devo’s Comments (group member since Nov 26, 2018)

Everything fell silent for a moment as Casper lowered his eyes back onto the table. Hearing her stories only confirmed his worst fear that he would possibly lose control and attack his closet friends or even his family. When you turn, it doesn't matter who it is or what their relationship is too you -- if you're thirsty, you're thirsty. The searing sensation that burns through you're throat consumes all your thoughts and drives you towards the unthinkable. Casper can recall a couple of times where he's lost control, but he was lucky enough (would he even consider that lucky?) enough to feed on unsuspecting strangers. He doesn't remember the attack themselves, but he remembers the feeling of the warm blood seeping down his throat and the animalistic urge of wanting more...

Clearing his throat he shook those thoughts back into his mind and focused on Vee instead. She was living his worst nightmare. If he was her he'd never see the light of day again -- preferring to be holed up in his house until he found a way to live with himself again. Though if he told her that he was sure to only further make her feel bad about herself, which she shouldn't because even though it was her who killed him, it was the beastly side that she never asked for in the first place.

"I'm am so sorry to hear that. I'm really sorry." He said, partially apologizing for even asking that question. He should have known the story of her turning wouldn't be a fairytale, that's just the nature of becoming a vampire. Yet, if he knew where her story was going he would've have prevented opening old wounds. "If it makes you feel any better," He started, knowing it wouldn't "handling your urges does get easier. Even if it doesn't feel that way at first."

"Lorenzo, you're killing yourself from stress."

Which is true, anyone could tell from simply looking at him. The way he always used to walk into the door, threatening to collapse at any second, eyes droopy and vaguely red from lack of sleep. She'd always watch him set down his soccer bag or school bag and go straight into the kitchen to make sure everyone was fed. While Salem and Elizabeth were upstairs gossiping about some guy, Lorenzo was downstairs or in one of the boy's rooms, staying up till he was sure they were ready for their upcoming exams even if that meant he didn't get to look over his notes for his own.

Which always begs the question: How could he not see that? His fierce determination to carry everything on his back without any help is respectable but also detrimental to his health. How long can he run with his gas tank on empty? Even looking at him now she knows there's a million things buzzing through his head. She searched his face -- worry lines seemingly permanently etched onto his forehead. She just wanted to give him peace. That's all. That's all she's ever wanted since she's met him.

When she became Liz's friend she was struggling with her own life problems. She just enrolled into Warwick High on her own and stepping into school again as something other than her regular human self was so daunting that after the first day she swore she would just drop out. But as she walked out of her last period class she bumped into Elizabeth and the rest was history. Bottom line is, when people are at their lowest, it takes an outside perspective to pull them up. Salem was his outsider, though both of them didn't know that yet.

"Of course I would tell you silly." She chuckled, finally brightening up a tad. He was still on edge. She could tell. But his admittance to knowing that he was just a bit too hard on Liz was enough for Salem to start to think that maybe some of the things she was saying was finally getting through to him. "But in all seriousness, there won't be anything bad happening to Liz while I'm around. Trust me." She gave him a half smile before looking back at the ground again.

When she listened to him ramble about never having time for himself she only wondered if it was always that way. Where their parents and why was it that the kids have to raise themselves. Salem has always noticed their absence but has never pressed the topic. She knew for a fact that asking about something that seemed so personal was not a great idea. Elizabeth never brought it up so neither did she.

In Salem's world, she only has free time. Aside from rent and utilities, she really has nothing and no one to worry about. Her income is stable from her part-time job so really, there is virtually nothing nagging at her in the back of her mind. If she were not to go back to her apartment the only person who will truly be affected is her cat Balthasar, but even he could fend for himself if something were to happen to her. In the pit of her stomach, she felt a pang of guilt for trying to tell Lorenzo how to live his life, because hers was so different and even easier in a sense.

"There must something you could do. It doesn't mean giving up on everything, just taking a day -- no just a night and doing something fun for once. Like, go to a bar or something..." no that seems wrong. What could he do that could possibly ease him up? "Or....what about the New Years Ball? Me and Liz are going."

(view spoiler)[ this was trash, dont even read it (hide spoiler)]

Something was telling him to do something about the situation unfolding in front of Nasir's eyes. He was not a confrontational person -- hell -- he was barely a social one. But looking at the way Charlie felt uncomfortable and the man's greasy smile was just urging him to act in a way that he has never behaved before. This whole ordeal was so odd to him. Why today out of all days?

"Yo," He said, narrowing his eyes at the hand that slid slyly across Charlie's waist. "She wants space." And his whim was granted. Not saying a word the nameless man stalked off leaving behind Charlie and their orders. He watched him walk away and left it alone, hopefully, he wouldn't have to do much else. Looking over her shoulder he spotted the nuisance again. "Hey, is he giving you any trouble?"

