Justin’s Comments (group member since Mar 13, 2016)

Justin’s comments from the Science Fiction Microstory Contest group.

Hey C, do you have any audio editions of your books? I know a guy... meaning me of course.

That's true C. It is one of the most memorable reviews of any of my work - and I appreciated it very much in its honesty and sincerity.

I've been trying to reach the bar of that particular story ever since. I hope I haven't "peaked"!!!!!

C. wrote: "Hi Paula, Tom, and Chris

Thank you for your patient and considerate responses to my recent critiques. It's maddening to weigh political correctness against candid criticism sometimes. What's bette..."

Whenever I put a story up C, you can give me both barrels, unvarnished, un-sanitized and insensitive... hey wait a minute... :)

If my stories are bad, I want to know it!

Tom and Chris, excellent stories!!

Good story Paula. Creepy! :)

Carrie wrote: "I keep wanting to participate but the last few prompts just haven't sparked anything creative in me. Not a dig at anyone, just a general statement of my own creative flow.

Hoping to get back in th..."

Some are definitely tougher than others to be creatively inspired. I'm sure that's why some of mine are clunkier than others. You need a story that dovetails with your hunting interests!

It was a great story C, I enjoyed the unique perspective. Nice work!

Marianne wrote: "Just have to say, I think everyone did an excellent job with the theme and elements this month. You all really wrote out of the box, even if you either hated Guy Lombardo, did not know who he was, ..."

It was tough for sure, at least for me. I really had to let it marinate for quite awhile before I had even an inkling of what I might do. In the end, if it stretches me as an author I know it's good for me. I thought this was a great batch of stories.

Nice one Greg!

Tom wrote: "Critique by Tom Olbert of -- "When My Dream Boat Comes Home" by Justin

A darkly humorous and tragic tale of an aging has-been hydro-foil racer in his last race and racing for his life, his debt to..."

Hi Tom,

Thanks for the great critique. I had a really hard time with this month's elements. Trying to wedge Guy Lombardo in there without making it feel tacked on was difficult for me. I thought Guy's interest in hydro racing would be a good story, which is why my hydro is even named like his hydro's were. The story title is a song title from Guy's extensive library, and having the race count down tied to the new year all seemed to work.

The fish attack is pretty thin, so I totally agree with you. If I had more words, I feel I certainly could have fleshed this out to be more suspenseful.

Thanks again!

Thanks Jot!

C. wrote: "Nice story, Justin!

Water skiing there would be a rush, huh? : )

-C"

Yeah...it would make Jaws look like a dip in a kiddie pool. Thanks C!

Karl and Marianne, I really enjoyed both of your stories. Very creative and touching. Well done!!!

“When My Dream Boat Comes Home”

Idris Talon was buried deep within the massive engine of his hydroplane racer, the Talon Tempo V. He was so focused on torqueing down the critical water intake manifold, that it was understandable he did not hear the heavy, booted footfalls of Eddie Mac’s enforcer - Bob.

“Talon!” yelled Eddie Mac, nearly giving Talon a heart attack. “I wanna talk to you!”

“Buzz off Mac, I’m busy,” Talon replied dismissively.

With a glance from Eddie, Bob reached down with an enormous green hand and pulled the recalcitrant Talon up and out.

“Oh, hello Bob,” said Talon, legs dangling as he hung from Bob’s hand three feet above the marina decking.

Bob just stared at him with the dull blue eyes common to all Theroydians. Drool quivered on his lower lip.

“You know why I’m here.”

“Why no Eddie, I haven’t the foggiest.”

Eddie glanced at Bob again. Bob began shaking Talon like a ragdoll.

“I WANT MY MONEY TALON!”

Talon’s head flopped back and forth violently, making it difficult to talk.

“And…you’ll…get…it…but…not…if…my…neck…is…bro…ken…”

Bob dropped Talon to the ground.

Eddie stood over the winded and wheezing pilot.

“Now I want you to listen and listen close because I’m only gonna say this once. You got it?”

Talon gasped affirmatively.

“If you don’t win the New Year’s race tomorrow, I will personally feed you in little pieces to the fishes. Capiche?”

