Justin’s Comments (group member since Mar 13, 2016)

Justin’s comments from the Science Fiction Microstory Contest group.

Good stories Jot and Kalifer! I liked them both.

Thanks for the advice C! On Audible, Amazon has a "wish list" of suggested equipment for doing voiceovers for them, so that's what I used. I believe it is a Rode condenser mic (uses phantom power) and it came on a shock mount with a pop filter. Thus far I am very pleased with how clean the sound is.

Thanks Jack! Honestly, the booth just fell into my lap. I feel like it is my own personal TARDIS. I was going to be in a closet as well, but with this out in the garage (which is separate from my house), it is a great setup.

Jack wrote: "Justin, I did read my books and you should absolutely read the Cerulean series. There are some things I can tell you about the process. First, I've done narration for several client movies in the p..."

Awesome feedback Jack, thank you! I think I'm well positioned to start. First, I just received an actual recording sound booth from a friend whose company didn't need it any more. Sound foam lined, It's 8 ft tall by 4 x 4. I have a boom mic set up right at my height (I'm 6'3) and another mic stand holds my iPad at the same level so I can read into the mic straight on. I'm recording through a little two channel mixing board that goes right into my Surface. The sound level in the booth is perfectly dead quiet with no extraneous noise. The sound levels on Audacity don't even move when I'm in there. I've been looking at Audible's technical specs and I don't think they will be an issue. I've done broadcast in the past, and I recently narrated an internal Boeing video. The director said it was the cleanest audio in terms of my mouth noise (no clicks, ticks, pops, smacks etc.) that he'd ever heard from someone not officially "voice talent." So I feel supremely confident in my ability to do it. I've just got to figure out a few things in Audacity. I've recorded the first chapter of my first book for practice and let my coworker who listens to hundreds of audio books give it a listen. So I've gotten some good feedback there. Anyway, sorry to go on and on here. I'm very excited to get into it, not just for my own books but reading other ones too. Thanks again!

Jack, I'd like to know who did your audio book for Agents of the Undertow. I've just set up my sound booth and am working to fine tune my editing skills in Audacity. My goal is to get into Amazon book narration/reading for audio books. Did you read yours yourself? That's my plan for my two sci-fi novellas.

I like it Chris! Nicely done!

Thanks C!

I'm slammed with free lance articles on tight deadlines and I'm setting up my sound studio so I can get into book narration. All of my time is getting soaked up with that stuff unfortunately. I do want to get something in but I'm also wrestling with the theme and elements.

I feel secure knowing that aliens will never get a foothold on this planet...

Great story Greg! I loved it!

Neighbors

I remember exactly when the aliens invaded.

One afternoon on my way to work, my ears began ringing as I approached the end of our neighborhood. It was so sudden and loud I could barely hear the music blasting in my car. It diminished just as suddenly after I turned onto the main road. I shook my head and by the time I began my shift I had forgotten the whole thing.

I worked nights at the dam, so during my lunch break I would sit and look out over the darkened valley. I could see the entire town lit up, including my neighborhood. Usually we all left our porch lights on, but that evening I noticed the first house on the street was completely dark.

Turning into my neighborhood before dawn, I noticed the house on the opposite side of the street was also completely dark and the ringing in my ears returned – finally fading as I turned into my driveway. The pattern repeated itself every day as summer wore on. From the dam, I could see more darkened houses moving steadily down the street towards my place.

Suddenly my ears started ringing as a coworker chatted with me.

“Nice night isn’t it?” he commented.

His head seemed to vibrate back and forth, like paint in a mixer machine.

“Something wrong Ted?”

“Uh… no Frank… thank you.”

“You feeling okay?”

“Yes… just a bit tired. Excuse me.”

“Sure Ted.”

I left Frank behind along with the ringing in my ears and collapsed at my desk. What is wrong with me? I wondered.

***
“Well there’s nothing wrong with you Ted,” said my doctor.

“You’re sure it’s not tinnitus?”

“Absolutely not. You passed your hearing test with flying colors.” He clapped me on the back reassuringly. I was not reassured.

Turning again into my neighborhood, the ringing continued until just two houses away from my own. I was starting to doubt my own sanity. The ringing in my ears did not end, even after I went back to work. I was on edge as the heads of all my coworkers vibrated back and forth violently. Looking over the valley once more, I saw my house lights still burned brightly in a sea of darkness. I finally noticed that many other neighborhoods were also completely dark.