While Vee was wishfully thinking about someone, Caspers thoughts drifted off into his previous significant other. Unlike Vee, however, the person he was thinking of was very much so alive. He left her behind with everyone else in his past life, and no matter how much it hurt he knew it was for the best. (view spoiler)[why am i writing this and suddenly thought of Edward and Bella omg ok sorry. (hide spoiler)] Just the mere thought of Casper losing control around her and doing anything -- it's just too painful of a thought, so he pushed it behind the furthest and deepest crevice of his subconscious. Leaving her was the safest yet most depressing option.

Leaning back in his chair he watched Vee, analyzing the way she fidgeted in her chair and look around wildly. He could tell she was uncomfortable in her own skin which meant it definitely wasn't likely that she has been a vampire for too long. Her answer didn't surprise him by that much. Yet it was extremely intriguing.

"I don't want to pry, but do you mind telling me more." He uncrossed his arm -- trying to seem as unintimidating as possible. It seemed like so long ago compared to when he turned. He remembered what it felt like to be recently turned, the thirst and the sheer aggression that he exhibited was so opposite to the scared girl in front of him. He wondered why that was.

Casper followed Vee as she washed herself down in a body of water to make herself way less bloody than she was when they first met. He suggested to go to a coffee shop, being as ironic as it was since they didn’t technically need human food a drink anymore, but he still will always love a good bagel & a cup of coffee. It’s a remnant of his past life that will always stay with him. He was glad Vee joined him because he was so intrigued about her life, and had so many questions to ask her.

Pushing the door into the coffee shop and letting Vee walk in before him and breathed in all the many scents of the store (his heightened senses made everything just 10x more pleasurable) He smiles to himself as he led them to their seats by the window. “So tell me, when have you turned? It seems as if, judging by your reaction at least, it was pretty recently?” He asked putting both his elbows on the table as he waited for her reply.

This whole time they were together after his apology she was heating up under her thin jacket and even thinner sweater. While she should be shivering with her hands frozen and numb from the weather, she felt herself blush harder than ever and noticed that her palms were lightly slick with nervous sweat. Her heart is pounding loudly and evenly in her ear and she could swear her breath was choppier and more frantic even though from another’s perspective it probably wasn’t at all noticeable. Salem was a nervous wreck this entire time subconsciously but in the face of Lorenzo she tried to act like their interactions didn’t completely embarrass her to no end.

She knew she had to deliver her answers in soft blows. With the combination of the hurt he was experiencing and his temper, if Salem were to be blunt about what Elizabeth has been talking about it will only shoot down his confidence, which was already at it’s lowest point. So she tread lightly. Looking back at the ground she continued. “At the same time you have to see things in her perspective.”

Elizabeth was just an ordinary teenage girl. She had to deal with normal teen things like getting in trouble, having boyfriends, going out to parties and breaking curfew. And yet, all Salem has seen her do was come home to take care of her brothers or to study for tests that sometimes haven’t even been assigned yet. All this pent up frustrations of course fell on Salem’s shoulder to release because she knew if Liz for a second felt cornered — she could explode. It was something Salem has seen many of times so it was confusing as to why Lorenzo was so surprised by it. Was Salem really the only one who Elizabeth told everything to? It was a hard concept for her to wrap her mind around.

Salem stiffened and blinked when she felt the weight of Lorenzo’s head lean against her shoulder. She didn’t know what to think at this point, on one hand this was all she dreamed and fantasized about but it still felt wrong — like she was using his vulnerability to get closer to him. Yet, watching their cold breaths mingle together because of the proximity made her feel all kinds of warm and fuzzy inside. She smiled in her head, but maintained a stoic expression in front of him. He could never know what she was thinking. One wrong move could ruin everything that they just built. Swallowing hard Salem stared straight, but still felt like a large marble was stuck in her throat.

“You’re going to have to give up some of your control over her. The more you push means the harder she pushes back.” Salem started sliding her hand (reluctantly) from his back and turning herself to face him. “She’s becoming an adult now, telling her what she can and can’t do will only make her do the complete opposite. Let her make her own mistakes and learn her own lessons.” She ducked her head to be level with his field of vision and searched his eyes for any sign of understanding, for she knew what she was saying was what he was never used to hearing. No one has probably ever told him to ease up, and even after she said it she prepared herself for the worst response. He’s never had a real conversation with her, this was all so new, but at the same time it was kind of nice — comforting even.

Letting silence consume the conversation again, Salem leaned back once more. Biting her lip she lightly sighed. “I think,” Salem thought about that one for a second. What should he do? That was a question Salem doesn’t even think there was a good enough answer for — and she hated him for asking her such a difficult thing to respond to. She doesn’t know what to think, her mind is jumbled with all these thoughts and conflicting emotions that it’s hard for her to focus on a solution for him.

“I think...you should do something for yourself. When was the last time you did something for yourself without worrying about some deadline or responsibility? At the end of the day,” she looked back at him taking in his disheveled hair and wet eyes “You’re not superman. No matter how hard you try to be. And that’s ok. Take some time to yourself and be selfish for once. Elizabeth will come back, she always does. She just needs to figure out where her path is in life. And it’s fine if it’s not following in your footsteps or isn’t the plan that you laid out for her.”

(view spoiler)[ aw he’s so sad :,( (hide spoiler)]