of asking her a question about herself, you guess the answer to your question and then state it. Here are some examples: “Where are you from?” translates to: “You look like a California girl.”

“What do you do for work?” translates to: “You seem to be a creative person. I bet your job is interesting." “How do you guys know each other?” translates to: “You guys ...

Any time you’re asking a question that requires a factual answer, take a stab at the answer instead of asking.

you can simply comment about something or observe something. Never underestimate the power of non-sequiturs.

These will sometimes come across as random. But that’s because they are — they’re whatever thoughts are popping into your head at the moment.

If she is constantly seeking information from you, you now have the power to control the interaction — you control the information and the conversation.

Endless Conversation Topics: In every topic of conversation, there are countless opportunities to jump off onto other topics — there are countless word associations to be made.

Combine this skill with the ability to cold read and create conversational threads out of thin air by making statements, and you will literally develop the skill to begin and control any conversation with anybody for any length of time.

Relating and Connecting: The final goal of a successful conversation is to actually make a personal connection with the woman you’re talking to.