Talon sat up, rubbing his neck.

“Yeah, I got it Eddie. I got it.”

“Good. And don’t get any funny ideas about skipping out after the race. I’ve got people at the spaceport.”

Eddie patted Talon on the back.

“You were a good racer once Talon. I hope for your sake you’ve got one more left in you. C’mon Bob.”

Talon dragged himself back to the Talon Tempo V and sat next to the starboard pontoon.

“Damn.”

***

The New Year’s Eve hydroplane races on Aquarius were a tradition dating back to the early days of colonization. With eighty-nine percent of the planet covered by fresh water, racing by all kinds of boats was a popular national pastime and an important component of the economy – along with water exports. With relatively calm oceans almost the entire year, Aquarius was nearly the perfect locale for hydro racing – and the attendant gambling on those races. But nearly, because the hydros – for whatever reason, and without fail – attracted the “fish.”

However, fish were the furthest thing from Idris Talon’s mind as the Talon Tempo V maneuvered into its starting position at the end of the row of other hydros. Talon tried to relax by taking comfort in the gentle undulations of the ocean around him, but the encounter with Eddie Mac and Bob had left him shaken. He nervously drummed his fingers along the edge of the Tempo’s cockpit.

“Comm check. All racers report in!” came the call from the announcer’s tower.

Talon tried to clear his mind as he went through his pre-race routine. He looked up to see the giant countdown clock. As soon as it struck midnight the race would be on, heralded by the blaring of a bad copy of Guy Lombardo’s “Auld Lang Syne.”

“Talon Tempo V confirm all systems ready.”

“All systems go!” replied Talon, mustering up as much enthusiasm as he could.

“Hey Talon,” a voice broke in. “Don’t forget…we’re watching you.”

The ball on the countdown clock was beginning to drop.

“Screw you Eddie.”

Three, two, one…Happy New Year!!! Fifteen hydros instantly roared to life, accelerating to breakneck speeds and parting water in a way that would even impress Moses.

Talon gritted his teeth as he pushed the Tempo past the engine’s red line. The cockpit thrummed and vibrated with the hydro’s raw power.

“C’mon baby, do it for Daddy one more time…”

Another voice interrupted his thoughts, “All racers be advised. Fish are inbound on your six o’clock. Proceed immediately past the finish line to the shielded holding area.”

“Just perfect…”

***

Idris Talon lost his final race, tying for third with a failing water intake manifold hampering the Tempo’s top speed.

The giant fish, as large as blue whales, propelled themselves furiously after the hydros, only to be repelled by a massive energy shield that protected them from their attack – all but one.

“Talon…” hissed Eddie over the comms. “You’re a dead man. You hear me!? A DEAD MAN!”

“After you Eddie,” Talon retorted, pointing his ailing hydro towards the floating VIP box where Eddie always watched the races.

“Time for a swim nimrod!!”

(750 words in story) Justin Sewall © 2018
Reviews/critiques welcome

Thanks Paula!

Hello fellow authors! My first audio book has gone live on Amazon:

https://www.amazon.com/Adult-ADHD-Com...

It is only a short 33 minute production, but nevertheless it is now out in the wide world. You can click on the Audible sample under the picture of the book to hear a short sample.

I'm not sure what ACX quality control did to my audio, but I sound like I'm on an AM radio. They must have had their reasons. Anyway, the first blow has been struck!!

Now if I could just come up with a good story for this month!!

I'm in my TARDIS doing voiceover...

Tom, very creative!

I'm sad to say I had to Google Guy Lombardo. No idea who he was. Now I have to figure out my story...

Chris! Great story!

Hello everyone!

I just wanted to say what a joy and delight it is to read your stories every month. Thanks for putting your creativity out there and letting them be judged and critiqued.

I appreciate your different perspectives on our monthly challenges and the feedback you give me about my own writing. I'm sorry I've not been critiquing lately. All of my free time is either out in my recording booth or spent editing.

I just finished my first short audio book (a short book about adult ADHD) and am now waiting to see what edits the rights holder may want.

Anyway! I wish you all a Merry Christmas or whatever holiday you choose to celebrate or not, and a very happy and creative new year!

Best,

Justin