Janet (iamltr)

“Rules for Peasants Reading This Book 1. Whilst reading this glorious and inspirational guide to life, a full prostration upon the floor (face down, arms outstretched) is preferred but a kneel is okay. But do it with feeling. And don’t try one of those half-hearted one-knees-bent poses! Kneeling means both knees!”
― Henry VIII, Unleash Your Inner Tudor: Henry VIII’s Inspirational Guide to a Completely Sizzling, Sparkly, Tyrannical, Much Wider, Demanding, and Sexier You

“There are few things in the world that make me angrier than poverty, the lack of basic human civil rights, and the fact that most women’s clothes don’t have pockets.Obviously the first two are more pressing, but the pockets thing is pretty irritating too.”
― Jenny Lawson, Furiously Happy: A Funny Book About Horrible Things

“Someone gave it to me as a gift.” Yikes. Getting a book called How to Survive a Horror Movie as a gift? That’s like your spouse signing you up for life insurance “which you’ll probably never even need.”
― Seth Grahame-Smith, How to Survive a Horror Movie: All the Skills to Dodge the Kills

“I hope you brought your Bible because this one needs the demons driven out. Her feminine wiles are out of control.”
― Jessa Kane, Preacher Man