An idea pierced the ringing in my skull.

***
I invited my neighbors to a barbeque. Folding tables stretched across the backyard filled with hamburgers, hotdogs, deviled eggs and red Jello salad. All of their heads vibrated as they masticated happily on the feast set before them. The ringing in my ears was so loud I thought my head was going to explode.

I stood up unsteadily, my AR-15 duct taped underneath the table where I sat.

“I’d like to propose a toast,” I said, my heart thudding in my head nearly as loud as the ringing in my ears.

“To the best neighbors a man could have.” They all turned as one with their vibrating heads and returned my toast.

“And to you Ted… the most elusive prey we’ve…”

I did not even let them finish, letting loose at close range. I screamed, castigating them for betraying humanity. Ketchup spattered everywhere along with globs of red Jello. They stood there stunned, many with food hanging out of their mouths. As they died their human guise disintegrated, leaving only what looked like giant leaches writhing in pain upon the ground.

I changed clips and made sure everyone had seconds – but I still had even more to do. Screeching down the street, I sped to work down the finally quiet neighborhood. Yet as I approached the dam, the ringing began once more. Hurrying to the main control room, I served lead appetizers to the entire crew, their vibrating heads stilled and their true forms revealed. I went to the central control board and found what I needed: MASTER SPILLWAY RELEASE. I pushed it down, then barricaded myself behind some desks.

Outside, water flooded over and through the dam, cascading violently down into the valley below. I snatched quick glances out the window while covering the door. All the town’s lights were going out now, covered by waters hundreds of feet deep. Everything and everyone was washed away, subsumed and consumed by raging, foaming torrents. Finally the ringing in my ears subsided and I savored the sweet sound of perfect silence as the last strands of summer gave way to the cool evening grasp of autumn.

(750 words in story) Justin Sewall © 2017
Reviews/critiques welcome

Tornado suits and Zardoz heads for everyone! Great work C!!

Thank you for the feedback Sharon! Yes, a lot had to be cut. I had 1,000 words and just kept hacking and hacking and hacking...

Paula wrote: "Some quick critiques.
S.M. Kratchak , "Belief." Very well-written tale that grabbed me from the start, with its protagonist secreting the flower as she stands in the crowded elevator, and with the..."

Thank you Paula for the great feedback! When you have a moment, would you mind telling me how the story telegraphed the ending for you? Had you read a similar story or were there just elements that linked together quickly for you and gave you the ending early? Just curious. Thank you!

Nice story Greg,

I liked the characters and the story's direction. Good work!

Tom wrote: "Critique by Tom Olbert of -- "Regolith Raiders" by Justin

A well-written and difficult to classify genre-mixing short story. Comical, in a way, but done with dignity.

Prefaced by a biblical quot..."

Thanks Tom for the in-depth review of my story! What I had to delete is that the measurements of the outer chamber and inner chamber corresponded to the exact size of the tabernacle the Israelites lugged around with them during their 40 years in the wilderness. The outer chamber corresponds to the outer courtyard and the inner chamber corresponds to the "holy of holies" where only the high priest could enter once a year.

I think really my main point in the discovery of the Ten Commandments was to emphasize that God's truth remains the same despite the passage of time and the wanderings of Man physically into space and wandering spiritually in his own personal wilderness.

However, there is a lot more symbolism that could be read into it. Gateway Station is heaven, FIR Stevens descends to "Earth" (Io), then descends further into Hell (below Io.) I wasn't thinking that consciously, but after I reviewed it a few times that stood out to me. Anyway, thanks again for your feedback!

John wrote: "Critique for Justin´s Regolith Raiders,

I loved the idea of your story and you gave us an ending I didn´t expect. Brilliant! Adding a mean bureaucrat who stood in FIR´s way would have added to an ..."

Thanks for taking the time to critique my story John, l sincerely value the feedback!

John wrote: "Nice job Justin. I knew you´d give us a good one. The ending was a good touch too."

Thanks John, much appreciated!

Thanks C! I've always had this idea of a story for a deep space mining outfit to find the Ten Commandments buried somewhere unexpected. I finally found a place for it!

Okay, I finally got my brain cells together. The story is a culmination of an idea I've had rattling around in my mind for a while. It took my morning run today to jar it loose. I hope you like it!

