Paula’s Comments (group member since Oct 28, 2015)

Paula’s comments from the Science Fiction Microstory Contest group.

Some seriously terrific stories this month. And continuing your terrific debut here, Matthew!

Good work, Dean! Fine story.
And you too, Matthew--rare here that someone makes such a striking debut!

Tom wrote: "Gary wrote: "Greg, somewhat funny but from the point of view of 2045 I wonder if the twist would have worked better with the scientific community, Liberals, MSMedia and Pres. Obama being the aliens..."

LOL, Tom. Indeed yes.

Just saw the Colbert--Weaver thing today, John. Yoicks. Yes, Gene, it was a very fine/cool story!

Nice one, Greg!

You're NEW to writing, Matthew?! Well, that was quite a start--wow, good story.

Justin, a moving piece that catches one up from the get-go.
Two questions remain, though.
--In "The targeting sensor in his gleaming red left eye locked onto his grandson," has "targeting" some sense besides "finding so as to see"?
--(Relatedly, I assume), not clear what happens between the aliens and Earth people after the main event.
One really cares about this granpa, this grandson, the others of their world/time. Good work.

Ghris, wonderfully evocative and suspenseful writing--pulled me right along. I think you should way tighten everything after the climax, though--say, after "thanking God . . . "--you know? Other than that and some polish to the couple of paragraphs just before that, this story really, really works.

And. . .you might check with Jot, Richard. I certainly don't mind what the language. . .

And wow, Thaddeus.
Yeah, I've been wondering about that.
And "what did we think was going to happen? Shakespeare?"---best line on the net tonight.

Dean, what a beautifully done grabber of a story! And unfortunately too likely again. Very well done--and, I'd guess, very magazine-publishable.
Jeremy, lol---no kidding! Really well done--I simply enjoyed it. And yes, the . . . clearly follow.
Jot, very clever indeed. A cynical and original take on "first contact."
C., a very cute tale.

The story topic is: In 2042.
This story should have at least one human protagonist and deal with something of importance to you.
(General contest rules are posted in Jot's separate topic post.)

The story topic is: In 2042.
This story should have at least one human protagonist and deal with something of importance to you.
(General contest rules are posted in Jot's separate topic post.)

The story topic is: In 2042.
This story should have at least one human protagonist and deal with something of importance to you.
(General contest rules are posted in Jot's separate topic post.)

Thank you, J.J.--yes, there's tropes all over the margins in this one, that's for sure. LOL. And I hadn't even thought of the Ambrose Bierce one until yesterday, lol again.
Again, thank you so much---J.J., and each of you for the very sweet compliments! Greatly appreciated.

I think we can thank you especially for making this thread so successful as it is, Jot. Yes--everyone has done so, of course, but you are, after all, the initiator and the one who's most devotedly kept it going.

Oh my. I got online this afternoon and---wow! Thank you, thank you all. I am utterly honored. Especially given the exceptional works that people wrote this month, and Justin's wonderfully formed and crafted, moving tale. And for your very kind remarks, Jot!
And yes, Jot, your remarks remind me--has it been since November 2012 that you--that we all--have kept this group going and (usually) thriving? You do know, that is extremely long for a writers group,, yes? And certainly for an online writers group. Throw some of the praise your way, as you deserve it.
Again, thank you all. I'm glad you like this story, as It's one I'm happy with. And honored for the accolade from this fine group of writers!

Well, I sure didn't get that reference, Greg, but then I don't know Gilligan's Island, lol.
I think the violence/ugliness/techno of the beginning should better contain some foreshadowing of the subsequent lyricism/beauty so as not to lose readers, so that the first transition (out of those 1st three paragraphs) is not so large a jump. imo.

Some thoughts on some of the stories (sorry these remarks are brief, but I hope they are helpful anyhow).
Marianne--Paradise--definite sense of the protagonist and the scene, sharp action, a real sense of sadness in the protagonist at having to kill the man, and the fox pulls us both tactically and visually. Strong, Sherri-Tepper-ish tale.
Chris--Waiting for Death--elegantly simple, stark, and powerful.
Tom--The Dare--the same stylized evil and horror that makes this story work so well prevents any but one-dimensional characterization, but it is very, very well done.
Justin--Infinity--a successful use of material--the biblical account of Jesus--that rarely works in such usage. Very well formed and conceived, with good balance and strong scenes and characters and non-jarring, effective transitions between times/segments.
Jeremy McLain--NSA--humor that works. In the last few sentences/paragraphs, the point of view shift is a bit unformed/unclear and needs finishing/polishing.
Sharon Kratchak--The Choice--a very moving tale of d-human and H-dragon and their deep connection, though the ways the nanite requirements will likely separate or kill them is too unclearly drawn near the end, limiting the poignancy that the ending would otherwise fulfill.
Jot--Immortality--Changes wrought by humanity and by the Yellowstone caldera's eruption contrast to the enduring quality of a marriage, of new life vs. unchanging unending life, in this intriguing tale.
Carrie--Cruel Mistress--To the extent the story's an allegory, it's okay that the protagonist so readily drops concern for his one-wife and even his children, *but* the author, and with her the readers, cannot so drop them. Some (visual?) image or other evocation of them in the now of another, or no, timeline, is one possible way; I imagine there are others. With this problem resolved and some tightening of the initial sexual scenes, this will be an amazing story.
Greg--Protector--a very subtle story. At first I felt there was a disconnect between the three "war and machine violence" first paragraphs and the ensuing evocations, often lyrical, of the planet's tremendously slow regeneration--but then I realized this shift is intended by the author, who brings the "Protector" protagonist, every paragraph or so, to a new awareness of the fragile growing life around him, until near the end he is indeed a Protector, parent-like in care for these growing lives, and longing to trade immortality for a chance to help them grow. Very fine work, Greg.
Rich--Not so high and mighty--The tone/voice of this story is so strong it pulls us right along. Very taut and a strong ending--the freedom, at least to condemn, of the powerless.

Welcome, Richard!