Paula’s Comments (group member since Oct 28, 2015)

Paula’s comments from the Science Fiction Microstory Contest group.

Wish I could, Chris, but too overloaded with clients' jobs; I bet it is a good book!
Chris wrote: "So, I'll just put this here for anyone who might be interested.

I've never actually published anything before and I'm looking to self publish an MG sci-fi adventure novel. I'd like to see if anyon..."

Very thoughtful critiques, Marianne. Thank you for the kind comments on mine.

Hah--nice, Greg!

Seem like an awful lot of parameters/requirements here, Greg. There has to be a pax of some sort, a misunderstanding, a discovery, then symbiosis and peace?
So basically the plot's set out for us--?

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Great story, Greg---imaginative, super-well-paced, and genuinely funny! Congratulations.

Hysterically funny piece, Greg, and very well paced. (Not sure you need the last couple of lines, but cool, anyway.) A great read.

Have a good trip, Marianne! Jot, thank you for the nice compliments.

Of course you are still finding grammatical issues--and/or spelling issues--and/or typos--Jot; it's a never-ending process, editing and copyediting and proofreading. For anyone, there is always another minor glitch one just hadn't noticed!

Thrilling blurb, Jot, and good points, Tom. I guess I was looking at it more in terms of (using the style of the original but going for the tautness Tom has brought up) something like this:
In the world of TITLE OF BOOK or NAME OF PLANET/SPACE OF THE STORY;S ACTION,
hatred is no longer bound by time['s linearity], nor a destructive consequence of ambition. Instead, riding the darkened coils of vengeance out of the wasting horror of his father's--and world's--annihilation, Richard Lion-Bone races to the rescue of (blah-blah). . . --or something of the sort.
Just another suggestion for you, Jot. But Tom's is terrific.

Yes, congrats, C.!
I am also impressed by the stories from Sharon, Justin, Marianne, Tom, Chris, and a couple others here this month. Some very nice works.

That must have been some comic-con, Chris---how did it go?

A couple more quick critiques.
Marianne's "Mark"---very involving story, and I was right there with the young heroine most of the way. The very last 5 paragraphs (2 paragraphs plus 3 one-line paragraphs) came--or rather, brought in too much--too fast, though. The pacing was fine, but hints of some of this could better have been touched-in a bit earlier in the story, foreshadowing rather than having to be taken in at once. (Imho only).
Jot's "All we need is love"---well written, and some very fine language use, elegant, and many ideas, but as *story* it needs some development (conflict (in some sense), resolution)--potentially very good, and nice writing.

Some quick critiques.
S.M. Kratchak , "Belief." Very well-written tale that grabbed me from the start, with its protagonist secreting the flower as she stands in the crowded elevator, and with the force of her terror of disobeying--yet knowing she will/must disobey--the expectations of her mother and her religion/people. The intensity carries through well, and we feel the release when she (and we) learn what life on/in Hell refers to. Fine piece indeed, Sharon.
Justin's "Regolith Raiders"---well, we see where this one's going, pretty quick, but wow, it does it in style! Love the title FIR. And yes, the measurements of the Temple . . . nice work, Justin.
Chris's "The Long Ride"---this is the sort of sf story that can terrify any kid, and some adults--and it works here--powerful piece. And as Tom notes here, the understated darkness and the wit carry it. Well done.

(c) reads the smoothest, Jot, and I agree with John that (b) implies a slightly different relation between the narrator and the container (seems to project something like a fish in a fishbowl within the main space of the narrative-assumed space/ship/other.

Marianne, this time Carrol said she would handle the editing--which I believe was/is mostly copyediting. She was concerned that the book get out timely and has also become skilled and quick at the work.

Oh very good. Thanks, Jot. And---thank you, Carrol!!!

And, Chris, your Tin Man was no slouch, either. Also a wonderful story.
And Carrie, Justin, others here--everyone did an excellent story this month--super jobs.
Chris wrote: "Way to go Tom! Great job! :)"

Oh good--wonderful story, Tom, and won against some very very difficult competition. Intricate world-building and avoiding-time-paradox games, and wonderful macabre humor; the ending made me laugh out loud. Wonderful piece.

Nothing wrong with your dialogue, Greg. What I meant by "lecturing" was just that the stating of the what-humans-have-done-to-hurt-the-world point was too long/lecturey for this length story.
imo. Greg wrote: "Thanks, Paula! I look forward to retirement, when I can practice better dialog (and spend the time to get it right)."

Greg, quite a moving story, and the dolphins' advent seemed so real, so finely done. I think you need to drastically tighten the part between somewhere in the "Why [not us]?" paragraph and right up to just before the wonderful and intelligently placed "There's not an asteroid with. . ." sentence, as that part is too "lecturing" and not enough sense of being there with a character/characters. The "asteroid" line and the last sentence are terrific, give a strong, professional sense to the piece. Nice work.
Jot--re your point to Carrie---probably it'd be good if you can add a very brief few words here and there in the piece to give a firmer sense of context/background to the match/action, if you can find room to do this.
Carrie, a fine story.