Regolith Raiders

“Jacob had a dream in which he saw a stairway resting on the earth, with its top reaching to heaven, and the angels of God were ascending and descending on it… When he awoke, he was afraid and said, ‘How awesome is this place! This is none other than the house of God; this is the gate of heaven.’” Genesis 28:10-19

Gateway Station orbited lazily around Jupiter’s moon Io. A massive cable tethered the station to its prey, and upon this dark umbilicus ran “the elevator.” It was a Jacob’s ladder dedicated to mammon: a perpetual circuit of containers full of personnel and supplies that descended to the surface, returning with ore for processing in the ease of zero gravity.

The cylindrical cars sat horizontally in Gateway’s launch bay for loading and unloading. Once in space, they reoriented themselves along the cable that stretched to the debarkation bay on Io’s surface. Inside the passenger compartments, the lack of money spent on comfort was appallingly obvious.

In a grimy seat, Father-Imam-Rabbi Stevens felt his nausea increasing and swallowed hard. He focused on his text from the Accumulated Book, griping its gold gilded edges ever more tightly. A few miners floated by, followed by the pungent smell of hard labor.

Finally the hellish descent was over and FIR Stevens felt the debarkation bay’s augmented gravity pull his stomach back into place. With a hiss of airlocks the contingent of miners exited, leaving Stevens in solitude until his corporate contact stepped into view.

“FIR Stevens?”

“I am.”

“Welcome to Zero Point,” said a balding man in an impeccably tailored gray suit. “I’m Director D’Angelo. We’re glad you could make it.”

“I can’t say the same. I hate travelling in zero-g.”

“Yes, I do apologize for any discomfort FIR Stevens. Please step this way.”

“Can you tell me what this is about?” Stevens grabbed his travel bag.

D’Angelo paused. “We really don’t know, but I’m sure you are fully qualified to handle the, um, situation.”

“Lead on then.”

***
He descended into the depths of Io’s mining operations. Since the mines were capped with airlocks, only supplemental oxygen was periodically needed. Stevens sucked lustily from his canister.

“We were drilling a shaft right here when we broke into a large chamber,” said D’Angelo, highlighting this fact on a datapad.

“And this is remarkable because?”

“It’s perfectly excavated – and there is a smaller chamber towards the back.”

“Have you explored any of the chambers?”

“Well…”

“I signed my non-disclosure agreement Director. I keep all corporate secrets between God and myself.”

“Indeed. We tried exploring the smaller chamber but our drones kept malfunctioning before they passed the threshold…”

“And?”

“Two men died trying to enter it. They were struck down by a massive energy discharge.”

Stevens thought for a moment, then ran the dimensions of both chambers through his datapad.

No…it can’t be.

Stevens removed his shoes, then pulled some garments from his bag: a breastplate composed of precious stones, a blue robe and white linen tunic with a white turban supported by a gold plate that rested on his forehead.

“What in the name of God?” gasped D’Angelo.

“Exactly,” answered Stevens, who also produced a small censer that began wafting a sweet aroma.

“Stay here,” ordered Stevens. “Do not enter this outer or inner chamber if you value your life. Do you understand me Director? I’ll stay in constant contact.” Stevens tapped the transmitter in his ear.

D’Angelo began to shake slightly. “Y-yes,” he stammered.

Swinging the censer before him, Stevens approached the inner chamber with downcast eyes and began the recitation he knew so well. Facing the inner chamber, Stevens held the censor aloft, wafting its incense before him. Then he held his breath and crossed the threshold.

***
Instantly a soft white light filled the room, but from no discernible source and none escaped to the outer chamber. Stevens let his eyes adjust, taking in the gold inlaid walls and the inscriptions covering them. The censer hung limply in his hand. He heard D’Angelo, but he sounded far away despite the earpiece. Stevens stood transfixed at the foot of a central dais and gazed upon what hovered there: two perfectly white marble tablets that hummed with power upon infinite power.

FIR Stevens easily read the Hebrew inscribed on each one, the verdict of each sentence rendering judgment on his very soul.

“Stevens, come in! What did you find?!”

“I found them,” replied FIR Stevens, weeping silently.

“I FOUND THE TEN COMMANDMENTS!!” he screamed.

(750 words in story) Justin Sewall © 2017
Reviews/critiques welcome